Verbal

Jokes

A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, Are you and your husband sexually active? Yes, the woman said. We have verbal sex everyday. Verbal sex?I think you mean oral sex the doctor said. I mean verbal sex. the woman said.

“Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, ‘Fuck you!’ ”.

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"The average woman will receive verbal abuse six times a day," said my wife.

I said, "Honey, you're not the average woman. You're a million times what the average woman is."

"Aww, thanks babe," she replied.

I said, "It wasn't a compliment. Lose some fucking weight."

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Why are Scottish negotiator teams so good at verbal persuasion?

Because talking is cheaper than shooting.

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How would Nicolas Cage win a rap battle?

By using verbal judo

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A classmate was making repetitive screeching noises in class on October 31

I asked her what she was doing, and she said it was her verbal Halloween costume for the blind.

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What do you get when you mix Tourette's and Lyme disease?

Verbal ticks.

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A study in the Daily Telegraph says that women have better verbal skills than men

I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh!

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Shall I flush my joke down the loo?

Because it stinks.

(This feels like verbal diarrhoea).

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So, I got one of those new Smart Refrigerators and gave it some verbal commands

But it iced me.

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Two police officers are called out to a bar...

...where a couple of patrons have gotten into a fight.
When they get there they find an Acid and a Base trading blows. The officers split them up, give them a verbal warning, and send them on their way in opposite directions.

A couple of days later the same officers are called out to a restaurant where a couple of the clientele have perhaps had a bit too much to drink and st


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I once had a verbal altercation with an orthopedist.

[deleted]

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Scientist and a frog

A scientist is working in the lab with a frog. He has trained it to respond to simple verbal commands and wants to observe its ability to jump after it has lost one or more of its limbs. He starts by saying, "ok frog, jump." The frog quickly does a small hop. The scientist notes, "frog jumps easily."

The scientist then cuts off one of its legs and says "ok fr


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My girlfriend is reading a book about "love languages". Hers is verbal. Mine is oral.

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Verbal Battle

Little Johnny and Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world. "My Father is better than your Father!" Billy declared.

"No, he's not!" Johnny responded.

"My brother is better than you brother!" Billy said.

"He is not! He is not!" Yelled Little Johnny.


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Nixon was in bed with Indira

and they both were having some good time. things got verbal a bit when she was on the top.

He grabbed her boobies and said "hell yeah bitch! whole of India is in my hands now". She replied, "No Problem. I got US in my ... anyway"

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Verbal Irony


SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF IRONY

SAN FRANCISCO - The Daily Telegraph spoke to Jay Fullmer, 38, who became the first American to get to grips with the concept of irony yesterday.

'It was weird,' Fullmer said, 'I was in London and, like, talking to this guy and it was raining and shit and he said, like, "grea


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I just got out of a really abusive relationship.

So much hitting, awful verbal insults and crying all the time. I just couldn't take it anymore.

My girlfriend was such a fucking pussy about all of it.

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Imitation is...

While imitation may be the highest form of flattery, I prefer the verbal kind. I also accept cash.

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Estonian drinking games.



**First game**
5 Estonians drink 10 bottles of vodka. One of them hides in the closet. The others have do figure out who is in the closet.

**Second game**
3 Estonians drink 3 bottles of vodka and 9 beers. One of them hides in the closet and the others keep on drinking. At the end of the day, they must collectively figure out what happened during t


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After a brief verbal skirmish, one group of men took the other group to task physically, leaving all members of their opposition crippled and bloody. How is it that cooler heads prevailed?

The prevailing group were literally wearing coolers on their heads. The Styrofoam kind you fill with ice and beverages.

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