Torah

Jokes

What do you call a jewish archaeologist?

Torah the explorer.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I am the worst Jew on Earth. I don't have money, I don't celebrate hannuake, I never read the Torah or visited Israel.

Hell, even the Nazi couldn't bother to exterminate me.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Four Jewish brothers left home for college...

Four Jewish brothers left home for college to become a lawyer, a doctor, a hedge fund operator, and a retailer. They all prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Channukah dinner, they discussed the gifts
that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."

The second said, "I had a hundred tho


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Orthodox Jews...

Neturei Karta (Jewish Babylonian Aramaic: נָטוֹרֵי קַרְתָּא nāṭōrē qarṯā, literally "Guardians of the City") is a religious group of Haredi Jews, formally created in Jerusalem, British Mandate of Palestine, in 1938, splitting off from Agudas Yisrael. Neturei Karta opposes secular Zionism and calls for a dismantling of the State of Israel, in the belief that Jews a


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A rabbi eats his breakfast and, feeling unsatisfied, he grabs his Torah and knocks on the door of the White House

He wanted to make orange juice

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Which board game instruction manual is the Torah?

Jumanji

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I study different religions. Through dedicated research, I found one similarity that the Bible, Quran, Torah, and even the Book of Mormon all share.

They are all equally flammable.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

You know what the Torah, Quran, and Bible all have in common?

They're all super flammable.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Whats the difference between an orange and the Torah?

One makes acidic juice and one makes Hasidic Jews.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Whats the difference between an orange and the Torah?

One can make acidic juice and the other can make Hasidic Jews

(Just made this up today)

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Mr. Schwitzheimer goes to meet his new son in law to be, Sol.

He says to Sol (who is very religious), "So nu, tell me Sol my boy what do you do?



"I study the Torah," he replies.



"But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and house her?"



"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a Jewish adventurer?

Torah the explora.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do Jews not support arranged marriages?

Because the Torah doesn't allow "force kin".

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the Jewish Japanese lady like best about her high heels?

They made her Torah.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why was the Chinese Jew happy with her new high heels?

They made her Torah...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Four Jewish brothers

Four Jewish brothers left home for college: one became a lawyer, one a doctor, one a hedge find operator, and one a retailer. They all prospered. 
Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama." 
The second said, "I had a h


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Two Rabbis are walking down the street and they walk past a Catholic church advertising a $50 payout for anyone who converts that day...

The one Rabbi looks at the other and says, "I think I am going to go in there, convert, and get the 50 dollars." The other Rabbi looks at him in disbelief and says, "You must be joking! Your grandfather was a studious Rabbi in Russia, your father emigrated to this country and also became a Rabbi, and you have spent your whole life studying the Torah to also become a Rabbi, how could


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How is the Torah like Kidz Bop?

It's for yids, by yids!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you say 'The Torah' in German?

Kindling.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE