Unrelated

Jokes

I really like the new beef jerky with a white mystery flavored piece.

I can't quite place the flavor, though.

On an unrelated note, isn't it funny how eating a whole bag makes you tired and numb?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

John Williams, age 21, was mysteriously shot multiple times in the head and killed

On an unrelated note, I finally found that strong healthy heart my doctor needed for my heart replacement

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Everything unrelated to the subject at hand is irrelevant.

But everything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Wow, Trump actually decreased immigration rates at the border

Completely unrelated, my house is such a mess, no one wants to come over anymore.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I lost 40 pounds this year.

On an unrelated note, if you see a 6 year old boy with brown hair and brown eyes. Please contact me.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I called in an order of wonton soup, but I guess they misunderstood me.

On an unrelated note, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two unrelated Korean girls who lost their sisters at birth met one day at the bar

They found that they looked rather similar. Both simultaneously asked "Did you go to Dr. Lee for plastic surgery?"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I killed my girlfriend tonight...

Just kidding!

*On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know how to bury a body?*

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife and I decided to not have kids

Unrelated we're moving to Nebraska from our home in Alabama.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

In the middle of an unrelated conversation my friend mentioned he prunes his roses with a knife.

It was a non-secateur.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Someone complimented me that I have a heart of a LION

On an unrelated note... Do they have CCTV cameras in the zoo??

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My mother said I was fire retardant...

So I set myself on fire and discovered she lied to me!

On an unrelated note, apparently I misheard her. She actually said "fucking retarded."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An Alabama man marries an unrelated Alabama girl.

Dad asked his son:"So how good is she?"

Son replied: "She's still a virgin".

Dad:"You fucking idiot. If she didn't give it to hers then she won't give it to us"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call the animal over there thats unrelated to the conversation?

Irrelaphant.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I used my plunger on the toilet the other day. It didn't work.

On an unrelated note, my coffee has tasted like shit ever since.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Journalism's "Five W's" Revised

1) Who

2) What

3) Who Tweeted about it?

4) What did they tweet?

5) What other unrelated bs is happening?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

On an unrelated note...

the paternity test came back negative.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I almost cracked an incest joke that fits perfectly into our conversation

nevermind i just realized it's actually unrelated

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My daughter told me that she lost her virginity with her boyfriend, Chad.

On a completely unrelated note, where can I find some cheap shotgun shells?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

This just in: A recent study has discovered that dolphins and humans are the only two species to have sex for fun.

In unrelated news: All Oklahoma residents are now banned from SeaWorld.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I just got out of the army, where I was an M1A1 Abrams driver. My new career is completely unrelated.

It's a tankless job.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Saudi Arabia: Religious police arrest man for holding hand of unrelated woman.

According to local sources, they wanted to know where the rest of her body was.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A Mexican man is found unresponsive...

A Mexican man is found unresponsive on the roadway outside Tijuana.
Local authorities call for an ambulance and he is rushed to the nearest hospital.
Unfortunately, the doctors determine that he has consumed a lethal amount of drugs and there is nothing they can do to save him. He dies within a few minutes and the attending physician marks the cause of death as "1/2".
C


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

"McDonald's sales soar thanks to all day breakfast"

In unrelated news toilet paper stocks have risen and plumber businesses have been unable to keep up with demands for work.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

This week I finished paying off $150,000 worth of student loans.

On a completely unrelated note, I've started sucKING DICK!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Kids are great. They are the ultimate proof that you, at one point of your life, pleasured a woman.

On an unrelated note, would you like to see a picture of my 12 kids?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Half of reddit is shut down. In unrelated news, productivity rises nation-wide

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

(Meta) Spam bots commenting all posts here with unrelated gifs. I may be wrongly suspicious.

I'm not sure if it is a problem or not but I spotted this on all the most upvoted posts here. They all have a username like : <randomname><2 digits><letter>. And most of the time they only post a imgur link, it's always more or less unrelated. Although sometimes it's not obvious because it's a meme reaction gif that could be legitly pos


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Solar Eclipse

You know when your parents tell you to not sit in a chair, and all you want to do is sit in a chair.
This eclipse, apparently we shouldn't look at it because it could "burn our retinas".
In completely unrelated news, anyone know a good opticians?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

In a completely unrelated report to todays average penis size study...

the Asian population is growing faster and people in Africa die daily by the 1,000's

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So I met this girl online once, and we decided to meet up irl. She asked me if I was gay and showed me her wiener. It was pretty great.

Unrelated question, is it gay to receive a BJ from a dude?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The heart wants what it wants, y'know?

On an unrelated topic, I'm not allowed in Petco anymore.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE