Winter

Jokes

Why did the farmer fail to bring in the whole harvest before winter frost?

He got lost in the maize.

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I used to have winter fat

But now I have spring rolls

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My favorite kids joke

One Sunday afternoon Rain Drop, the oldest child, grows curious and asks her mother:

"mother, why did you name me Rain Drop?"

"February 22, it was a winter night when I had you, me and your father took you out of the hospital as soon as you were born. It was raining outside and the first thing that touched your forehead was a clear cold rain drop, so we nam


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I have an idea what the Area 51 raid could look like if it takes place during winter.

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I was thinking that today I should dump this girl that I have been seeing

then again, maybe not yet, stock up on nuts for the upcoming winter..

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I sure hope we have a mild winter this year

Because this is America and I wouldn't want to have a kilometered winter

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Fall damage

more like winter damage

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A teacher asks one of his students why it was called the Cold War.

The student replies, "It was fought in the winter.'

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A blonde in Russia is buying a coat to protect herself from the cold in winter.

The salesman gets the best winter coat for her size and gives it to her for her to try it. The blonde puts the coat on, goes out and waits for two minutes to see if it works well. Then she says, "Oh there is no need to get a coat anymore, the weather got warm!"

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If Mrs. Ippi bought Virginia a new winter coat. What did Della wear?

Idaho. Alaska.

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Snow

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Why do Hispanics hate winter?

There is a chance of ICE.

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It was autumn, and Indians on a reserve asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter.

Raised in the ways of the modern world, the chief had never been taught the old secrets and had no way of knowing whether the winter would be cold or mild. To be on the safe side, he advised the tribe to collect wood and be prepared for a cold winter.

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A few days later, as a practical afterthought, he called the National Weather Service and asked whether


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It was very cold last winter, so cold that our puppy wouldnt even step outside the front door. My girlfriend felt bad, so she decided to order a sweater for him.

She’s always loved doggy style.

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A lamp broke up with a Bear

It had gone the whole winter without getting turned on

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Why do bird fly south for winter?

because its too long for a walk

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You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day?

Going to the beach on a winter day.

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What's long and hard on Canadians?

Winter

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My friend asked me whats a nice way to tell someone that they're getting fat.

Ask if they are getting ready to hibernate for the winter.

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A blind man is at the beach. (NSFW)

A blind man is at the beach, blowing up a blow-up sex doll. Many passer-bys are complaining about it to him.

"For God's sake, there are children here, stop blowing up and hide that sex doll at once!"

The blind man is of course shocked and responds in a surprised voice,

"What do you mean? Are you saying that I've been sleeping with an


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What do you call a sweater less chicken in a winter night ?

Chilly Chicken.

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What do you call a midget winter?

Anything you want, just don’t call it short

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An Indian who was too modern was elected as chief of the tribe

Fall was upon this remote reservation when the tribe asked their new Chief what the coming winter was going to be like. The modern day Chief had never been taught the secrets of the ancients. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.


Better safe than sorry, he said to himself and told his tribe that the winter was indeed expected to


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Why do bee's stay in the hive during winter?

Swarm

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Why did Hitler invade Russia in the winter?

Because it was the first time he felt his ball so close to the body.

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2 Friends Are Sitting At One Of The School Lunch Tables

Friend 1: So how about Kevin? He is pretty much the god of dumb jocks.

Friend 2: Yeah, but who's that new guy?

Friend 1: I dunno, he never speaks, and always hides under like 3 layers of winter clothes.

Friend 2: I think I heard he has these orange mittens that have some heating function, I think they're meant to be like the earth's core?


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It was winter and I saw a fish in a freezing cold water.

So I took it out and put it in the warm oven.

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My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

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A Lannister , A Baratheon and A Stark walk into a Bar .

A lannister , a baratheon and a stark walk into a bar .

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Lannister : Get me some fine Dornish wine and you shall " Hear me Roar" , and proceeds to sit down with a smug face .

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Baratheon : Get me some strong dirty old ale for " Ours is the Fury " , and proceeds to sit down with an angry face .


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Why do birds fly south during the winter?

Because it would take forever to walk

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In Game of Thrones Winter Came...

And everyone left unsatisfied

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Why was Fall mad at Winter?

Because Winter came too early

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Why did Fall and Winter have to go to group therapy?

Because Winter comes too early

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NEW state slogan for Wisconsin?

Many years ago I worked for a company that was based in a small town in Wisconsin... I would commute from Dallas to ORD (O'Hare) and make a 2-4h drive during the harshest of winter weather. The snow in this area of the country is heavy and wet and clearing roads is very difficult for even the best of snow plow trucks. I heard stories of a local Wisconsin cheese manufacturer that had an accid


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What's wrong with Soviet agriculture?

Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter

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When the Germans went to invade Russia, what did Russia tell them?

Winter is coming.

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What is white, cold, falls from the sky in winter and ends with "-unt" ?

The snow, you cunt !

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An alien wins the Lottery

Alien says "Alien Wife! Alien Wife! I've won the lottery - pack your things!"
Aliens Wife says "Oh my god! What should I pack? Alien Summer or Alien Winter clothes?"
Alien says "Don't care - just Alien FUCK OFF!"

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Man comes running home to his wife

He says "Wife! Wife! I've won the lottery - pack your things!"
Wife says "Oh my god! What should I pack? Summer or Winter clothes?"
Guy says "Don't care - just FUCK OFF!"

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I can never tell the difference between spring and winter.

In autumnal, I can't tell the difference between the seasons.

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One winter night

My friend: It's f\*\*\*\*\*g cold. When does summer start?

Me: June 1st.

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Why do cops love an icy winter morning?

So they can do donuts in the parking lot.

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Stupid joke my sister told me

“Winter is coming.”

“Tell him I’m not here!”

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Why dont bees leave their hive in winter?

Swarm

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An Indian tribal chief

decided to call his local National Weather Service office to see what kind of winter was expected. The forecaster replied, "Well, it looks like it will be cold." So the chief gathered his tribe together and warned them that the winter would be cold, so they needed to start collecting fire wood.

A couple of weeks later, the chief wanted an update, so he telephoned the forecas


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Why didn't Winter come?

Becsuse Winter fell and couldn't get up.

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To celebrate the end of winter, my local bed shop is having a spring sale.

The rest of the bed is still full price though.

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Game of Thrones Themed: "Knock knock. Who's there? Arya"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Arya"

"Arya who?"

"Arya gonna let me in? Winter is comin'!"

I'm a new dad ...I think this whole dad joke thing is inevitable.

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Have you heard about the seasonal camping sale?

It is the winter of discount tents!

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It was autumn, and the natives on the reservation asked their new chief if it was going to be a cold winter.

Raised in the ways of the modern world, the chief had never been taught the old secrets and had no way of knowing whether the winter would be cold or mild. To be on the safe side, he advised the tribe to collect wood and be prepared for a cold winter.

A few days later, as a practical afterthought, he called the National Weather Service and asked whether they were forecasting a cold wi


read more
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