Verse

Jokes

This bible verse always keeps me going.

Lunch 11:30

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Me and a friend were in a bar...

As the night progressed, tensions were flared between us and another group of rather large gentlemen.

It got a bit heated and they eventually starting sizing us up and squaring up to us. They became extremely aggressive and wanted to fight.

My friend looked at me and said “pretend we’re the police!”

I got halfway through the first verse of


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Was in the pub with a mate last week...

... and these four huge bastard started mouthing off at us.

My mate said "pretend we're the police, that'll get them to leave us alone".

I only got halfway through the first verse of "Roxanne" before they kicked the shit out of us.

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I asked President Trump to quote a Bible verse.

"Jesus Wept. Sad!"

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What do you call it when Detective Pikachu drops a verse on a hip hop song?

A Reynolds Rap.

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Three sons having a discussion...

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.

"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."

"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her." said the s


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It was scripture class time...

And as per usual, the teacher formed a circle and asked everyone to take turns reciting some verses from the bible.

“To answer before listening — that is folly and shame.”

“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”


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So this kid likes this song and keeps singing the chorus excessively...

He only knows the chorus,nwhich goes “If my father was a king, my mother would be the queen, and I would be a prince.” And he sings this to himself constantly, on a loop.

One day, he’s riding in a cab and the taxi driver says, “Hey, buddy...don’t you know any more words to that song?”

And the kid says, “Well, no, I don’t.&rd


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What is the place from which they bought the black spider-man in the movie 'Spider man into the spider verse

The dark web

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What do you call Ms. Universe for bigger contestants?

Ms. Multi-verse

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Did you hear about the cheesemonger who developed narcolepsy and became a poet?

He went from gouda to bed to verse.

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Eminem's verse on Not Alike is so hard that

Mac Miller killed himself.

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Whats a priests favorite non-bible verse?

It’s not adultery if they’re not adults

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One sultry Sunday afternoon in Rome

On one sultry Sunday afternoon in Rome, there was a beautiful young nun walking back home after the service in the church. The priest who was driving back home in his wagon spots the poor nun walking home in the sweltering heat. Being the gentleman that he was and a servant of the Lord, he stops by the nun and offers to drop her home in his wagon. The nun coyly refuses the first time to not bother


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This particular bible verse got me through a bunch of tough times as a kid.

Lunch 11:35.

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In his later years Bruce Wayne retired and became a famous poet

Apparently, he went from bat to verse.

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How do you summarize a bawdy song?

Per verse.

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How do you measure a bawdy song?

Per verse.

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Today's Bible verse would be according to Psalm-

-BODY once told me

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In the book of Mark, Chapter 12, Verse 25 the jesus says, "In heaven there is no marriage." No men, no women, only angels...

Sooooooo, it's like Berkley?

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A poet writes in verse.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

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Not only is Pop music disgusting by the chorus,

but also per verse.

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How can you tell that y x is a narcissist?

It professed its love to itself in verse.

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A verse of unit puns

The Units Verse
by Kevin Ahern

Two thousand pounds of Chinese soup
Will make a restaurant run

In Beijing, China order it
In units of Won ton


Religious leaders measure clout
From Nome to Amsterdam

By how much clout they have with God
The units - billi-grams


Is the ratio of circumference


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An ISIS militant stops a car with a Christian couple in it

ISIS militant stops the car of Christian couple.

ISIS militant: Are you Muslim?

Christian: Yes I am.

ISIS militant: Recite a verse from the Qur'an.

Christian man recites a verse from Bible.

ISIS guys: Yallah-ho-snackbar, you can go.

Later, Christian guy's wife: I can't believe you took that risk. If he kn


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ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.

ISIS guy stopped the car of Christian couple.
ISIS guy: Are you moslem?
Christian: Yes I am.
ISIS guy: Recite a verse from Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from Bible.
ISIS guys: Yallah-ho-snackbar, you can go.

Later Christian guy's wife: I can't believe you took that risk. If he knew you recited a verse from Bible he would have


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Can you draw a pentagram with your left hand?

Jim: we're doing this ritual and we will need

A pentagram drawn with your own left hand

John: ok, no problem, though my own right hand

Is what I would normally use instead

Jim: So, you should write a verse about this time

John: I'll call it "I, ambi-pentagrammer"

(edited to try to vaguely be in iambi


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A soldier finds himself outside after night fall

A soldier finds himself outside his base of operations in a foreign country after night fall. He managed to find himself back at the main gate of entry but was unable to produce any physical evidence that he was in fact born and raised in the USA. The guard at the gate was not allowed to let anyone in who wasn't a citizen of the United States. The solider suggested that the guard ask him a fe


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How do you compliment a pickle rapper's verse?

That was dill!

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Every N.W.A song

Verse 1: Sellin' crack rocks and shootin' muthafuckas!

Verse 2: Police pull me over just 'cause I'm brown.

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What do you call a dark or melancholy verse of text?

Poe-etry

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Why is the shortest verse in the bible Jesus Wept?

Because Jesus Cries

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Yesterday an ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple

ISIS member: Are you Muslim?

Christian man: Yes, I'm Muslim.

ISIS member: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.

Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.

ISIS member: Ok yallah go.

Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.

Why did u tell him that we are Muslims?


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Isis and the Christian man

An ISIS member stopped the car of a Christian couple.
ISIS member: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes, I'm Muslim.

ISIS member: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.
Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.
ISIS member: Ok yallah go.

Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did u tel


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Chapter 7 verse 7

GUYs i saw a catholic sister last
night and decided
to
give her a lift in my car. As the car
was
moving, then i placed my hand on
the
sister's laps pretending i was
looking for
the gear lever.
The sister cast a glance at me and
said;
Mtcheew
"matthew
chapter 7 verse 7" and i quickly
removed my


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