Worthless

Jokes

I asked the lady at the hippy bookstore if she had the new book by Donald trump about foreign policy. She said "you are worthless and I want you out of this country"

I said..."yea, that's it. Do you have it in paperback?"

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You look like a trillion German marks in 1929.

Huge but also worthless

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After reading the thesaurus I have a strong vocabulary of useless synonyms.

They’re unnecessary, worthless and redundant.

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Some people with no idea what they're talking about have told me that I can't get a date because I'm worthless garbage.

They forgot that garbage at least has a chance to get dumped.

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If Reddit has taught me anything it's that you're worthless to the conversation unless you can provide a joke

Thus, through virtue of my life I'm greatly appreciated here.

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What's the difference between a cheater, and some worthless trash?

Worthless trash actually had a use once!

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Want to know the sad truth about Mozart?

Despite his fame, he died baroque and worthless.

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Them: what did you major in? Me: calligraphy


Them: why did you get such a useless degree?
Me: it was cheaper than an mba from from Harvard.
Them: so ? It’s a worthless degree, you would have made more money if you showed up to a job interview with a degree from Harvard.
Me: look, I can show up to a job interview with a degree from any school I want now...


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I was feeling a little down, so I told my dad, Dad, I feel worthless.

Dad: Don’t forget that you have thousands of dollars of student debt. So technically you’re less than worthless.

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If you ever feel worthless....

Just remember your organs are worth a lot of money on the black market.

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In Soviet Russia we're all equal...

...ly worthless.

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I saw my sister sobbing in her room, worried that her Philosophy degree might be worthless in todays job market.

I said, “Are you having an existential cry, sis?”

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Why is a degree like a condom?

It's rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, and its worthless the next day.

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I dont get why people hate on Roseanne for taking Ambien. Ive taken Ambien before and never said anything extreme.

By the way, Jews are worthless.

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What costed Hillary hundreds of millions of dollars but is worthless now?

2nd place in a presidential election.

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So about an drunk man..

A drunk walked into the local pub and, after staring at the only woman seated at the bar for some time, he walked over to her and kissed her.

She immediately jumped out of her seat and slapped him silly.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wre


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Through the night a few soldiers from Australia had arrived to help the English during the war...

The next day the colonel screams at them:" You maggots! You worthless pieces of shit! Have you come here to die?!"

One voice from the back answers:"Nah mate, we came here yesterday."

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Being an adult, I now realize how wise and correct my father really was...

I am worthless and will never amount to anything.

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Growing up, my teachers told me I was worthless and would never amount to anything in life.

Being homeschooled sucks.

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What do you call a worthless piece of trash?

A nigger!

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You know you are worthless when even death rejects you

People who survive fatal accidents are rejected even by the University of Death which has the highest acceptance rate of all Universities.

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Only the most worthless people in the world give drugs to kids.

Without eventually molesting them.

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What costs hundreds of billions of dollars but is totally worthless?

The 2nd place in a presidential election....

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I put my dog down this morning

I said “Benson, you’re worthless and will never amount to anything in life.” Then I went to work.

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Getting into an argument on the internet is kind of like participating in the special olympics

i could never win either one because i'm a worthless loser

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I dont find self-deprecating humor funny anymore.

I guess my sense of humor is as boring and worthless now as the rest of my personality always has been

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People treat me like showcase 1 on The Price Is Right

A worthless pile of shit with no car.

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An amateur artist was show casing his work for the first time at a public viewing.

and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

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If you ever thought that you are worthless because every idea you come up with turns against you

Just realise that England invented football only to get shit frequently every 4 years on World Cup and every 4 years on EURO.

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We should ban certain jokes that keep being repeated.

All my children are worthless and that shouldn't be legal.

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What's the same between a hooker and a pot of gold?

Their both worthless, and empty after being used up.

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People tell me my pet rock is worthless...

but I think it has sedimental value.

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My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.

When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.

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My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will. When I took them to be valued I was told they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius

Sadly, they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.

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Worthless

When you know suicide is a sin so you just live every day hoping to get hit by a bus

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How do you know if a joker is worthless?

Their jokes don't make cents

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No matter how worthless you may think you are, just remember ...

...you are always worth something on the black market.

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My boss said our company will help pay for us to go to a technical college...

I said I wanted to take Liberal Arts.
He said it had to be a technical subject and I said that it was technically worthless.

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Scientist says his observations are irrelevant if taken out of context

Media: scientist claims observations are WORTHLESS ?!?!

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A Moth walks into a dentists office

A moth walks into a dentists office and when he sits down with the dentist the dentist asks him "what's the problem?"

"Well you see doc, I'm really depressed and I don't know what to do. Every night I fall asleep next to a woman I used to love, but now I hardly know. My daughter died in a car accident last year and none of us are the same. The worst part


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What is worthless, useless, and has three holes.

A snowman with no nose

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If you donate something worthless

Is it still a donation?

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Reddit is like a shiny new penny...

It's fun to look at but completely worthless

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My girlfriend told me to go put the toilet seat down...

So I walked in the bathroom, looked at the toilet seat and yelled "you're worthless and no one likes you!"

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Dear Abbie

Clueless:
Dear Abbie,
I don't know what to do about my husband. We have been married for more than 40 years. He's cheated on me many times and doesn't even try to hide it. He's been unemployed for 14 years, hasn't found another job, and wastes his time with his friends daily. Ever since our daughter went away to college, he doesn't even pretend to like me


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If you ever feeling worthless,

just remember that Gotham City has a police department.

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Facebook stock is worthless.

[deleted]

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My son's arts and crafts class isn't graded.

I'm glad they teach kids how worthless a liberal-arts degree is at such a young age.

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What's small, brown, and near worthless.

An African child.

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Girl, are you an ITT Tech degree?

Because you're worthless.

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