Wealth

Jokes

OJ Simpson has just stated that to regain his wealth, he'll go back to what he does best.

Committing homicide and getting away with it.

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An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

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Why are fish fond of money and wealth?

Because they are super-FISH-al

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Three men are walking on a beach when they fined a lamp buried in the sand.

They dig it up, brush it off, and a genie appears.

"I shall give you each three wishes," the genie intones.

The first guy says, "For my first wish, I want unlimited wealth." The genie grants the wish.

The second guy says, "That sounds good, unlimited wealth for me too." The genie grants the wish.

The third guy starts


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A very avaricious man took a vacation

The very avaricious man took a vacation for the first time in his life, with his wife, to a family home in a foreign country to celebrate their 23th marriage anniversary.

Everything was fine. He deserved to rest after all this years of hard working. He had set for himself a goal in this life, to collect as much money and wealth as he can until he dies.

And so, he was li


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Donald Trump should be cast in an X-Men movie

Seems his secret superpower is making vast amount of wealth disappear

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Donald Trump is actually a socialist

He gave away over $1,000,000,000 of his wealth to other people.

What a great guy!

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El Chapo came so close to a comfortable life of fantastic wealth and power.

He would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.

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A bright and brash Australian,

the hunter was his name.

All those slimy reptiles

brought him wealth and fame.

Some say he was a looker,

to girls he was a dish.

He knew everything about crocodiles

But fuck all about fish.

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Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near.

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast . He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak: "My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra." "My daughter Geraldine , you take the apartments over in Malone Road." "My so


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Everyone knows about Adam Smith, but nobody knows about Atom Smith.

He wrote the Wealth of Cations.

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So, I named my penis Buddha

Bc often when I rub it, it brings me happiness,peace and mental wealth.

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In some cultures, eunuchs historically have a lot of wealth and influence.

It is part of their compensation package.

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What does a prince wear to show his wealth?

Heirpods.

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There was once a king...

... who owned two magnificent kingdoms. Vast in land and great in wealth. One day the king decided he wanted to give one of his kingdoms away. He gathered all of his people and told them,

"He who swims across the immense river separating my two kingdoms shall inherit the one in the East. But beware. The river is infested with alligators and all sorts of creatures who will be mor


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Trump, Putin, Xi Jinping, and Prince Muhammad Bin Salman are all on AF-1.

Trump- You know, I could throw a billion dollars out the window and many would like it.


Putin- I could throw a nation's wealth out the window and millions would like it.


Xi- I could throw America's wealth out the window and billions would like it.


MBS- I could throw the world's wealth and everyone would like it... But that&


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Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near...


...His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast .
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra."
"My daughter Geraldine , you take the apartments over in


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In 2007 the richest 1 of the American population owned 35 of the country's total wealth

Well boy, are you gonna freak when you hear of genders.

Please don’t downvote I don’t hate anyone of any gender

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3 Men walk into a strip club,

An American, An Arab and An Asian, The American wanted to show off his wealth, so he took out a wad of cash and slapped the right buttcheek of the stripper.

The Arab not wanting to lose in a battle of wealth, took out a bigger wad of cash and slapped the left buttcheek of the stripper.

They both then stared at the Asian man, who proceeded to take a credit card and swipe


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8 dudes have as much wealth as 4 billion people. We need to start killing them

But it will take a while to kill 4 billion people

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Three sons go to their father on his deathbed...

A father of three - a man of considerable wealth and creator of a veritable empire - lies on his deathbed in the final hours of his life. His sons - all vying to inherit his wealth - stand by his side, arguing over who should take the kingdom.
"I am the smartest," says one.
"But I am the bravest," replies another.
The youngest - last in line to inherit - says


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If one's wealth was determined by how closely one follows a moral code

Evangelicals would finally be as poor as Jesus wants them to be

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If you could have Bill Gates' wealth or cure all the suffering in Africa...

What colour Ferrari would you get?

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Why are rich british people fat?

because they measure their wealth in pounds

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Money talks, but wealth whispers.

And I'm a loudmouth.

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One of the Billionaires could just donate 1 of their wealth

to me and change my life while their life is virtually unaffected!

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So a guy is wandering through the desert, minding his own business, when suddenly a black cloud appears above his head accompanied by lightning and a thunderous, commanding voice:

"GRABEN!", the voice proclaims, and the cloud disappears again to reveal the burning sun. The man looks a little puzzled, trying to comprehend what just happened. Just as he's about to shrug it off and move on, the cloud and lightning appear again. "GRABEN!", the voice roars again.

Not wanting any trouble with unknown entities and not having anything bette


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Jeff Bezos personal wealth grows to $150 Billion

He should simply change his spelling to


**J€££ B€zo$**

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Once colonization was to transfer of wealth from colonized lands, today the people from this former colonies are coming to claim their wealths?

Colonization without armada

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No wonder the devil has so much wealth to temp people with...

He's been laundering money in an off-sheol account.

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What do you call an Arab who built his wealth by selling dairy products?

A milk-sheikh

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An eye for an eye left the whole world blind.

Humanity was growing darker by the day. Food became scarce, and humans lived in fear wild animals who now had the upper hand. All hope was beginning to fade, but one rumor kept people from giving into despair. There were whispers of a man named Jed who could still see. Jed had avoided the chaos and conflict that plagued his brothers and sisters, and he was able to escape the fighting with one good


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82 of wealth generated in 2017 went to the top 1

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Hillary Clinton Meets Satan

Hillary was finishing up a day on the campaign trail when the Devil suddenly appeared in her and made her an offer.

“I am here to make you a deal,” the Devil says. “I will give you unlimited wealth, power, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constit


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Donald Trump's has said his favorite movie is Citizen Kane

It's about a guy who inherited his wealth, flirted with fascism, and ended up a delusional, sad man.

I really don't have anything to add to that.

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What did the Wealth of Nations say to the Communist Manifesto to cheer it up?

Some day you will be red!

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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive

They still wouldn't date me, despite my wealth.

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Wealth amp Sizes

[deleted]

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Hillary Meets with Satan

Hillary was finishing up a day on the campaign trail when the Devil suddenly appeared in her and made her an offer...

"I am here to offer you a deal," the Devil said. "I will give you unlimited wealth, even more power, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all yo


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Rich vs poor

One day a poor man questions a rich man about his riches...

Poor man: Hello sir can I ask you how you became rich?
rich man: certainly! My wealth was built in my family and has been passed down to me.
poor man: I to would like to be rich and pass down wealth to my family, how can I do this?
rich man: well first you'll need to get a job, and earn an income.


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A little boy says to his dad

'What is the difference between wealth and poverty?'

And the dad says:

'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'

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Young Tasmanian women bring home her immigrant boyfriend.

"Dad this is the man I want to marry." She says.Her father grills her with questions. "Let me guess, he's from a poor family and I'll have to pay for the wedding?" He fussed. "His family owns a telco and have offered to pay for the wedding and flights for guests." She says. "Hur, so let me guess he bludges off his family's wealth?" says Dad. &


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Wealth automatically brings a lot of materialistic pleasures with it.- Riches Jokes

Jokes on Middle name and Wealth-
Mr. Schwartz was the oldest of 7 children, so he had to quit school and work to help support his younger brothers and sisters. He never learned to read, so when he married and started a checking account, he signed his checks simply "XX".

Eventually he started his own business, which immediately prospered.

He soon was a ve


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Giant Orange Head

A guy walks into a bar and notices a man with a giant orange head sitting at the end. The guy sits next to orange-head, and orders a drink. After a few minutes of stealing glances, the guy can't take it anymore and breaks the silence.
"I'm sorry sir, but I have to ask: what's with your head?"
The man sighs. "I get that a lot. It happened a few months ago.


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Marrying up...

Marrying up sounds like a great way to gain access to wealth, but I'm afraid of the commitment. I'll just stick to fucking up.

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Ayn rand goes into a coffee shop

Ayn Rand goes up to the counter. “What do you want?” asks the barista. “Exactly the relevant question. As a rational human being, it is my desires that are paramount. Since as a reasoning animal I have the power to choose, and since I am not bound by any demand to subordinate my desires to that of an outside party who wishes to use force or guilt to make me sacrifice my values to


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The man with the orange head

A Man walks into a bar, who has an orange for a head. He walks up the bar and asks for a drink. The man next to him, looking at him strangly asks "Why do you have an orange for a head?", the man with the orange head replies "It's a long story..." and continues to tell it.

"It was about three years ago, when i was walking through a desert, i came across t


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Eunuchs have been historically given influence or wealth as part of their compensation package.

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A elderly gay couple find a genie

Neil and Bob, a gay couple in their 60s are out antiquing one day when they come across an old Alladin-style lamp. Neither man can resist the kitschy style that the lamp could bring to their foyer, so they haggle the shop keeper down to a reasonable price and take it home.

At home, Neil is polishing the lamp, trying to bring it back to its original luster and shine when blue genie po


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Tissues

There was once a really wealthy lady in Persia. People believed she knew black magic. Curious, the Shah sent over one of his advisors:

Advisor: So how is it that you amassed all this wealth?

Lady: When I was 13 my Uncle gave me a funny looking lamp..

Advisor: ..a magical one?

Lady: Indeed. So I rubbed it, like he told me..

Advisor: .


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