What did the schizophrenic anthropologist say to the left-handed Mozambiquean vegi-pygmy he caught eating his Vicks VapoRub?
Nothing! It's a trick question! The pygmy was right handed! BWA HAHHAHAAA!
Three Old Prostitutes
Three old prostitutes were sitting around the nursing home, chatting about the old days. The subject of their first trick comes up:
First prostitute: My first trick was a police officer, and he was the best lover I ever had.
Second prostitute: My first trick was a fireman, and he was the best lover I ever had.
Third prostitute: You two are lucky. My firs
What do farts and Houdini have in common?
Both are great escape artists, but once the trick is done everybody leaves.
Heath ledgers joker: Do you want to see a magic trick?
John Wick: I know that one
A friend of mine asked me how he should react if his girlfriend tells him that she's HIV positive
I said, "The trick is to always act surprised."
YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!
Oldest trick in the book. (This is a joke.)
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!
A Spanish magician was doing a trick.
He said, "On the count of three, I will disappear."
Then he waved his wand and said, "Uno, dose," but was gone without a trace.
How many MRAs does it take to change a light bulb.
trick question, MRAs dont change shit.
A mexican magician does a magic trick. He said "Uno, Dos" and then disappeared without a trace.
A mexican magician was doing a magic trick.
He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a trace
Magician: and now for my final trick! I will disappear!
Then he grabs a pear and says: you're the worst fruit ever!
What do you call it when a guy named Jerry sleeps with three senior citizens in a nursing home in one night?
A Jerry Hat Trick
A mexican magician was doing a magic trick. He said, Uno, Dose, and he disappeared without a tres.
I tried the yawn-around-the-shoulder trick
Apparently people at urinals don’t like that.
Muslim can win any arguement with this one simple trick
White people hate him.
Two british men in a motorcycle club were talking...
One says to the other:
Man 1: Would you like to see me do a trick on this sand dune
Man 2: Yeah, sounds good
As Man 1 gets on his motorcycle, Man 2 notices that Man 1 wasn’t wearing the appropriate gear. So Man 2 says to him:
Man 2: Hey, shouldn’t you be wearing something protective.
Man 1: Don’t you worry about me, I’ve be
Sorry I called animal control about your children...
...but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick.
How to get drunk people to pay for your meal
My parents took my girlfriend and I on a cruise. One night we were having dinner in the fancy steak house. There’s a magician that does little tricks for the tables, which is usually fairly simple but also impressive especially if you’ve been drinking.
The restaurant wasn’t very full; our side had us, one young couple and a table of four 45-60 year olds all very dr
A boy watches a guy to cool trick in his bike
“That was wheely cool” says the boy
How to get into any bankstore etc without getting arrested with this one simple trick
Walk through the front door during business hours.
What do you call 90 year old named Jeremy that's scored 3 goals?
I can do a magic trick by eating these 2 pieces of string.
I shit you knot.
It's Halloween and a little boy dressed as a pirate goes up to the door and yells "Trick or treat!"
The man opens the door, and upon seeing the little boy says "Hey matey! Where's your buccaneers?"
The little boy says "Under my bunkin' hat!"
A Spanish magician is performing in front of a crowd
“For my next trick I am going to disappear right in front of your eyes!” As the crowd awes in anticipation the magician begins his count down. “Uno!” “Dos!” And *poof* he disappeared without a tres.
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery
Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost,” says the relieved teen. “What are you doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man.
A guy visits a carnival and amongst the merry-go-rounds, vendors and performers he spots a man with a tiny pony.
He walks up to the man and asks: "What's with the pony?"
"For a dollar the pony can do pretty much any trick you ask of it" the man replies.
"That's cool" the guy says and proceeds to take out his wallet, retrieve a dollar bill and puts it in the jar next to the pony.
He extends his hand and says "Shake!"
What's the differnce between Donald Trump and an iPad?
Trick question, you shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
A kid is Trick or Treating on Halloween
He goes up to a door and knocks. A man opens the door and asks "What are you supposed to be?" The kid says "I'm a birate." The man asks "Do you mean pirate?" The kid says "No, I mean birate." The man asks "Well, what's that on your shoulder?" The kid says "It's my barrot." The man asks "Don't you mean parrot?"
Have you heard about this guy in Washington DC
Gyms hate his one trick to burn fat.
What sound does it make when a trick loaf of water hits a truck load of vinegar?
People who check if wash your hands after you go to the toilet are so dumb
I only fell for the trick once then after that I just pissed on my hands.
My Dad learnt this new magic trick
He showed me that he can turn a 6 pack of beer into domestic violence
Did you know you can cook a delicious meal without needing to add any oil to the pan to start?
The trick is to start every meal by cooking 2 slices of bacon in the pan first.
Why did the skeleton not go trick-or-treating?
He had no BODY to go with.
So a man walks into a bar..
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"
The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man fin
What did the sex worker say to the magician?
"And now for my next trick..."
People will sometimes try to trick you into up voting by saying the updoot color changed or something like that.
I however would never try to do that, everyone knows it's purple.
2 men walked into a convenience store.
Man 1: I am a very good thief! I stole 3 chocolate psrs and hid them inside my hat!
Man 2: I am way better that you. Watch and learn.
Man 2 walks to the cashier and offered to shoe him a magic trick.
He takes out 3 chocolate bars from the store and ate them in front of the cashier.
The cashier looked annoyed and said "Where's the magic trick? You're go
Whats an Anti-Vaxx childs best skate trick?
This simple trick will save you thousands at IKEA. (Click here)
If you can't pronounce it, don't buy it.
My father is a magician
He can disappear really good. I actually haven't seen him in 8 years since he did this trick in the parking lot of Wal-Mart.
My brother told me a trick on how to get a six pack in an hour.
You have to go to the liquor store
Are YOU looking to get $300, to $500 per WEEK just by sitting at home? Well just do this simple trick!
Don’t get fooled by MLMs, and report all of them. Making that much is impossible. Unless you get a job that pay *REALLY* well.
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with.
My dad showed me a magic trick. He did very well.
He really did disappear.
How many redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Trick question, we all know no one uses the light theme.
What do feminists change with a light bulb?
Trick question feminists can't change anything
How many European Parliament representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question. Brain cells are needed to change a lightbulb.