Wizard

Jokes

During a Dungeons and Dragons game, I thought it would be cool to instate a ranking system for my wizard guild

Everything went alright until I made the black player a grand wizard

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What do you call a ketchup wizard

A SAUCERER

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My friend called me and said, A wizard turned me into a tiny harp!

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Three wizards decide to play with spells....

They conjure up a slide that leads into a pool and put a spell on it so that whatever you say as you come down the slide will appear in the pool.

The first wizard shouts "BEEEEEERRRR" whilst on the slide and lands in a pool of the best beer ever to be tasted.

The second wizard cries "WIIIINNNEEE" whilst coming down the slide. He lands in a pool of the


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How do you call a wizard dog?

Labracadabrador

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3 men meet at the top of a tall building with a wizard

The wizard said "If you jump off the building and say the name of an object, that object will appear beneath you."

The first guy, being the luckiest, jumps and yells "PILLOWS." Pillows appear beneath him and he lands on them safely.

The second guy jumps and yells "HAY." He lands safely on the hay.

As the third just is running, he


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Never have sex with a wizard...

I did once and I got Hogwarts.

Now they won't quidditching.

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How did Aunt Marge react to Harry Potter being a wizard?

She was blown away.

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A wizard casts a spell and sees Harry Potter in the cockpit of a jet

“Get your feet off the instrument panel!”

Harry complies with the disembodied order from the com.

“And take that broom out of the yoke before you kill everyone!”

Harry grumbles, but complies.

“Did you brush your teeth?”

Exasperated, Harry says, “You can't be serious. Why are you so pissy


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A Rabbit and a bear are fighting in a forest, when a wizard walks by

He explains to them that if they stop fighting, he will grant them three wishes each.

So of course they stop fighting immediately.

“Right,” said the wizard, “why don't you go first, bear?”

The bear thinks about his first wish for a few seconds and then says, “I wish that every bear in this forest was female!”


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What's a black person's favorite type of wizard?

A negromancer

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My granddad used to say judge a man not by his skin, but by the content of his character.



Great advice , terrible Grand Wizard.

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How does a conservative wizard summon a chair?

"Bench-appearo!"

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The first wizard who cast dickspelliarmus...

Had to live with the Ken Doll-quences.

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Why did the wizard cross the road?

During the solar eclipse the darkness was spreading. The darkness was chasing him. "Wait up!" The wizard stopped to let his friend catch up. "Yo, This party is going to be sick!" "Hell yeah it is." They were going to the party but this asshole road wouldn't let them in. He said "don't cross me!". They said "fuck you!" and crossed him in s


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As a kid, Whenever I used to watch the Wizard of Oz

I used to wonder how someone could talk if they didn’t have a brain. Then I got Reddit.

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Three men are walking in the desert

Three men are walking in a desert when they stumble across a wizard next to a magical slide
‘Slide down this ride shout out the name of your favorite drink’ the wizard commands

The three men question his logic but never the less the first man climbs to the top of the slide and begins to slide down
‘Coke’ the man shouts and to his amazement he w


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A Wizard with Glasses

Wizard with glasses: Now you see new apprentice, I know all see all

Apprentice: Wow, can you really see everything?

Wizard with glasses: Well actually, without my glasses I practically see nothing and I guess I can't really see what's behind me, but it's a cool ominous thing to say that conveys me as a person of power.

Apprentice: So your just


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Who is a wizard master with a flowing beard who gets triggered by uttering a word that starts with 'L'?

[Richard Stallman](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlD9UBTcSW4)

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What did the Grand Wizard say to the Black Person?

You look like a piece of sheet.

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Wizard of Oz joke

Police man: what is your name?

Man: the Wizard of Oz

Policeman: your FULL name

Man: (quietly) The Wizard of Ounces

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So 2 ducks are hanging out when a wizard passes by...

So there are these two ducks who LOVE fruit, they’ll do anything for it

So these two ducks are hanging out when a wizard passes by

The first duck goes “Woah!! A wizard!!”

The wizard goes “Woah!! A talking duck!! You know what, I’ve talked to cows, pigs, and even whales, but never a duck! I’ll give you a free wish.”


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There are 3 men on top of a tower with a wizard

The wizard says that whatever the men say will be at the bottom of the tower. The first man jumps and says, pillows. Second man jumps and says, hay. Third man trips off and screams, "SHIT!"

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I was a magician in Europe who specialised in doing magic with pens. In England, Germany, France, Hungary, Portugal and many other places I was adored by the people. But when I got to Spain no-one liked me.

I guess nobody expects the Spanish ink wizard shun.

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I was a magician in Europe who specialised in doing magic with pens. In England, Germany, France, Hungary, Portugal and many other places I was adored by the people. But when I got to Spain no-one liked me.

I guess nobody expects the Spanish ink wizard shun.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic wizard?

Did you hear about the dyslexic wizard?

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Policeman: What's your name?

Man: The Wizard of Oz

Policeman: What is your FULL name?

Man: (mumbled) The Wizard of Ounces...

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Lord of the rings

An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Wizard walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

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The Terracotta Army was actually crafted by just one Chinese wizard.

Terry Potter.

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Three men walking in a desert

Three men are walking in a desert when they stumble across a wizard next to a magical slide
‘Slide down this ride shout out the name of your favorite drink’ the wizard commands

The three men question his logic but never the less the first man climbs to the top of the slide and begins to slide down
‘Coke’ the man shouts and to his amazement he w


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What do you call a wizard that divorced his wife?

Dr. Estranged

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Three men and a wizard are on a roof.....

The wizard says if they jump off and say something they will land on that.
The first guy goes and yells, "pillows!" And lands on some pillows.
The next guy goes and yells "mattresses!" And lands on some mattresses.
The next guy goes to jump and trips and falls and says "Oh Crap!"


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What do you call it when a Wizard tries to rape a normal person?

A Struggle Muggle

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Did you hear about the wizard that can turn doors into containers?

Sometimes he got a bit obsessive, but he told others that he was trying to keep the door ajar.

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Did you hear about the wizard who directed a film?

He really made movie magic

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A Republican, a Democrat, and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car when a tornado picks up the car and tosses them miles into the air.

When the car finally comes back down, the three men realize they’ve been transported to Oz.

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“I’m going to ask the Wizard for a brain,” says the Democrat.

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“I’m going to ask him for a heart,” says the Republican.

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Bill Clinton looks


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Rayvus KinKandy

Rayvus KinKandy was an old Wizard who loved laying around in the sun. Sometimes he would live in the forests, or maybe even in the mud, but what ol' Rayvus always did was eat bugs.. You look confused, Did I say Wizard? I apologize, I meant to say Lizard.

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Why no black wizard fight Death Eater in Harry Potter?

Bc they are busy with fighting against grand wizards

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What do you call a wizard that only makes clay, milk jugs?

Dairy Potter

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What did the wizard say at the frat party?

Abracadabro.

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What do you call a wizard that brews great coffee?

The half and halfblood prince

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What do you call a wizard with wireless headphones?

Airy-Podder

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You hear about the wizard that dropped out of Hogwarts?

He couldn’t spell.

Edit: J. K. Rowling has just notified me that this wizard was also gay. I’m not sure why that was relevant & I though the joke was good on its own, but she really wanted to clarify.

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Whos more aggressive?

A 12 year old on Sim City, or JK Rowling to the Wizard World

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A famous wizard walks into a bar, and everyone laughed at him for his stupid appearance.

That was until the first black man got killed.

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Gandalf:

JKR: You're a gay wizard with a fetish for hobbits

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If the cast of Wizard of OZ was based on bank related numbers and terminology, what would Dorothy shout to her Aunt when the twister hit their home?

“ATM! ATM! It’s a twister, ATM!”

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The wizard and the monkey and the alligator.

A wizard is walking through the forest when he stumbles on to a monkey in a tree. The wizard asks what the monkey is doing and the monkey replies nothing just chilling smoking this joint. The monkey then asks if the wizard would like to join. The wizard does. After smoking the joint the wizard gets horrible cotton mouth and tells the monkey he's going down to the river to get a drink of wate


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As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass.



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Just wanted to make that clear.

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Where is the easiest place to see a two toed dog?

The Wizard of Oz.

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