Unlock

Jokes

I was setting up my voice recognition password for my new phone and a nearby dog barked and ran away...

Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone :(

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Can you help me unlock something for this sword holder? A friend asks

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The watchman

Passing an office building late one night, the blonde saw a sign that read, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well,"


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Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?

Because Ubisoft is in France?.


^(9,90$ to unlock and extra line.)

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So a guy buys a PlayStation and starts an EA game.

Pay just $9.99 to unlock the rest of this joke!

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Knock knock- whos there- Will- Will who?

Will you please unlock the door so I can get in?

For anybody unfortunate enough to read this, sorry for making you cringe.

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Knock knock Whos there? Will Will who?

Will you please unlock the door so I can get in?

For anybody unfortunate enough to read this, sorry for making you cringe.

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Why couldnt John unlock his computer?

He forgot the keys

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Two blondes are trying to unlock their car with a coat hanger.

One says, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top's down!"

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Life is like an EA game, in a way its.....

9.99 to unlock rest of joke
19.99 for good punch line bundle

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Life is like an EA game

Sure you can live, but you’re gonna have to pay to unlock it fully

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I know the true reason Bill gates got so rich....

He just got an Unlock-All at birth.

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I was watering the plants when my wife said "Can you come inside and unlock your phone after you're done watering the plants? There's something I need to see."

I have been watering the plants for the last four days.

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The lock

One night a guy and his new girlfriend are about to go into his apartment for the first time. Before he can open the door his girlfriend says, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

The guy says, "What do you mean?"

The girlfriend says, "First, if a guy just shoves his key in the lock and opens the door hard,


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Why couldn't the Finlander unlock his car with his phone?

he had Nokia

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How does a misogynist unlock a door?

Patriarchy

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I set up my thumbprint to unlock my phone

It doesn't work all the time though, I just can't put my finger on it.

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EA walks into a bar.

Unlock the punchline for $9.99.

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If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin , phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

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Why women are held to a higher standard when it comes to the number of partners

If you have a key that will unlock any lock you have a master key, but if you have a lock that’ll take any key you have a terrible lock

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How many locksmiths does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well, my hopes aren't high ... the last one I hired couldn't even unlock the door.

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You're locked in a car with only a hammer, how do you get out?

>!You unlock the car.!< >!Fuckin' idiot.!<

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Forgot Password?

Many years ago I was acting as the system administrator for a test system in a large publicly held company.


Periodically I would receive a call from someone who had not accessed the system recently, forgot their password and locked themselves out trying to logon. I would look up their password and unlock the system for them and they would go on their merry way.
<


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EA

Pay $4.99* to unlock this punchline.


*tax not included

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EA walls into a bar

Unlock the punchline for $9.99

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EA walks in a bar

*Unlock this punchline for $9.99*

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How do you unlock a door on Thanksgiving?

with tur-keys

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Open it!

My wife and her friend were out to lunch when the temperature drastically dropped. They stood by her friend’s truck, shivering, while the friend searched for a key to unlock the door. My wife asked, “Can’t we sit in the truck while you find your keys?”

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How do you unlock a birdcage?

Use a tur-key!

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You ever lock your keys in your car at a Planned Parenthood?

Kinda awkward asking them for a coat hanger to unlock your car

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How do you greet a wizard who is too stupid to unlock doors

Aloha moron

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How many EA employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

[Unlock the punchline now for just 7.99!]

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A newlywed couple is returning home after their wedding.

The husband can't get the key into the lock to unlock his door. The wife sneers and says, "Well, that's a nice start"

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Prison vs Work

Prison | Work
:--:|:--:
You spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. | You spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.
You get 3 meals a day. | You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
The guard locks and unlock doors for you. | You must carry a card and unlock all the doors by yourself.
You can play games and watch TV. | You get fired fo


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Two Blondes leave a bar and realize theyve locked their keys in the car.

After trying every door, attempting to call someone for help, and further debate, one blonde says to the other “I bet I can unlock the doors with a coat hanger! I’ll run inside and see if they have one!”

The other blonde says “Ok, well hurry because it looks like it’s going to rain and the top is down!”


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What do British people do with Ks?

They unlock doors with them

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Marriage gives the achievement unlock sex paywall

&amp;#x200B;

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A couple are trying to unlock their door at night...

The wife says “Hold the flashlight, I’ll try to open the lock.”

After several attempts she is unable to open the door. The husband says “Let me try”

He opens the door in his first go.

The wife says “That’s how you hold a flashlight”

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The easiest choice

On a game show, you are a contestant.
You have to choose between four bays which have four unique keys. Each key will unlock a cage containing a can filled with money.

You will choose to go to one bay, and one key which will unlock a can.

For simplicity purposes, all choices are labeled, A,B,C, and D, such as Can B, or Bay C etc...

There are 16 choices


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A blonde is feeling cold

Two blonde friends stepped out of lunch from the restaurant when find that the temperature had drastically dropped. As they stood by the truck shivering, the blonde tried to figure how to unlock the door. In the meantime her friend asked, “Can’t we sit in the truck while you figure how to use the key?”


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Gynecologist and wall painting job

Gynecologist had no job and was broke af, after a while and many failed job interviews he gave up on his dreams and found a job as a wall painter.
On the first day, he went to work with two more coworkers to paint some walls in a vacation home at the lake.
After a day of work the team returned and the boss asked the other two coworkers "How was the new guy?"
Coworker


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Unlocking the Door

One night this guy and his girlfriend were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door his girlfriend said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

So the guy says, "Well, give me some examples."

So the girlfriend proceeds to tell him, "Well the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the


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How many EA employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

[Unlock the punchline now for just 7.99!]

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How do you unlock a door made of dough

With a cookey

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Many years ago I was acting as the system administrator.

Periodically I would receive a call from someone who had not accessed the system recently, forgot their password and locked themselves out trying to logon. I would look up their password and unlock the system for them and they would go on their merry way.

One day I received a call from a young lady who was in just such a predicament. I looked up her password and informed her that it w


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The FBI unlock another iphone

I read in the news today that the FBI are unlocking iphones.
Does anyone know what they charge? I've got one locked to Vodafone, and I'd rather they did it, especially if they're cheaper than my dodgy corner shop.

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What dessert is can unlock things?

[deleted]

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Got asked to help unlock a PDF file today.....

I said stop wasting your time, we should be concentrating on locking them up.

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I was visiting my mother...

My mother was giving me directions to her new apartment over the phone.

Mother: "So it's the fourth building on the left side of the block. Push the buzzer with your elbow, and I'll buzz you in. The stairs are on your left, go up to the third floor, and my room is the second on the right. Ring the doorbell with your elbow, and I'll get up to unlock the door."<


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If you want to understand who loves you more, your wife or your dog, lock them both on the balcony

After three hours unlock them and see who's happier to see you

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