Vital

Jokes

You know, dolphins are vital in their food chains.

There can be no life without porpoise.

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My girlfriend is a structurally vital wall

Because she bears my load

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Why is calcium vital in the brass instruments manufacturing industry?

because calcium helps build trombones.

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Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

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The police were having trouble bringing down a New York crime family...

...until a member of the family went to the police with information on their criminal activities.

The police made loads of arrests, and the confidential informant was placed into witness protection. However, a corrupt policeman revealed the identity of the informant to the family.

In one last act of violence before his arrest, the crime leader placed a bomb in the informa


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How does a baby survive being delivered?

Isn’t it a vital organ?

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An old woman is in a coma in a hospital and has been for 6 months...

One day a nurse is giving the comatosed woman her daily sponge bath and when the nurse rubbed the lady on her special place she noticed the heart monitor dramatically spike up indicating the woman might have responded!

The nurse inform the doctors who immediately call the woman's husband to the scene and explain what has happened to him.

The doctors go on to say tha


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A mp3 hits your ears a mp4 hits your eyes

An mp5 hits your vital organs.

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Old people, fall asleep in the recovery position

It will save the paramedics vital minutes.

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A comedy professor looks at his students essay and calls the student over.

Student: Yes?

Professor: You’re missing a vital part of this essay.

Student: What?

Professor: A punchline.

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I asked a butcher to deliver my baby

Now it's missing a vital organ.

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Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman...

... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital.

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Vital signs

She’s only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. One day she said, “You know what kills me … ?”

Smiling, Mark teased, “Apparently nothing.”


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Welcome back to Earth, Scott Kelly! Your year in space is vital to the future of American space travel.

[deleted]

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Old Aunt Mildred

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to


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As much as I disagree with Donald Trumps policies, we agree one one major and vital thing...

We would both love to fuck his daughter.

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How do you know an angle is dead?

When it shows no vital sines

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Despite how vital drinking water is....

I always turn my nose up at it.

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Arnold Schwarzenegger

Honestly if you see an Arnold Schwarzenegger in the wild they will be much more afraid of you than you are of them. If one does accidentally get into your house then just scoop it up in a Humvee and leave it outside (if you're scared then you can always ask an adult to do this).

One thing to remember is that whilst they can be scary, they're also a vital part of the food cha


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Our vital solutions

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A woman is in a coma

and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman’s vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says ’come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.’ so the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do. The nurse says, ’ i think that o


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How Men Think...

A nurse was giving a female coma patient a sponge bath, when she accidently brushed up on the womans private parts. Suddenly, the patients vital signs jumped up. So the nurse tried it again, and once again, the vital signs jumped up...so she called the Doctor, and showed him what had happened.
The Doctor grew excited, and called the womans husband. He explained what had happened, and said &q


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Two elderly Russian veterans go to travel in the jungles of Congo

Two elderly Russian veterans go to travel in the jungles of Congo. They roam the jungle, singing vodka songs and hunting their own food for weeks, when suddenly a huge lion jumps on one of them out of nowhere, crushing the elderly Russian to the ground, vigorously biting off most of his vital organs one after the other. The other elderly veteran looks at him worriedly. "Vladimir, comrade, is


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A woman is in a coma...

Desperate for ways to wake her up, the husband frantically asks the hospital staff what can be done. No one had an answer. Later that night as he sit by her side, a nurse from earlier in day is finishing her shift and pops in the room to give some last minute advice. "You know, it may not help, but I've heard of instances where oral sex has pulled a woman out of a coma"
Twent


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The Chibese have successfully tested their new Stealth Drone...

Not only will it be used for Recon and Combat missions but it will also be able to drop vital equipment on the Battlefield.

It has the element of Supplies.

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So this bloke pulled a vital organ out of my chest ...

and chucked it into a pond. My heart sank.organ out of my chest and chucked it into a pond.

My heart sank.

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