Trouble

Jokes

I got in trouble at work for stealing a mixing implement

But that was a whisk I was willing to take.

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An old man has trouble getting it up with his wife...

He has tried pills, oils, anything he can get his hands on, but nothing works. He tells his buddy about this, and his buddy says "I know a witch doctor who has a remedy for this. Go see her, she will help you out.


The old man goes to the witch doctor and explains his problems. "I know just the thing," she says, and hands him a potion. "Drink this. When you a


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Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two

but didn’t have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.


Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.


Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!"


Murphy r


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Mr. Trump, Hurricane Florence is causing trouble...

Trump responds: Offer her the same deal as Stormy Daniels

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Why do the special needs kids never get in trouble for being late to class?

They're expected to be a little tardy...

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Did you hear about the inmate who got in trouble for calling his girlfriend from jail?

He was using a cell phone.

​

Thanks, I'm here all week. Tip your waitress.

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Thanks doc

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The trouble with the average family is

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A deaf couple was having trouble communicating in the bedroom once the lights were out.

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I got in trouble for making obscene remarks about a co-worker's butt

But looking at harrassment the world to me

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I got in trouble at school today. The teacher told me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

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I got in trouble of my mom today.

I was tickling my brother's foot this morning and she got mad, saying something about "At least wait until he is born"

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Whenever Im in trouble, I think, 'what would Jesus do?'

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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A man as soon as he gets to his home

He says to his wife:

-Honey, we've got a problem...

Before he continues his wife says:

-Sweety, we've got to work together in any trouble we encounter in life, if you have a problem WE got a problem. Ok now that I made myself clear what were you saying?.

-Our secretary is pregnant.

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My urologist had bad news for me

He said "urine so much trouble"

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A lot of guys have trouble attracting women, but I have sex daily.

So I have trouble reading and writing.

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I'm having trouble introducing this mendicant who's trying to sell roses, can you come help me out?

Only you can present florist friars.

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The trouble with comedy

I thought seriously about doing stand up comedy, and thought no way, what if they laugh at me?

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My cat is sick, and I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get him help.

No matter how many gynecologists I call, none of them will treat my pussy.

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I got the words jacuzzi and yakuza confused

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Whenever Im in trouble, I think, 'what would Jesus do?'

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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Whenever Im in trouble, I think, 'what would Jesus do?'

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

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A hostage finds a minute to call 911 and says I know you told me not to call here anymore cuz if I hate cops so much next time Im in trouble I should call a gangster

but thats what Im doing right now

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This cake is homemade.

No really. I grew my own wheat, I made my own flour, I milked my own cow, I raised my own chickens, and I even went though the trouble of putting all the ingredients together.

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Jeffrey Epstein got in trouble for having sex with multiple underage girls on an island in the Caribbean.

He should have just went to Saudi Arabia.

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Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, &q


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The Bureau of Meteorology have issued a severe weather warning.

They have told the weather to not do it again or there will be trouble.

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My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult

He had trouble finnishing his sentences

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A cat goes to the opthalmologist because he's having trouble seeing things.

The doctor checks his eyes.
Cat - "What is it doctor?"
Doctor - "I'm sorry to tell you that you have Cat-aracts"

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What did the molecule say to the atom after he got in trouble?

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Epstein and R. Kelly seemed to underestimate the trouble they'd be in, but I heard they thought it was only...

a minor infraction.

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A Chinese man goes to the eye doctor...

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When I saw the guy with the potion....

I knew trouble was brewing

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I got in trouble for dropping skittles in a Zumba class.

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I did well in grammar,

but I always have trouble knowing where prepositions go at.

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I've started dating a 6'9 woman recently...

We're having trouble seeing eye to eye on a lot of things however.

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Chester and Betty Cheese are having some trouble with their sex life

Chester and Betty Cheese are having some trouble with their sex life. Betty always has a headache when
Chester wants to make love. So Chester sends her to Doctor Feelgood, the psychiatrist, for treatment.
"It is simple to cure," says the shrink. "Whenever you feel a headache coming on, just sit on the edge of
your bed, and repeat over and over, `I have not got a he


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We got in trouble at school for starting up a silent disco

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I was having trouble getting the seat belt to work.

The it clicked.

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A guy walks Into a bar and says....

Give me a drink, before the trouble let starts.
So the bartender get home a drink.
He drive is and says "another drink, before the trouble starts.
Guy pounds that and says "one more, before the trouble starts..."

Bartender asks "when's this trouble gonna start?

Guy says "the trouble let starts when you realize that I dont ha


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Inspired by a story of my dad and his sister

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Ive always had trouble remembering names. Ill be like hey bud or how you doin man...

....or “how’s my darling wife?”

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Twice the number of Irish could spell trouble for most cities

Unless it's Dublin

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Can someone make a joke about Djibouti for my informative speech for school

Not too sexual or i might get in trouble..

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I had to quit my job at the Human Centipede laboratory.

I was having trouble making ends meet.

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What did a womens toilet seat say to a mens toilet seat?

”Urinal lot of trouble, mister.”

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When you have a bladder infection,

urine trouble.

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I am a poor immigrant and i left my land for the americas searching for a better life. But im having trouble with the language here

Because it’s the year 1620 and nobody here speaks english.

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What did the FBI agent say to R Kelly upon his arrest?

Urine trouble now!

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Why do people in Athens have trouble getting up in the morning?

Because Dawn is tough on grease!

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