Trim

Jokes

Just had Little Richard round to trim the garden

He lopped all the rhubarb, he lopped bamboo

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I'm sure my allotment is conspiring against me. Each time that I trim it it grows back twice as harsh..

The plot thickens.

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A man is concerned about his weight

He goes to the doctor and expresses his concern but after she has him step on the scales the doctor advises him that he is a healthy weight.
The man still appears troubled and asks her if there is a significant weight difference between men and women. The doctor replies that there is but for a man he doesn't need to worry.
In a flash the man wips off all his clothes and with


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I wonder if Jared from Subway is still staying trim in prison...

I mean he’s still probably getting a foot-long everyday

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One day a blonde went to the hairdresser...

The blonde ordered a trim but insisted that she absolutely could not take off the headphones she was wearing. The hairdresser declined and kicked her out of his barber shop.The blonde kept repeating the same request at different hairdresser’s until one finally agreed. As she was getting her trim the blonde fell asleep , the barber took this as an opportunity to take off her headphones , so h


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Did you know the bible says its illegal to trim your beard?

Which is surprising seeing as priests seem to be so fond of grooming.

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I had to trim my nails this morning because they were getting out of hand.

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Your dad works as a barber during the week and a DJ at the weekends...

Goes by the name 'Fatboy Trim'.

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A landscaper's son is getting to the age where he starts to get sexually active...

... so the landscaper decides it's time to have the "birds and the bees" talk with his son.

They both sit down at the table and start talking, the son is asking the typical questions and what not.

Once the talk is just about done the son says "Dad, I have one more question. I have a pretty small penis compared to my peers and am wondering if I can do a


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I know a Brazilian joke.

It's kinda long, I'll trim it down.

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The 41st US president hired a barber for his family

His job was to trim the bushes

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Jesus goes to a barbershop. Would you like us to trim your beard? they ask

Jesus says No, I wouldn't want to make your floor a tripping hazard.

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A man told his wife he was planned to trim his pubes to make his penis look larger...

"Will it look bigger to my vagina?" she asked.

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Where does a book go to get a trim?

Paper Clips.

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A priest goes to the barbershop and asks how much a trim would cost.

The barber answers, "oh, you're a holy man, I can't charge anything." He gives the priest a trim, the priest thanks him, and leaves. The next day, the barber finds some gold coins on his doorstep.

After a few weeks, an imam comes to the shop. He asks the barber how much it would cost for a beard trim and waxing. The barber answers, "you're a holy man, I s


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What did the giant robot ask for at the easily confused barbers?

A specific trim

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Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label read


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Why do Lakers fans trim their nails with scissors?

Because they hate Clippers.

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I decided to trim my pubes in the ever popular landing strip style.

I look like a sundial at noon when I lay down now.

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An Irishman was walking home when he saw a sign offering employment, he quickly ran home to tell his two brothers, as they were all looking for jobs.

'Quick lads, I've found a place that'll take us all on' he told them.

They made their way back to the place where he'd seen the sign and walked in to the reception. The receptionist called the manag


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At the barbers

So a guy is at barbers getting shaved and barber hands him a small wooden ball.

"Here put this into your mouth so you cheek skin will be nice and trim to shave."

"What if I swallow it?"

"Don't worry, it would not be first time this has happened with this ball"

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A man like me is hard to find.

I trim maze hedges.

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My boyfriend offered to do analingus if I'd trim a "landing strip..."

I told him he should be more worried about Skid Row.

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BBC News: Dogs Trained to Detect Prostate Cancer.

I just hope they trim their claws before they stick their paw up my arse.

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One time when I was riding the school bus the bus drive hit a couple of tree branches

She said "bus drivers trim trees as a side job"

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My mom's mailbox and her giant bush

If you don't trim your bush, how's the mailman's supposed to put stuff in your slot? So you asked your neighbor to help you trim your bush. You can barely find your box in that big bush. It's so thick, who knows what's living in there? One night, someone came around the corner too fast and hit this bush and her mailbox. The guy came so fast, that he shredded her bush and d


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So this girl goes with her dad to the barber...

and while he is getting a trim she is sitting on the floor eating a twinkie. The barber looks at her and says, "Sweetie, you're going to get hair all over your twinkie!"

The girl looks up and says, "I know! And I'm going to get boobs too!"

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