Uncomfortable

Jokes

One time I was having sex with my wife and my kid's shoe was in the bed under my back

You could say that I was fucking uncomfortable.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My boss is firing me because I'm grasping the subject.

He said that the patients are complaining about being extremely uncomfortable from being held onto.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Not my style, but I think I came up with a rather raunchy joke! What's the worst thing about preforming anilingus (ahem, eating ass) at a Hollywood orgy?

The uncomfortable suspicion that you might be biting Sarah Silverman's shit.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend just told me she has a schoolgirl fantasy.

But honestly, I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Someone has a card pin code of 7541

and now that person is feeling uncomfortable

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Yesterday my friend told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful to say and it completely ruined our bath.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Someone stole 40 of my couch...

Now it's really uncomfortable.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My dog just stares at you when you have food.

Let me just say, Thanksgiving is very uncomfortable.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I said that all pillows are uncomfortable and my friend slapped me.

He said that’s a very blanket statement to make.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

We've all seen the news, so hurry up and get your abortion jokes out now

It's going to get uncomfortable if the subject isn't terminated within about 6 weeks from now

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I am both dyslexic and gay.

I feel uncomfortable with both and am ashamed of either.

I am in Daniel.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I am both dyslexic and gay.

I feel uncomfortable with both and am ashamed of either.

I am in Daniel.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does your racist uncle have in common with the Ebola virus?

They both make Thanksgiving dinner uncomfortable for everyone.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Bob." Bob was stunned, "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"

St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken."

Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home.

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past, "So, you're the new hen, huh? H


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If a girl is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think:

A. She is a prude and you have no future together.

B. You two should spend more time together so she can get used to that level of openness.

C. She should have sat somewhere else on the train?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Question are Jews jokes are getting more here

Is that just an impression but my news feed gets more and more Jew jokes and it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to be honest you can make a joke about everything and everyone but when the majority is just that it gets a slight bad taste ....

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I feel sorry for Joe Biden. What man hasn't occasionally made a woman feel uncomfortable and embarrassed?

Like that time I accidentally farted in the elevator.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Listen, 911 jokes make me really uncomfortable because I lost someone I love.

He was flying the plane, but still...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

One of my friends told me that I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and completely ruined our bath.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Does anybody have that anxious compulsion to avoid uncomfortable silence in conversation yeah me neither

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My teacher tried to flirt with me in class today.

It made me really uncomfortable. She kept saying "You look sexy!" and "wanna have a little fun in bed?"

​

It's tough being homeschooled.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the dog say to the podiatrist after the diagnosis?

Nothing... there was an uncomfortable paws.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My pregnant wife couldn't sleep last night because she was so uncomfortable...

She is running out of womb.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I never liked pajamas days in highschool

Everyone always laughed at me when I showed up to class in just my underwear. It made me really uncomfortable.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why arent there many pictures of the Sphinx from the back?

People get uncomfortable taking pictures of its sphinxter

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

At a wedding reception, the grooms grandfather stood up to make his toast. Having been married for 60 years, he wanted to pass on his secret to the newlyweds. The grandfather addressed the happy couple, saying the tip to a happy and long lasting marriage is to beat your wife up every morning.

An uncomfortable silence followed. The grandfather continued, “yes, I beat my wife up every morning. I get up around 6:30 and she gets up around 8.”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It was a slow day at the office, when a man walked in, looked around for a second, and then headed to Kathy's desk.

He tapped her on the shoulder and said: "Hey Kathy, I'm that doctor you called for, do you have a second to talk about your STD?".

An uncomfortable silence spread through the office and Kathy's cheeks turned red. Having just realized what he said, the doctor continued. "You know, you short term disability."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Its important to break stereotypes. If youre walking in the street and you start getting an uncomfortable feeling from someone behind you...

Mug them.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Genders are like the Twin Towers

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a really uncomfortable topic.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I finally trimmed my 1year pubic hair...

And it feels realky itchy & uncomfortable.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Long I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life.

Sleeping in a bed which was only 30m.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why was Cotton Leary, fresh out of law school, uncomfortable about working at Pauly, Ester, amp Tweed, LLC?

Uncomfortable is just how cotton/felt/polyester/tweed would be.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.

It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My six year old son asked me,

"Dad, Where did I come from?"

I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation. So I said, "

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a new dress-maker who is uncomfortable with the idea of customers testing her merchandise?

A seamstress who seems stressed when you stress the seams.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I feel uncomfortable watching a band pack up their gear after a show.

It's disconcerting.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Student: I dont understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper?

Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a cocktail party t


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the banker feel uncomfortable around the beautiful woman?

Because he wasn't used to paying interest to someone else.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the best way to get out of an uncomfortable conversation?

Put your penis back in your pants.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to have to sit through?

The Nutcracker.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My mother always told me to never go to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink.

She's so right, it's really uncomfortable in there!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

It must be quite uncomfortable for the Obamas and Clintons...

...since as the FBI are always going through their mail. I'm glad we don't have all of our online information looked through by the FBI and NSA...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What makes masturbating to your teacher slightly uncomfortable?

You’re homeschooled.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Mike was undergoing his first prostate examination...

It was uncomfortable, but the doctor seemed like a professional. Still, Mike was nervous.

Doctor: It's normal to get an erection during a prostate exam

Mike: I don't have an erection

Doctor: I was talking about myself

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Ralph came home drunk one night

slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.


He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, ’You died in your sleep, Ralph. . ’


Ralph was stunned. ’I’m dead? No, I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!’


St. Peter said, ’I’m sorr


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I visited a nudist beach and I must say I felt very uncomfortable.

Those deck chairs were awful.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I just love the feeling you get when someone you dislike is wearing slightly uncomfortable shoes

Ah shoddenfreude

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A woman sent two ties to her son in law.

Some weeks later, she invited him and her daughter over for dinner and in an attempt to impress his mother-in-law, the son-in-law wore one of the ties she’d sent him.

The meal was extremely tense and uncomfortable with the mother-in-law maintaining a stony silence.

Finally she spoke, “Alright then, what was wrong with the other tie?”


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The joke I use to leave uncomfortable conversations

You: Knock knock

Who's there?

You: it's [State your first name]

[First name who?!]

You [insulted]: I can't believe you still don't recognize me after all these years.

[Storm out of the room]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think?






A. You need more time together.


B. She's a prude.


C. She should have sat elsewhere on the train.


UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE