Wait

Jokes

Paul Reveres Chicken (OC)

Paul Revere has a chicken named Gallo. When the American Revolution was well underway, he spent several nights training the chicken secretly in his barn. When he finally felt Gallo was ready, he brought it with him to the Sons of Liberty. At first, they laughed.

“Well, now, laugh if you want, but this here is a *highly trained* chicken, and Gallo here will help us win the war!&r


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Why is food better than men?

Because you don’t have to wait an hour for seconds.

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Why do bacteria wait 5 seconds before touching food?

They first need to skip an ad

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I once turned down a threesome in university because I thought they were trying to get my chocolate bar.

Two girls were making out with each other as I wait for the elevator.

They asked if I "wanted to share."

I told them no because that was the last Mars bar in the vending machine.

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A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

A filthy tramp wandering by, stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a little sex before you jump?"

She screamed, "No! Go away you filthy old bastard!"

He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

She didn't


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So my friend had a threesome last night, and was telling her blonde friend about it

My friend says, “I slept with two Brazilian men last night.”

Her friend asks, “Wait... how many zeroes are there in a Brazilian?”

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My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!

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God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"


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Suicide Prevention

A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.

A filthy man wandering by stopped and said, “Look, since you’ll be dead in a few minutes, and it won’t matter to you, how about a little sex before you go?”

She screamed, “NO! Bug off you filthy old bastard!”

He shrugged and turned away sa


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So 3 wise men go to see baby Jesus

and the first wise man shows up and gives baby Jesus some Gold.


The second wise man shows up and gives him some Frakensense.


The third wise man shows up and says "But wait, theres myrrh!"

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Which came first the chicken or egg?

Actually it was the cock who came first after humping the hen and

impregnating her with his sperm and thereby letting her conceive and

lay the egg containing the chicken, oh wait this still doesnt answer

the question does it?

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Have you guys seen my new invisibility cloak?

Oh wait nevermind

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Why are posts about the new Tool album getting so many Reddit awards?

Because it is worth its wait in gold.

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A guy goes to his doctor to ask for his Medical Test Results.

\-Are my result in, doctor? The wait is killing me.

\-Well... it's not the only thing killing you

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A husband asks a gas station worker to "fill er up, please"

Gas station worker: ok

GSW: *takes wife*

Husband: Wait, what are you doing?

GSW: *takes off her clothes*

Husband: Now wait just a moment

GSW: what?

Husband: I DIDN'T MEAN FILL MY WIFE UP WITH SEMEN!

GSW: Ohhhhh I get it now, this should just take a moment.

GSW: *takes gas pump off its holde


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Boyfriend: The World is flat

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I told my husband I was going to weight training tomorrow...

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The 6 step guide to love and lasting relationships

1. Find someone who makes you laugh


2. Find someone who has a job or doesn't mind housework


3. Find someone who is honest


4. Find someone who will wait on you hand and foot


5. Find someone who is awesome in the bedroom


6. Most of all it is very important that these


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What do Disney World amp Viagra have in common?

They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride

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I got in trouble of my mom today.

I was tickling my brother's foot this morning and she got mad, saying something about "At least wait until he is born"

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I have some jokes about unemployment

Oh wait they never work

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Good things come to those who wait.

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Neighbor: Hey just so you know, I invited Dan to the dinner party!

Me: Cannibal Dan or Dan who can't spell

\*phone chimes\*

\[Text from Dan\] I can't wait to meat your friend tonight!

Neighbor: Yeah, I'm not sure

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There once was three snails crossing the Sahara desert

They had been crawling for a good hundreds of years. Suddenly they saw something in the distance and once they reached it, they saw that it was one piece of french fry.
As they were about to dig in one of the sail said;
-"Damn i wish we had some salt for this."
The other snail; - "i can go back and get some if you guys wait for me"
-"of course we&


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Why did Captain America wait so long to carry Thors hammer?

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Demon: I saved someone from getting murdered today.

Lucifer: Wait, you saved someone? how?
Demon: Self-Control.

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How do you find Will Smith after a snowstorm?

You call his agent and wait for a call back. Dude's probably spending time with his family.

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On the lowest branch of a tree, there is a caterpillar looking at a bud. Hungrily, it says: "I'll be damned if don't eat this bud. But I'll wait until it has bloomed so that I can go and fill my belly !!" and then it waits patiently for the bud to bloom.

Higher on that tree, a sparrow is looking at the caterpillar and says: "I'll be damned if don't eat this caterpillar. But I'll wait until it has eaten the bud so that I can go and fill my belly!! " and then it waits patiently for the caterpillar to eat the bud.

Watching from another branch, a hawk hungrily looks at the sparrow and says: "I'll be damn


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Whats the litest party you ever been to?

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Wait for it

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did Donald Trump cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken

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What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?

They both make you stand around for an hour and wait for a two minute ride.

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A wife sent a message to her husband..

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Soon same-sex marriage will be legal in India. Raj, a homosexual in Bangalore, is all excited about having a big fat wedding. All he has to do now is to wait until...

his parents find him a match!

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A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at the weekend a strange lady came around"

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the morning. Carry on, dear."

"We


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Did u hear the one about the deaf chick?

Oh... wait

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Did you know that Marvel's newest Supervillian will own a cake shop?

I just can't wait to see their diabetical plan play out!

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I did everything the Nigerian prince asked of me

Now I just have to wait for him to get me out of jail

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A man comes into a bar...

No wait, it was a horse.

So, a man comes into a horse ...

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Come on, man. You just made a mistake. It's not the end of the world.

Wait, did you just tell me that you were a military officer operating a nuclear missile silo?

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Naruto and Kakashi are talking about their first teammates.

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A young man wakes up one night and jumps into bed with his grandmother...

Half an hour later, his father catches them in the act, and unsurprisingly begins beating him. "Now wait a minute," shouts the son. "All this time you've been screwing my mother without a word from me, yet you're getting angry when you catch me just *once* on top of yours?"


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My car will be 16 years old this year.

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Why did the chicken named Willie cross the road?

He just couldn't wait to get on the road again.

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Sweet Honey

I just noticed that honey smells like spit.

Oh wait, it IS!!!

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How to lose 10lbs in a month

Step 1: Cut off your non-favourite arm.

Step 2: Wait a month.

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You're dumb if you use contractions. It's lazy, and they never should've been invented.

Wait a minute...

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I don't support gender neutral bathrooms.

I would rather not wait longer while more people have sex in the stall I just came to shit in.

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Dad -I'm on my way home.

Son - 'K, I'm here.

Dad - can't wait to taste your mom's vagina.

Son - Dad, gross!

Dad - goddam autocorrect - meant your mom's lasagna.

Son - lol.

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A blond and a brunette are walking through a field at night.

There is a full moon out.

The brunette points to the moon and says, "Did you know that the moon is made out of cheese?"

The blond's eyes widen and she says, "No, that's really neat!"

The brunette then says, "you know, if we could get up to the moon, gather up a bunch of that cheese and bring it back to Earth, we could sell i


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A boy walks to his dad and says what's the origin of my new father?

He says, "Well my son I will start in the beginning
First your brother was born and I walked outside and saw a flying eagle and thought soaring eagle, then your next brother was born I walked outside and saw a wild dog and thought courageous wolf, but wait before I tell you why do you ask , Two dogs making love?"


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