Train

Jokes

So there was a man who drove trains for a living

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Did you know?

The reason it took so long to remake the lion king is because of how hard it is to train so many animals

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A woman and man share a bunk bed on a train.

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A woman has to share a bunk bed with a man on train

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Johnny was playing with his train set while mother was in the kitchen doing dishes...

Chigga chigga chigga chigga hoot hoot. "The train has reached the station, all you mother fuckers getting on, get on and all you bastards getting off, get off.

Johnnys mom rushes out and yells at Johnny for his bad language and gives him a 5 min timeout.

6 minutes later she hears

Chigga chigga chigga chigga hoot hoot. "The train has reached the


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A brunette picks up her blonde friend from the train station

She notices the side of her blonde friend is bleeding.

The brunette asks, "What happened to your head?"

The blonde responds, "Like there was nail sticking to the side of the train where I was sitting, everytime there was a bump or change, my head would hit against the nail to a point where like I can't even".

The brunette suggested, &


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There was a man who drove trains for a living.

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There was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The


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A businessman enters a train in Manchester. The strange man had 3 watches in one hand , and 2 others in the other one.

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Two engineering students appear for Viva voce

Two engineering students are waiting to give their oral viva test. The first student's turn comes,

External Examiner:- Suppose you are travelling by a train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?

Student 1:- I will open the window.

External Examiner:- Great, now suppose that the area of the window is1.5 sq.m and the volume of the compartment is 12


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Two engineering students are waiting to give their oral viva test.

The first student's turn comes, and he goes inside.

External: Suppose you are travelling by train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?

Student: I will open the window.

External : Great, now suppose that the area of the window is1.5 sq.m and the volume of the compartment is 12 m3, the train is travelling at 80 km/hr in a Westerly direction and the


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Train Conductor

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A Very Bad Train Driver and a Magical Banana

Once there was a train driver who was, shockingly, driving a train. He wasn't the best train driver and crashed into another train, which in turn killed one person. In his country, murder was punishable by death, so he was sent off to an electric chair to be killed. For his last meal, he requested a banana. He ate the banana, sat in the chair and waited...

*Bzzzzz!*


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A large group of Jews got onto a train

They never got off

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Did you hear about the guy who sneezed on the platform and fell in front of a train?

"Snot funny"...

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A Boy was screwing a girl on a Railway track.

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I don't get why everyone in 'The Boys' is amazed at how fast that black superhero is

He's a train after all.

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Arcelona Arcelona....!

One French and American was on a train to Barcelona from Paris.

When the train reached Barcelona. Excited American started to yell BARCELONA! BARCELONA!

French guy become annoyed and said to American.. Be Silent!!

ARCELONA ARCELONA!!!!

American continue to yell!!

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Two students are waiting to give their oral test.

The first student's turn comes, and she goes inside

Examiner- Suppose you are traveling by train, and suddenly it gets hot, what will you do?

Student- I will open the window.

External- Great, now suppose that the area of the window is 10 sq.ft, the volume of the car is 1000 cubic ft, the train is traveling at 60 miles/hr in the westerly direction and the


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Whats the difference in a teacher and a train

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An old lady, a young model, an American man and Canadian man are sitting on a train

The 4 of them are sitting in polite quietness when the train enters a tunnel and for some reason the internal lights don't come on.
Sitting there in silence suddenly there is a loud **SLAP**
The train exits the tunnel and everyone can see the American has a huge red welt on his face.

The old lady see's this and thinks "That poor young girl, the Americ


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Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?

Because he had a loco-motive.

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A Marine boarded a train on his way home from deployment...

The train was quite crowded, and the Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat. There seemed to be one next to a well-dressed middle-aged French woman, but when he got there he saw it was taken by the woman's poodle. The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman sniffed and said to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude


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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.




He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the


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My youngest son put my oldest sons toy train in his mouth

I guess that makes it a chew-chew train

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Two people are on a train

The first says, "We should slow down", and the other says, "I'll tell the train driver that", and walks to the front.

The other returns awhile later and sits down.

A few minutes later, the first says, "We should go faster now."

The other says, "Okay, I'll tell the train driver that", and leaves again.


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Ugly baby

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Many of my family members were sent to Auschwitz by train

They all said the ride home at the end of the day way was pretty quiet

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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living. (Long but worth the read)

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution


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What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?

A chew-chew train

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Cross rail train line is officially being called the Elizabeth line in honour of the queen

And the shared fact it’ll take 90 years to build and cost the taxpayer billions

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We kicked the drummer out if the band because his timing was awful.

He was so upset he went to the station and threw himself behind a train.

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There once was a man who drove a train for a living...

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.

He was found guilty, and was s


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India

A young train driver was on his first professional train journey. He had topped his batch and was well versed with all his training so he was confident.

On his first run, there was an accident and the train was derailed. It was gushing through the fields when the passengers quickly pulled the emergency chain to stop the train.

The angry passengers went to the driver'


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The light at the end of the tunnel

......Is a train

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I tried to train several baby cows to drink coffee.

But only one calf in eight did.

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Before the invention of the train...

people had to run a wagon on your Mom.

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A man wanted to train a horse.

He was a very religious man so he decided that he would train the horse so that it would speed up when he said “praise the lord” and come to a complete stop when he said “hallelujah.” After a few months, he was able to train the horse to do this.

One day, he was riding the horse and it got spooked by a jack rabbit. The horse started sprinting in its fright. Th


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A tram driver was updating her Tinder profile when she crashed the train.

She was looking for a relationship but now shes just looking for good D to get *railed* by.

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A Mexican Train Conductor Committed a Murder

We don’t know his loco motive

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I was really embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my sons train set. So I quickly threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution


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A man and a woman are standing in a train

The man says: why dont we sit down on this train?

The women responds: because we are standing on this train

The man responds: I understand that, but why don’t we just sit down?

The women responds: I’m sorry I cant sit because then if I did I wouldnt have to do it that if when I sat down I could do it

The man responds: isnt that a lit


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John an Jim are in college and exam time has come

John gets in the classroom with the professor and starts speaking to him and answering his questions.

Professor then asks him: "This is the most important question, you cannot pass if you don't answer it. You are in a train and it is extremely hot inside. What will you do?"

John answers: "I will open the window."

Professor says: &quo


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So there were 3 Mathematicians and 3 Engineers...

... and they were all traveling to the same conference. At the train station, the mathematicians each bought a train ticket, and the engineers only bought one to share between the three of them.

"What a bunch of idiots," the mathematicians said. "When the ticket master comes through, they'll be kicked off the train!"

Sure enough, on board the trai


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So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution


read more
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There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living...


There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say,


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Why don't bitches just do what their men want?

Some dogs take longer to train.

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A group of train drivers go on strike.

This is authorised industrial action from there union, as the company were making cutbacks to the safety equipment. However a lot of them have nothing to do, so decide that there should a be a party somewhere. This issue is no one can decide where.

Eventually, the union rep stands up and says he'll host because there was too much bickering among the other drivers. So that night,


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