Violin

Jokes

How do you keep a violin from being stolen?

Put it in a viola case.

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A classical musician bought a Stradivari violin

Now he is quite Baroque.

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Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?

Because his violin was Baroque

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Whats the difference between a fiddle and a violin?

The number of teeth the person playing it has.

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What is the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

A violin has strings, and a fiddle has "strangs."

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Did you hear about the new spider they found? Instead of a brown recluse, it's a new brother to it called the Alabama recluse.

Instead of having the tell-tale violin marking on it's back, it has a banjo on its knee.

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I bought the neck of an antique violin and wrote it off on my taxes as a business expense

I'll admit, its a bit of a fiddle.

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A little boy opens his violin case and an AK47 falls out

His teacher screams "Tommy what the hell is that!"

Tommy stares blankly at the gun for a moment and says "oh crap my dad is gonna rob a bank with my violin"

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Violence is never the answer! Unless the question is...

What do you have if you more than one violin?

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I went to the music shop to buy a violin, the assistant said "Do you want a bow as well?"..

I said "Don't bother wrapping it"...

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Im opening up a violin school for the under 10s

Book you place at kiddy fiddlers now.

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A little kid at school opens a violin case...

A little kid at school opens a violin case and there is a big gun inside. The little kid says:
"I'm curious what is my father going to do in the bank with my violin..."

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Pandas are dangerous

The unusual story of a panda:

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One day, a panda carrying a violin case enters a restaurant. There, he orders some food, and when he had finished, he opened the violin case, took out a machine gun and killed everybody but the manager (wow that's violent). The manager ran up to him and asked: "But we were so kind to you, why did you do that?".


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I got confused during my first big solo in front of a huge crowd and played my violin wrong

I blew it

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Saw my violin teacher on the 9 oclock news

He was fiddling with the kids

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What do you do to prevent your violin from being stolen?

Put it in a viola case

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A little girl goes to the violin teacher



When she opens the violin case, there is no violin but a tommy gun in it. The teacher is shocked, but the little girl is just giggling.

“What so funny about this? “ the teacher askes her terrified.

“You see, now my father is trying to rob the bank with a violin!”

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It is the year 2200

A scientist finds a way to make electricity from plucking the strings of guitars, so that you can play and generate elecrricity at the same time.

He tries it with the violin, but it does not generate anything.

Then he tries it with a banjo, but it still does not work.

He picks up the harp and as he is about to try it, he says to his assistant:

&q


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How do you keep your violin from being stolen?

Put it in a viola case!

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My daughter was having problems with her G string and didnt want her daddys help sorting it out.

Good thing I’m learning violin too and could help.

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How does a violin say hello?

G'DAE Mate!

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My violin tutor told me my fingering was good but my positions could be better.

And then we started the lesson.

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What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

A violin's got strings. A fiddle's got strangs.

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Making love to a woman is like playing a violin

I don't know how to do it…

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What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

Jared from Subway didn't violin kids.

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Whats the difference between a fiddle and a violin?

About $10,000.

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Making love to a woman is a lot like playing the violin.

I guess, i don't know how to do either

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Why dont you attack an orchestra?

Because they can get violin-t

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I have a buddy who's rich, a bit of a big shot...

Always flaunting his wealth and expensive belongings. He actually owned two violins that were in the Guinness book of world records. To my surprise, he gave me one for my birthday. That night, we were jamming out and getting drunk. Things got a little out of hand, and he broke the most expensive violin in the world. -- As he sobbed at his loss, I just sat there playing the world's smallest vi


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What do you do if you want your cello to sound better?

You sell it and buy a violin.

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What do you do if you want your cello to sound better?

You sell it and buy a violin

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Whats the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

You don’t spill beer on a violin.

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Making love to a woman is like playing a violin

I don't know how to do it…

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What did the violin say to his big brother?

Cello.

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Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house?

Because it leads to domestic violins.

(From my 9 year old...)

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Whats the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

The number of teeth the player has.

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What do you call a guitar that wants to be a violin?

Transfender

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I actually got to live through a classic joke!

**This is 100 percent true. **

Yesterday I was using electric hedge trimmers on my front bushes. My right hand was holding the safety handle. My left was holding a knob on the front right by the blades. That game slipped and I reached out to stop it..... And grabbed the blades, still going.

There was blood everywhere. I was taken right away to the ER. My hand was cut p


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My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.

When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.

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My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will. When I took them to be valued I was told they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius

Sadly, they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.

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Too Soon: Verne Troyer, the actor who played Mini-Me, has passed

The world's smallest violin will be played at his memorial service.

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It used to take guts...

to make a violin

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Opernockity, the violin maker

There is a violin maker named Opernockity. He will build a beautiful violin for you, but will only tune it once. His motto is, "Opernockity only tunes once."

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Pawnshop wisdom

I asked a friend of mine to appraise my grandfather's violin, seeing that he runs a pawnbrokers shop. "Old fiddles aren't worth much nowadays," he told me.

"What makes it a fiddle, and not a violin?" I asked him.

"Simple," he explained, "If I'm buying it from you, it's a fiddle. If you're buying it from me, i


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When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying

But I later learnt it's my neighbour.

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When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying

It's must be too highly strung

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Little Johnny was practising the violin

Little Johnny was practising the violin in the living room, while his father was trying to read. The family dog was there too, and, on hearing the screeching sounds, began to howl. Johnny's father listened to the dog and the violin for as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his newspaper on the floor and yelled, "For God's sake Johnny, can't you play something the dog


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How is a woman like a violin?

[deleted]

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I asked a music teacher what is sooo hard about playing a violin...

she said it's kinda fiddely.

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Q: What's the difference between a cello and a violin?

A: A cello burns longer.

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