Urinal

Jokes

Why did the fly leave the urinal?

It was pissed off.

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What did one urinal say to the other urinal?

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Why do guys get pee all over floor at a urinal? Do they have such small penises that its hard to aim? I dont have that problem...

I just put it in the bowl and fill it from the bottom up.

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What did a womens toilet seat say to a mens toilet seat?

”Urinal lot of trouble, mister.”

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I've heard that as a guy peeing sitting down is more comfortable.

But I keep sliding off the urinal

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Written above a urinal.

The jokes not here it's in your hand.

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What's the worst thing a guy could hear when pissing in a urinal?

Silence.

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A coworker walked into the restroom and asked me why I always use the little urinal.

I replied "the urinal water is extremely cold."

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My friend was worried that he might have a bladder infection, and he asked me if I knew what the symptoms were.

I told him, "Not sure. All I know is urinal lot of pain when you pee."

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Two men stand next to each other at a urinal...

One looks to the other and says "Can you guess where I'm from?"
The other guy looks to him, giving him a once over and says: "Well I can clearly see European."

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Wendy

There's a guy who falls inlove with a girl named Wendy, he's so in love that he gets "Wendy" tattooed on his erect penis, but when its flaccid you can only see "Wy".

They get married and go to Jamaica for their honeymoon, check in to their hotel, and in the lobby urinal, the guy's pissing next to a Jamaican guy and he sees that the Jamaican guy also


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Whats the difference between a human and a urinal?

“I don’t know”

“Yeah, neither does R Kelly”

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Well okay

So I was in the bathroom at this one store, I hear the door open, I was in the toilet so I was Chillin. The man comes in and uses the urinal. I hear him start moaning aggressively like if you had to pee for three hours straight. Before he flushed the urinal you hear the loudest fart. I tried my hardest not to laugh and it seemed to me he let out a little too much force, then he flushed the urinal


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You and some other guy are waiting for a urinal. One finally opens up

What ensues is a battle royal

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A dude is pissing at a urinal, when a short shrimpy guy steps up to the urinal next to him...

The dude is about to laugh at how frail and weak the guy looks, but he happens to catch a glimpse of the dude's shlong, fat as a pepperoni and as long as a cucumber.

"Holy fucking hell!" the guy says. "Not to sound gay or anything, but that's the biggest cock I've ever seen in my life!"

The short dude grins. "The ladies love it. Bu


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A man standing at the urinal looks over and sees a Leprechaun

At the urinal next to his. The Leprechaun has a massively huge dick, the guy asks "Hey how did you get your dick so big?". The Leprechaun says, "I'm a Leprechaun, I can have whatever I want.". Pressing, the man says, "How could I make mine that large?". The Leprechaun replies, "If you let me put my magic dick up your ass you will wake up tomorrow with a huge


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Picking the middle urinal

...is a real dick move.

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I was in the bathroom and someone yelled "BOO"

Scared the crap out of me!
... Too bad I was at a urinal

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What do you call a urinal thats being used by more than one person?

“Ourinal”

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A guy see's his friend in the restroom...

The guy tells his friend at the urinal..."What's up?". The guy at the urinal says..."my dick...and I'm waiting to pee.

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A man is sitting in a bar alone...

...after a few beers he needs to visit the restroom.

The restroom is empty except for one man by the urinal (one of those big stainless steel urinals without stalls).

The man walks over to the urinal and starts unzipping his pants.

He glances over at the other man and notices that his head is constantly twitching.

The man feels a bit ashamed for


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What does a man want to see when he enters a public toilet?

A urinal.

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Before his inauguration, George W. Bush was invited to take a tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of water, he asked President Clinton if he could use the bathroom in the Oval Office. He was astonished to see that the president had a solid gold urinal installed. That night, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.

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“Just think,” he said, “when I’m president, I’ll have my own personal


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After buzzing about in a public toilet, how long will a fly generally stay sat on a urinal?

Until it gets pissed off.

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A guy on vacation in Ireland walks up to a urinal

He's going about his business when a little man dressed all in green walks up next to him and does the same.

He can't help but notice out of the corner of his eye that the little man has the biggest dick he's ever seen.

"Hey man, not to be weird, but are you a leprechaun?"

"Aye, that I be laddie."

"So if I


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Matching tattoos?

SO a guy was in the men's room on vacation. He glanced over at the man at the next urinal and said "Wow, we have the same tattoo on our penis! What are the odds we both have Wendy on our penises?"

The man laughed and said: "Nah man, when it is hard it says Welcome to Jamaica man have a nice day.


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I had a few too many drinks in a restaurant the other night, went to the bathroom and wound up accidentally peeing in the sink instead of the urinal..

At least I think I did. It was hard to concentrate with all those angry women yelling at me.

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I had a girlfriend called Wendy...

I loved her so much that i got her name tattooed down the shaft of my dick.

The problem was, that when it was soft, especially if it was cold, you could only read Wy.

One winters day I was pissing in a urinal and a big black man came and started pissing in the next urinal. I glanced across and saw that he had the letters Wy tattooed on his shaft too.

I asked


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A man loses his arm in a horrible car collision. The doctors ask if he would like an experimental voice controlled prosthetic arm.

The man agrees and goes through an extensive rehab. To celebrate he goes to a local bar to have a few drinks. He man walks to bar orders a beer and is served.

The man say " arm pick up beer, bring beer to mouth, pour a sip into mouth, place beer back onto bar."
(Motion as if drinking a beer awkwardly)

"Wow! Say the shocked bartender!

Af


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I just got chastised for farting at a urinal

Then again, it *did* come from my vagina

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I feel pretty bad about the mistrial I cause as a juror...

The judge snuck a glance while I was at the urinal and declared a hung jury.

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Doing the ol' yawn reach around the shoulder trick

other guy at the urinal: hey

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I got a tattoo for my girlfriend's birthday once...

Once, my girlfriend named Wendy turned 26, so I decided to get her name tattooed on my dingdong. After a few minutes and a world of pain, it was done and I was very happy with it, even though you could only see the letters W and Y in flaccid state. Later that day, I was happily using a urinal when suddenly a black man walked up to the urinal next to me and began to pee. I couldn't help but ta


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2 random guys at the urinal...

Guy 1: "Be careful there, buddy".
Guy 2: "Excuse me?".
Guy1: "Be careful, your future is in your hands".

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So I'm using the bathroom,

I'm at the urinal taking a leak just staring at the wall in front of me. Another guy walks and starts to piss. He is constantly looking downwards. I just had to ask him "Are you afraid you're going to lose it". And that's how the fight started.

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TIL. Dont say nice piece to a guy standing next to you at a urinal in texas.

You will get stuck in a gotdamn half hour conversation about how the sw 40 is a far superior round compared to the 9mm.

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What did Dr. Obvious say to the Frenchman at the urinal?

European.

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Why cant you hear a pterodactyl use the urinal?

Because the “P” is silent!

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96-year-old man goes to the mens room...

A 96-year-old man goes into the men’s room.

He looks at the stall, he looks at the urinal. He looks back at the stall, looks back at the urinal.

He walks over to the urinal, takes out his pecker, and promptly shits his pants.

He looks up and says, “I gambled. I lost.”

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A urinal, toilet and a towel were talking about who was the best in the bathroom.

The toilet said the urinal was the best because it saved time, and the towel wasn't better because it isn't always used. The towel said the toilet was the best because it helped disabled people, and the the urinal wasn't better because people are lazy and don't want to stand. Finally, the Urinal said, guys, lets be real, there is only one winner. Toilet, it's you because u


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What does Stalins son have in common with Freshmen at a urinal?

Neither of them can aim right

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What did the Irish guy say to the Italian guy using a urinal?

“European!”

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I decided to try the old yawn and put your arm around them trick

The guy at the urinal next to mine wasn't amused.

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Tom and Wendy go to Jamaica for their wedding

Tom and his lovely fiancée Wendy travel to Jamaica to have their wedding. Before leaving, Tom decided to surprise his new wife with a tattoo of her name on his penis. While erect, Tom's penis now read "WENDY" in stenciled letters, however flaccid all that was visible was "WY."

The night before the wedding, Tom is drinking heavily with his friends at th


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A jewish man goes into a public restroom

He goes to the urinal as another man enters and starts using the urinal next to him. The other man looks over at him and asks, "Are you a Jew?"

"Why yes, I am," he replied.

"Are you circumcised?" The second man asked. A bit put off, the first man answered warily.

"A strange question... but yes.. I am circumcised..."


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The first time I went to a casino as a young man, the man standing in the urinal next to me said "Damn this water is cold!"

I just stared at him thinking, "What the fuck is he talking about...?" I finished peeing, washed my hands, and went back to the blackjack table. About 10 minutes rolls by and suddenly I get the joke. "Oh cause he has a big dick or something. Lols."

Fast forward 8 years. 8 Years I've held on to this juicy fucking old man joke waiting for the perfect opportunit


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A white man walks into a public restroom

He starts peeing in the urinal when a 7 foot tall, absolutely ripped black man walks in and starts peeing in the urinal next to him. Getting a little curious, the white man looks over and notices the black man has a tattoo on his dick that says 'Wendy'. The white man asks, "Why do you have 'Wendy' tattooed on your dick? Is that your wife or something?" The black man l


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A small asian man is in a public bathroom at a urinal. (NSFW)

He's taking care of business when a very large black man rushes in and takes the urinal next to him. The black man whips out his 14" penis, starts to urinate, and exclaims, "Oh God, I just made it!". The Asian man says, "Can you make them in other colors?"

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Redneck logic..

A redneck is peeing in a urinal looks downs and sees a quarter and thinks about it... Reaches in his pocket and throws in another quarter. Then reaches in the urinal and pulls out both quarters. Another man is staring at him and the redneck says "not for a quarter but for fifty cents hell yeah".


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I was at the urinal the other day my buddy walks up and says...

So I hear this is where all the dicks hang out.

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