Unfortunate

Jokes

It's unfortunate that revenge doesn't exist in science, because watching calculus plotting revenge against linear algebra

It would be graphical

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My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together.

Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking.

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My Brother's Unfortunate Name

My hippie parents named my brother Zanus. I can never introduce or refer to him as "my brother, Zanus" in polite company.

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Knock knock- whos there- Will- Will who?

Will you please unlock the door so I can get in?

For anybody unfortunate enough to read this, sorry for making you cringe.

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Knock knock Whos there? Will Will who?

Will you please unlock the door so I can get in?

For anybody unfortunate enough to read this, sorry for making you cringe.

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After I was paralyzed in an unfortunate car accident, I knew my career dreams would never come true...

...Gone were my chances of becoming a stand-up comic.

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After a series of rumours about the deranged criminal Jacques Pun being back active in the scene, things took an unfortunate turn when he reportedly entered a museum and killed ten people.

The next day newspapers read: Pun in, ten dead.

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A man gives his friend q-tips to clean his ears. His friend comes back and the man asks him did they work. His friend says what?. Then the man sighed and said thats unfortunate.

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My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together.

Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking

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I was scrolling through Netflix..

and I saw this show called "A Series of Unfortunate Events." I've contacted my sister (who is a lawyer), so I can sue Netflix. You know why? They used my life story as a title. Of course I'm going to sue!

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That's unfortunate

Man: How much time do I have?

Doc: 10

Man: 10 what?

Doc: 9

Man: F

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That's unfortunate

Man: How much time do I have?
Doc: 10
Man: 10 what?
Doc : 9
Man: F

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Outside my school there is an unfortunate tree

It has been hit by a car, struck by lightning, and now infested with termites.

What a poor sap

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I smashed my wife's diamond necklace while I was "testing" it for authenticity.

The accident was Mohs unfortunate.

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It would be really unfortunate to have trees as breasts,

Wooden tit?

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Sad News.

A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine had been fired after one minor accident. He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the job that he loved.

It’s unfortunate, he is genuinely a nice guy and a brilliant vet.

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What do you call it when a hotel maid cleans up after a one-night stand?

Unfortunate circumstainces

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Unfortunate news coming from Nintendo...

This morning, at age 48, Masahiro Sakurai, director of Super Smash Bros Ultimate and the Kirby games, has peacefully passed by a McDonald's, and is probably gonna have some lunch.

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Pedometer is a very unfortunate sounding word with the wrong pronunciation.

Which explains why uncle Jerry was so scared of his Christmas present.

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There a known redditor with lots of karma.

That unfortunate sadly.

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What do you call an unlucky fish?

Unfortunate

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It'd be unfortunate if music was illegal

I'd be in prison for fingering a-minor

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Two Chicagoans die in an unfortunate car wreck.

Two Chicagoans die in an unfortunate car wreck.

Tragic, especially considering they didn’t exactly spend their days helping old ladies cross the street or volunteering at the Boys and Girls club. Nope, these fellows went straight to Hades.

The Devil, as is his custom, goes to greet his two newest eternal residents, and despite rivers of lava and torrents of brimston


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Whats the most unfortunate store name for a salon?

Pedi-File

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So today I got a call from the neighbour

Apparently my cat, Lord Buttons, was hit by a car while I was out and died instantly. He said he was going to bring him around in a box as soon as I finished work. I said thank you and then called my girlfriend and told her the bad news.


It's sad but my Lord Buttons always sits by the road so I sort of expected this is how he would eventually go. Anyway, I got home and my


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Being attacked by three armed men is really unfortunate

but at least they didn't have four arms

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In some rare instances and unfortunate events some vegans go on to become

Vegetables

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It's unfortunate that a lot of female professional athletes are gay.

They have amazing ball skills.

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What was Tinkerbell's unfortunate nickname after eating at Taco Bell?

Glitterfarts.

Bonus: What was her unfortunate nickname after eating at the roller-derby?

Disco-shits.

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Did you hear the unfortunate news about the famous Italian chef?

[deleted]

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Its unfortunate that Avicii died but

At least Mike Posner can pop pills in ibiza and not have to worry about impressing anyone.

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2 famous explorers set out to trek across Canada

They planned for months to make it the perfect trip, and they were fully sponsored by a new station from their home country.


The explorer from Poland set out, and he met the explorer from the Czech Republic at the airport in Vancouver, and they set off for Whistler, where they would start their journey. They headed out in the direction of Lake Louise, and their journey was a g


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I've been reading this book on Jewish history

It's called, "A Series of Unfortunate Events"

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A series of unfortunate events I know for a fact that the Quackmires aren't orphans.

Their dad lives in Quahog.

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An officer walks into a mental asylum...

and spoke to one of the patient. "I have unfortunate news for you, the man you saved from drowning last night hanged himself this morning." To which, the patient replied, "Oh I know! I hanged him up to dry him!."

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Jim Bowen died today. Didn't he pick an unfortunate day?

[deleted]

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Nick Offerman has to be careful about his kids name.

He could give them an unfortunate job like Jack Offerman.

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I went to a Chinese place for dinner.

They forgot my cookie. How unfortunate.

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I just open a fortune cookie that had no paper inside...

...it was unfortunate.

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In the dead of an extremely cold snowy winter night in a third world country, two starving drunks are desperately searching for something to eat.

One of them, unbeknownst to the other, finds a puddle of frozen vomit. He scrapes it up and takes it to his other friend and tells him it's frozen goulash, to which the friend is eternally grateful. However, after he has finished the last morsel, his helpful friend tells him that it wasn't goulash his friend ate, it was vomit scraped off the side walk. After hearing this horrific news, t


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A man walks into a bear

The bear says "unfortunate typo" and eats him

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Bobby Teem

It's Monday morning, and Bobby Teem has just begun his shift in a cabinet shop.

He takes a board over to the table saw, and just as he starts to make his cut there is a loud snapping sound.

Before he can move, the blade is projected from the saw and cuts into his face, right at eye level.

Rich Morrel, the shop foreman calls emergency services, and soo


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A man goes to the courthouse to change his name.

"What is your current name?" the clerk asks. "Adolph Trump."
"That *is* unfortunate," the clerk replies. "What do you want to change it to?"
"Adolph Jones."

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An unspoken, almost hidden reason for these unfortunate and seemingly ubiquitous protests these days

[deleted]

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Jared Fogler's story is unfortunate and disguting, but it is also the perfect counterpoint to what Subway does to the idea of a sandwich

[deleted]

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My girlfriends father is very religious and says we can't sleep together.

Which is really unfortunate because he is extremely good looking.

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A crowd started gathering around the car accident with the bagpiper...

Twas so unfortunate he was kilt.

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A man got a fortune cookie without a fortune....

... well that's unfortunate

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It's unfortunate that "I'M A 'MURRICAN" sounds a lot like "I'M A MERKIN"

And sometimes, vice versa.

Poor merkins.

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Apple is coming up with a new product called the iCup. They didn't realize the unfortunate implications of the name.

[deleted]

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