Wink

Jokes

A man is concerned about his weight

He goes to the doctor and expresses his concern but after she has him step on the scales the doctor advises him that he is a healthy weight.
The man still appears troubled and asks her if there is a significant weight difference between men and women. The doctor replies that there is but for a man he doesn't need to worry.
In a flash the man wips off all his clothes and with


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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

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I met an older woman at a bar last night.

She looked pretty good for a lady who must have been in her 60s. In fact she wasn't bad at all! I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.

We drank a couple of beers and then she asked me if I'd ever had a "Sportsmans Double". "What's that?" I asked. "It's a mother and daughter threesome" she replied.


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"Waiter, may I ask you about the menu please?"

"The men I please? The ones who give me a big tip... If you know what I mean." *Wink Wink

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I am so popular among girls that they wink at me all the time

I just don't understand why they do it with both their eyes at the same time

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I met an older woman in a bar last night.

She looked pretty good for a sixty-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a "Sportsman's Double". "What's that?", I asked. "It's a mother and daughter threesome", she said. As my mind began to embrace the id


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You know you're getting old when...

You walk by 4 priest and don't even get a wink.

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A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, Hey, lady! Youre really ugly!"


The lady was furious and continued on her way. On the way home, she passed by the
pet store again and the parrot once more said:
"Hey, lady! You’re really ugly!"

She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would
sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sur


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My only problem with women breastfeeding in public is...

..they never wink back.

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A young attractive college student about to fail the course approaches her professor after class...

They are alone in the room and sits on his desk.

She leans in close and says "you know, I'm willing to do anything for a better grade..."

The professor looks her up and down, and says "anything?".

She gives a seductive wink, licks her lips, and says "anything..."

Professor responds, "Good. Then go study.&qu


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Do you have a pen?

So I was at the bar the other night and I saw this fat lady eying me up. After a while she comes up to me and says do you have a number cutie? I ask do you have a pen? With a wink she says sure do, and starts digging in her purse. Well, you need to get back in it before the farmer notices you’re missing


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What sound do nuts make when they sneeze?

“Cash-ew”

;) *wink wonk* I dont know how I came up with that one

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If a gender non binary winks at you how do you wink back?

Down the barrel of a gun :) :) :)

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Whats the only time you wink at a black man ?

When your looking down the scope of a rifle.

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A teenage boy walks into the kitchen to find his parents having sex. The dad turns around and gives him a cheeky wink.

Later on that evening the father hears strange noises coming from his sons room, he walks in to find his son having sex with his own grandmother. The son turns around, slips his dad a wink and says "it isn't fucking funny when it's your mum is it".

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She caught my eye from across the room

And she didn't even get grossed out when she saw me wink my empty socket. She's a keeper.

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Threesome??

I met an older woman at a bar last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.

In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all. …

I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double? ‘

What’s that? I asked.

‘It&rsquo


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Threesome??

I met an older woman at a bar last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.

In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all. …

I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double? ‘

What’s that? I asked.

‘It&rsquo


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I really don't mind women breastfeeding

I just wished they would wink back every once in a while

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How do you tell someone they spend too much time on reddit?

In r/jokes so they hopefully don't get offended.

Wink wink nudge nudge

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How do you tell someone they spend too much time on reddit?

In r/jokes so they hopefully don't get offended.

Wink wink nudge nudge

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I don't mind women breastfeeding in public...

But I hate it when they get offended when I wink at them and ask for a taste.

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What winks and fucks like a tiger?

*wink*

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My only problem with women breastfeeding in public is...

...they never wink back.

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PhD in Engineering

'I am big under my belt. I have a lot of knowledge about curves and tight places. *wink* '

'Woah, dude, do you have a PhD in Engineering?'

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Timothy and Anna decide to have a walk

Timothy and Anna decide to have a walk. As they come across a field filled with about 20 cows and 1 bull, the bull decides he has to make some little calfs and starts to cover a cow.

Thimothy sees what the bull is doing and says with a wink to Anna: 'What if I do what the bull is doing right now?'

'I don't care', she replies, ' those aren


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My wife just gave birth to our new born baby girl. I snuck away to the docs office to thank him and sheepishly asked how long until we can have sex?

The doctor looked at me and gave me a wink and said “give her about 15 to 16 years.

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A man walks into a diner. Sign says...

Cheese Sandwich - $3
Handjob - $10

"What a great deal," he thinks.

He calls out to the waitress behind the counter, "Are you the lady that gives the handjobs?!"

She replies, with a smile and a wink, "Well, yes I am, and just how can I help you?"

To which he answers, "Wash those hands, and make me a cheese


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A pretty boy walks into a bar

The bartender says "Sir, your shirt is on backwards." and the boy smiles and says "No sir, that's just to show people that I do go backwards" he finished with a wink.

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On a foreign tour, an Indian minister is invited by his US counterpart to his house. As he's being given the tour of the lavish mansion, the Indian official is quite impressed and asks the host, "How could you even afford this at your current income?"

The host, with an air of pride, takes him to a grand window and points to an under-construction bridge and asks, "What do you see there?"
Indian says, “An unfinished bridge.”
Host, with a smug smile and with a wink replies, “Exactly.”

After a few months, the US politician is on India tour and the Indian minister invites him to his house.


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Hey honey, what can I get for a quarter? wink

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I dont have a problem with women breastfeeding in public.

I just wish that they would wink back at me.

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How do government employees wink when they're at work?

They briefly open one eye.

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A Sportsmans Double

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to


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I met an older woman at a bar last night

She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what he


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Sportsmams Double )

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to


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When is the only time its acceptable to point, wink and smile at a black guy?

[deleted]

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Prostitution Sandwich

So this guy walks into a bar and on that little chalk board where they put the specials it says "happy hour deals: grilled cheese and draft beer: $10, ham sandwich $5, sex $100." After some conaideration, the guy asks the really sexy bartender "are you the one that does the sex?" She answers with a wink and a purr "yea babyyy" so he says to her "wash your fucking


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The Forums wink face war ")"

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As a white guy who grew up in the southern US, I've heard tons of racist jokes about every ethnicity except white.

I'm not racist, but a good joke is a good joke. Give me all your hilarious cracker, honkey, and peckerwood jokes! Don't be afraid to throw some off-color (wink wink) words in there. If I don't know what they mean I can ask somebody.
Tried this on r/funny, they referred me over here.

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The Sportsman's Double

I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.


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BRUCE JENNER CHANGE OVER

WHEN BRUCE JENNER FINISHES HIS CHANGE OVER IN BECOMING A WOMAN, OUT OF CURIOSITY (WINK WINK) I'D LIKE TO SEE HOW BIG HIS ASS IS GOING TO BE

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A man on a train is sitting across a gorgeous young lady, with tight short skirt on (NSFW)

She uncrosses her legs and he notices that she isn't wearing any panties. She saw him look, and says "Are you looking at my pussy?"
The man shamefully apologizes, and promises that it will not happen again.
"It's ok," she says, "I can make it do tricks. Look, I'll blow you a kiss"
The man watches her vagina make a kiss movement and is


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There's a problem I have with breastfeeding in public.

They never wink back.

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Have you heard about all the decapitations happening in the Middle East right now?

I certainty won't beheading their anytime soon!

-wink-

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A pastor decides to play hooky from church one Sunday.

So a local pastor wakes up one Sunday in no mood to go to work. He calls his church's secretary and informs her that they will need a substitute Pastor that Sunday, he was feeling sick and could not come. She wishes him well and makes the arrangements.

Following this, the pastor goes to the country club instead, deciding to spend his morning playing golf. God and Jesus see him ab


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A young newlywed couple are getting busy...

In a cabin on a tropical island, when this weird bug flies right up her snatch.

Since there are no medical facilities, they rush to the local healer.

Upon hearing the news, the healer has her disrobe and lay upon his kitchen/examining table.

He tells them, "This is most likely the lakanookie wasp, it's attracted to the smell of honey (wink, wink). S


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When i saw my missus walking down the aisle.

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me. My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable. It seemed to take an age but eventually there she was, stood beside me. I gave her a cheeky wink and said " get that fucking trolley over here, they're doing 3 cases of Stella for the price of 2!


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A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station


A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.

He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.

The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."

The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this.&qu


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I'll never forget how happy i was when i saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me...

..., My heart was beating so fast and the expectation was unbearable. It seemed to take so long but eventually there she was, stood beside me. I gave her a cheeky wink and said, 'get that fucking trolley over here they're doing three crates of Stella for the price of two!!!!

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