Volunteer

Jokes

People complaining about Bryan Cranston playing a paraplegic in The Upside, saying it takes away a role from disabled actors.

Well I didn't see any genuine paraplegics raising their hands to volunteer for the part.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Everyday, after work..

I volunteer to help blind children.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A priest is asked to teach a sex Ed class to a bunch of 5th graders.

Priest: hello children, welcome to sex Ed, where I will be teaching you about sex. First off, can I have a volunteer to help me with a demonstration?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A barista, a viking, and a veterinarian are getting dinner together.

The topic of vacation comes up and the barista says, "I don't have a lot saved up, so I think I'm going to stick around town this year and just take it easy."

The viking chimes in, "I'm going to take my ship out with my mates and raid the lands to the south." The other two look a bit shocked.

The veterinarian says, "I really want to


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

On the weekends I volunteer to help blind people.

"That's great," my friend said to me "how does that make you feel traumatised though?"

"The verb, not the adjective"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the Italian say when he tested his first successful skunk perfume on a volunteer?

You reek-uh!

OC- as far as I know

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a volunteer bricklayer?

A freemason.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The captain of small town fire station has 2 volunteers that never went to a fire.

So when he received a call for a small fire at a farm outside of town, he thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to send the guys to their first fire.

"Call me when the situation is stable, ok?"

The two happy guys hop on the fire truck and off they go to their first fire.

An hour passes, no news from them.

After two hours, t


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I saw a 4 year girl crying, all alone.

“Are you ok?” I asked her. “Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?”

“No” she sobbed.

I love doing volunteer work at the orphanage.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I wanted to volunteer at the tourettes disorder association

But they told me to go fuck myself.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

As a volunteer, it felt great to help feed a homeless family today.

as an arsonist, it's always a treat to meet my victims! \]:-D

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call an airport security employee?

A volunteer

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I'm going to volunteer at a shelter nearby to.....

feed TSA agents and other government workers

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I'm doing volunteer work at an abortion clinic

It's great. Not only do I get to meet lots of easy chicks, I know they're not looking for anything too serious.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.



So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend asked me why I always volunteer to drive her around on Rosh Hashanah...

I dunno, I just heard they always blow the shofar.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend asked her why I always volunteer to drive her around on Rosh Hashanah...

I dunno, I just heard they always blow the shofar.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I wasn't accepted at a volunteer today.

Apparently, when they ask you "Do you help blind children?"

"Frequently" was not good enough...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An interesting title

Asian guy: Why you plotecting endangered animals?

WWF Volunteer: Conservation

Asian guy: My people no endangered?! Why conserve us?!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

After work, I volunteer to help blind children

By the way: Verb, not adjective

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A magician discovers time travel

A magician pulls out a sledgehammer and asks for a volunteer. A guy comes up and the magician says, "I want you to hit me in the head with this sledgehammer." So the volunteer picks the sledgehammer up and swings it down into the magician's head. The magician wakes up in a hospital bed three years later and says, "Tadaaaaahhhh!!!!"

**Credits to u/GeneralText**


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

In anatomy class,

In anatomy class, the teacher asks for a volunteer. No one raises their hand besides that one weird kid in the back of the class. The teacher sighs, and calls on him. He walks up triumphantly, and once at the front of the class, immediately drops his pants. The whole class gasps, and the teacher is flustered. “Robert, What in gods name?” He replies, “You needed a volunteer!&rdquo


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A fire started on some grasslands near a farm.

The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It's so hot out here, and I'm sweating so much...

They have me working as a volunteer fire hydrant.


Credit: Kyle Mooney on Saturday Night Live

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does NAVY stand for?

Never Again Volunteer Yourself.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

No one understands how important milliseconds are, better than volunteer firefighters

It's the amount of time they have from meeting you, to telling you they are a volunteer firefighter.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What kind of clothes does a volunteer wear?

Participants.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I volunteer part time as a jouster at the renaissance fair.

I’m a free lancer.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Milliseconds are important to volunteer firefighters.

It's the amount of time they have in between meeting you, and telling you they are a volunteer firefighter.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Saw my doctor recently

He said that I need to start eating more vegetables. So lately I’ve been a regular volunteer at the local women’s hospital-intensive care unit.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Milliseconds are important to volunteer firefighters

It's the amount of time they have after meeting you to tell you they are a volunteer firefighter.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An archery contest

Once upon a time there was an archery competition.

The first contestant, wearing a long cape covering his face, put a watermelon on a volunteer, took 100 paces away then turned and fired. The watermelon exploded. The archer took off his cape and claimed: I AM ROBINHOOD!

The second one with a hood put an apple above the volunteer head, took 200 paces and fired right throug


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My motto is "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

They don't let me volunteer for the suicide prevention hotline anymore.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Wee Jimmy joins the circus.

Wee Jimmy runs away from home. He finds a big-top and seeks out the ringmaster to ask to join the circus.

The ringmaster asks, "well what can you do. Everyone in the circus has a skill, what is yours? Can you juggle, do acrobatics, act like a clown, train wild animals what"

"Just let me perform and you will see what I can do." - says Jimmy. The rin


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My barber and I were talking about places he's cut hair, he said he used to do hair cuts for a lot of prisoners. I said, "cool, you did volunteer work there?" His response:

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Magician asks for a volunteer...

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why couldn't I call back a Bernie Sanders volunteer?

Because they were using a Berner Phone.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I Used To Volunteer At A "Planned Parenthood"...

We had these insanely long breaks. They gave us like, an hour for lunch. So, when we finished up, we'd go out back and get some exercise and play football. But the owner was religious, and as it would turn out, the Christian faith is against using pigskin footballs because it's "cruel and unusual", so in lieu of that, we took a day-old stillborn and threw it around instead.


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale

I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Lawyer Joke

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give s


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Ever hear about U2's PR manager who was an unpaid volunteer?

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Random acts of nature

An international aid worker was volunteering at a small remote village in Africa. He was the only outsider the villagers have ever seen. But after awhile, they welcomed him into their homes.

The village chief had a beautiful daughter that had caught the eye of this worker. Everyday she would make eye contact and smile at him, but he knew it was against the rules to have a relationshi


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Lawyer joke

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from
the city's most successful lawyer.So a volunteer paid the lawyer a
visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by
saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is many millions of dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't
you like to gi


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer...

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your resear


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I need a volunteer to test Stockholm syndrome.

Any takers?

Edit: This is a dumb joke...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Fire Started In A Chemical Plant

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and before you could snap your fingers it exploded into flames and the alarm went out to the volunteer fire departments from miles around.

When the volunteer firefighters appeared on the scene,
the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said,
"All of our secret formul


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man was at a HIV volunteer center...

...to give a motivational talk to the patients

He told them they need to stay positive.

Not surprise he got kicked out shortly after

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Norwegian Volunteer Fire Dept

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vau


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE