Turn

Jokes

What does a crazy caterpillar create in order to turn into a butterfly? OC

A cuckoo-n!

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The smartest man in the world, the 2nd smartest man in the world and the dumbest man in the world end up in hell...

...the smart men grumble about how they are too intelligent to waste away in hell for eternity so the devil offers the three men a challenge.

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"If any of you can give me a challenge that I can't complete I will release you from hell."

​

The smartest man in the world says "See that mountain over


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Crappy pun

me: you know how sometimes caps lock locks you out of a website ,because you forgot to turn it off when typing the password
human society: yes


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Crappy pun

me: you know how sometimes caps lock locks you out of a website ,because you forgot to turn it off when typing the password
human society: yes
me: I guess caps lock is awfully shifty.
human society:

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Nice upside down

I thought about typing nice upside down so that people turn their phone upside down and down vote becomes up vote, to only realise that the up vote will be going to the comment below, which is actually above, so here I am.

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Harley

The quickest way to turn gasoline into noise without the side effect of horsepower

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This tinnitus is really bothering me

So much so, I have turn the music all the way up just to not here it any more.

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One day Mother Nature calls all her sons and daughters...

It was Earth's birthday and she decided to celebrate it by organizing the Greatest Olympic ever, during a month and featuring every sport known.

Every mineral, every plant, every animal partecipated, each of them excelling in a sport and not doing so well in another.

It all came down to the last sport featured, diving. The three teams were in a tie, so gold medal wa


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A kid asked his mom can you suck the light?

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Why did the Invisible Man turn down the job offer?

The job description wasn't clear.

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What's the one thing that Paul Walker didn't take?

The turn.

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Guys, we should really stop making fun of VSCO girls...

If we don't, they'll all turn into sksksks school shooters.

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I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off.

She said: "Try walking around the house naked."

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My teacher told me to turn in my essay,

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I got in trouble at school today. The teacher told me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

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What is the speed of sex?

68 because at 69 you have to turn around.

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Bunny was waiting in the forrest in a line with the rest of the animals,

for his turn to take the food that was given away to all the forrest animals ( comunism forrest).

All animals were waiting patiently in a queue, when out of nowhere Big Bear comes ( a bear), he is like "Whats up loosers" and goes to the front of the queue. It's almost everytime like this and nobody ever says anything, everyone is scared. Bunny finaly decides to do som


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Turn where?

This really happened to me.

I was a driver in the Army and in one of the journey, an officer is sitting beside me looking at some notes.

When approaching a T junction, I asked "Turn left?"

Officer : "Right."

I then proceed to turn left.

After he sense I have made a left turn, he said "I thought I told you to


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A police officer is outside of a bar watching for drunk drivers.

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What do you get when you turn down a cheap shot of whiskey from Conor McGregor?

A cheap shot anyway

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Growing up I was never afraid of the dark

I'd turn off the lights at night and strut in confidence knowing with this face, I was the only monster in the dark.

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They say comedy is tragedy plus time.

I guess that means when I turn 40, I should be pretty goddamn funny.

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To the people who want gun control

Please try to turn down your sensitivity first

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Did you know my dad is an incredible magician?

He can turn a case of Jack Daniels into a case of domestic abuse

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A fourth-generation prostitute goes home to her great-grandmother's house for a family dinner...

She begins complaining to her family about work. "Geeze! Men these days complain about paying $50 for a blowjob! It's hard work! I *earn* that money!"

Mom, who was a hooker in the 1980s laughs. "Fifty bucks!? You're complaining about that? When I was on the streets, we were lucky to get $20!"

Grandma giggles. "You two are both spoiled br


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How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two....one to turn the bulb and the other to hold the penis...LADDER!!!...I said ladder..

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The wife and I went to a swingers night.

However, when we got there the only other people to turn up were my mum's sister and her husband.

Turned out to be a bit of an aunty climax.

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Another bar joke

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a gin and tonic.


The bartender reaches under the counter and pulls out an apple and hands it to him.


The guy takes the apple and asks, "What's this, I asked for a gin and tonic".


The bartender replies, "take a bite, you won't be disappointed".



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I thought about going to a gay bar even though I'm straight.

But I just couldn't make the turn to swing that way.

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My friend said he has a pump on his backyard he needs to vacuum out before he can turn his fresh water back on.

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My wife is a magician.

She can turn anything into an argument.

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Most people have weird things that turn them on

But as a doctor I get my kicks from knee cap reflexes.

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My mother wondered why I was massaging the oven.

I was just trying to turn it on.

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When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

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I was a financial advisor in the army...

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Alabama doesn't have reverse cowgirl...

We don't turn our back on family.

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How do you turn the Japanese flag into a French flag?

Remove the dot.

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So I was at a LEGO store and I saw a LEGO space ship

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A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...

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Why is it easy for a black person. To escape prison?

All they have to do is turn off the lights!

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How many twists does it take to screw in a Sid Meier's light bulb?

Just one more turn.

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What is the shortest increment of time?

The time it takes for the guy behind you to sound his horn after the lights turn green

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How do you turn a Dog into a Blacksmith?

Shove a red hot poker up it's arse and it'll make a bolt for the door.

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How do you turn a pistol into a shotgun?

Just shoot it

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I always turn my room temperature just below 70 degrees before I go to sleep. Why?

Because it doesn't get hotter than 69 in my bed.

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My dyslexic girlfriend wants to turn christian

I said it was a bad idea

But she's keen on becoming a child of dog

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Cleanliness

Why did the doctor's hands turn into devils?
He was using hand satanizer

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When a young Arnold Schwarzenegger was in Music Appreciation class...

each student was asked to give a presentation as their favorite composer. Being a huge fan of Mozart, Arnold was very excited to turn in his request. But much to his dismay, the teacher told him "Unfortunately, someone else already chosen to be Mozart."

To which Arnold replied, "No worries...I'll be Bach!"


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Studies show that in Alabama, reverse cowgirl is their least favorite sex position

I guess that's because your not supposed to turn your back on family.

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Why should you turn off autoplay before showing your kid a YouTube video?

You never know what Elsa's coming on next.

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