Weeping

Jokes

I will not live to see that day :(

Three old men went to see God.

The first old man, an American, asked God when will his country come out of recession. "100 years," God said.
The American started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Second man, a Russian asked God "When will my country become prosperous?"
"Fifty years," came the reply


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A man named Joe woke up one day to find that his testicles were all red

He has never experienced anything like this before so he goes to the doctor to get it checked out. While in the waiting room, he sees another guy sitting anxiously.

Joe: “what are you here for?”

Man: “I woke up today and my testicles were all green!”

Joe: “that’s strange, I woke up today and mine were all red!”


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Jesus is hanging on the cross...

He looks down and sees his disciple Peter weeping, and says,

"Come to me my son" Peter approaches a few steps.

"Closer" whispers Jesus. Peter walks right up to the cross, and Jesus leans down and whispers,

"Peter, I can see your House from here!"

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My father is the strongest, most stoic person I've ever met. I've never seen him cry in my life even when he was fighting cancer. I took him to the dentist and when he's done he came out weeping like a baby. I asked him, "Dad, what happened?"

And he said, "The dentist gave me fillings."

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Nsfw long what's wrong with your dick?

A guy goes into a public restroom and sees a man gently weeping in front of a urinal. He asks him what's wrong, and realises the man has no arms.
"Well... I recently lost my arms in an accident and I'm having a hard time coping with it. It's my first day out of the hospital and I can't figure out how to pee by myself. Would you PLEASE help me?" The man choked th


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I knew a guy who married a tree...

My neighbor fell in love with this oak tree on his property. He ended up having a wedding ceremony and everything (don't ask how he consummated it...). All things considered it was one of the most stable marriages I had ever seen, lasting nearly 20 years. Then a lightning strike split the tree in half, killing it dead. My neighbor was distraught and would spend hours outside at the dead trunk


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Whats a Weeping Angels least favorite car?

A BMW.

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A boss is about to fire his engineer after a bridge collapses.

But after seeing the engineer weeping, tells him "oh cry me a river, just build a new one and get over it."

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Why did you die?

So a man named John is in the cemetery, just like every Sunday, visiting his wife.

But this day was different than the others. Today a man was on his hands and knees weeping and shouting, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"

Well John feels sorry for the guy so he heads over and asks the man what's wrong. The weeping man doesn't acknowledge him and just


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Why was the Gungan sent back in time by the Weeping Angel?

He Jar Jar Blinked.

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Sam was dying.

His wife, Carol, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held
his fragile hand, with tears running down her face. Her praying roused him
from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Carol," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."
In his tired voice,


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Death is coming to take a lawyer away

The lawyer is weeping, "why now? I am only fourty!"

Death replies, "not according to the hours you billed your clients".

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Lifeguards wouldn't let Obama in the pool

because he had weeping *legions*

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What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow?

Hey pal, you just need to branch out more.

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The Farmer and the Scientist

There once was a tornado that was so strong it took away half of a farmers flock of turkeys. The farmer went to the scientist weeping asking what the scientist could do. "Take these beans", the scientist said, "feed them to your turkeys, and tomorrow they will each be as big as a man." The next day was thanksgiving, and the farmer came back to the scientist weeping. "W


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Mom: (weeping) Sonyour Grandpahehe

He, overdosed on viagra… (sobs)

Dad: i'm sure this i HARD for you…

(Not my joke heard this and died laughing, had to share)

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What do you call Will Smith's crying daughter?

A weeping Willow.

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So me and my paedophile friends have a weekly gathering...

Every week one of us brings a talent down the pub to show the others - this time it was my turn.
I brought along my guitar and after some Dutch courage I began to play.
Within a few seconds of starting the guys started cheering me on, one of them was even weeping, saying how amazing the song was.
I had no idea what the big deal was, I was just fingering A minor.


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A man and a little girl...

walk in the forrest at midnight. The little girl starts weeping. Its so cold and dark i´m afraid. The man answers: stop complaining i´m the one who has to go back alone.

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On a rainy day two men are standing under the poplar trees in the park

One of them is weeping:

- John. Do you know how difficult it is to lose a wife?
- I know Jack, I know. Practically impossible.

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Patty and Billy...

...drink whiskey together on a regular basis and become the closest of friends. They make a vow that the one who outlives the other will open a bottle of the finest whiskey and pour on the grave site of the other on the day of the funeral. Sadly, Patty dies and Billy is left to proceed with the ritual after everyone leaves the cemetery. As he stands over the grave, deeply sobbing and weeping, h


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Sam was dying.

His wife, Carol, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held
his fragile hand, with tears running down her face. Her praying roused him
from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Carol," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."
In his tired voice,


read more
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Sam was dying.

His wife, Carol, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held
his fragile hand, with tears running down her face. Her praying roused him
from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Carol," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk."
In his tired voice,


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What do you do?

So, you are walking around in a forest and see a girl lying on the floor, half naked and clothes tattered. She is weeping heavily, and you can tell she has just been raped.

What do you do?

You check your map, because you have been walking in a circle.

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So this cravat came up to me and started weeping...

...I thought "I can't *stand* emotional ties"

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I took my inflatable doll back to the shop because it had developed feelings and started weeping. They told me there was nothing wrong with it.

It just needed emptying

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So the world's first cloned man is at the funeral of his cloned twin, weeping next to the coffin.

He's just beside himself.

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