Tongue

Jokes

My favourite word is "drool"...

It just rolls of the tongue.

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Strippers don't like birthdays

Because every time they hear "blow the candles", they get their tongue rather burnt

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Me and my girlfriend got into a fight tonight...

It escalated to Tongue Fu

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If i told you i came across a magic genie who was on some monkey- paw shit and wished that you'd shut up, so this dick genie magically makes your tongue fall out..

what would you say?

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The Chinese are the most racist people I've ever met.

Even their mother tongue is Mandarin.

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How can you tell a house that was built by lesbian contracts?

It was all tongue and groove, not a stud in sight

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Did you hear about the hipster that burnt their tongue?

They ate pizza before it was cool.

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Baby snake asks his mom

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Baby snakes asks his mom

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Autofellatio

No matter how much I struggle I always find it on the tip of my tongue, The word is pretty hard to remember as well.

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Tell me a tongue twister...

Guy: Dick

Girl: But dick is not a tongue tw--- wait a minute

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The world tongue twister champion died in a tragic motorway accident yesterday.

He was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry..........

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Mom, are we venomous snakes?

yes honey, we are. why?
I’ve just bite my tongue.

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It's true when Trump insists he "Doesn't have a Racist Bone in his body"

It's just his heart, brain and tongue

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What do the mafia and the pussy have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit.

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I started taking cooking lessons.

The teacher asked, "does anybody know any French cooking techniques."

"Sure," I said and tried to flip an egg only using my tongue.

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How many nails are there in a lesbian's coffin?

None, it's all tongue-and-groove.

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Did you know, if you bite your own tongue knowingly, it doesn't hurt?

Did you know that you just bit your tongue?

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Eating pussy is like working for the Mafia.

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

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The Hardest Tongue Twister!

Chore - camel - day - deed (Say it as fast as you can)

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I like eating ass

he said, tongue in cheek.

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If you are wearing formal wear, try this: Roll up the big tongue and small tongue of your necktie and let them go at the same time, guess which tongue would roll out completely first?

It's a tie.

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A lady goes into a butcher shop

A lady goes into a butcher show and orders a 9 inch tongue.

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The butcher says "I get off at 6."

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The lady says "I don't get off at all. That's why I'm buying a a 9 inch tongue."

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Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he drank his coffee before it was cool

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\[Courtesy of my sister\]

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What is a chameleon's worst enemy?

A tongue twister

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Waiter: Sir, would you like a little quiche before your entree arrives?

Me: Sure, but no tongue this time.

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Little Tom : Uncle Charlie, what's a clitoris?

Uncle Charlie : You should've asked me last night. I had the answer on the tip of my tongue.

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I tried to tell a joke after burning my tongue

It was tasteless.

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Did you hear,about tje house built by 2 lesbians

All tongue and groove, no studs.

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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

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I was gonna make a joke about eating ass

But I was worried it would come off tongue-in-cheek

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So I met this girl at a club last night..

Pale, slim, but thick in all the right places, some of which were already starting to spill out the front of her dangerously short dress. We were all over each other and one thing led to another -- before long we were back at my place.

 

I could hear her moan, feel her soaked behind those barely-there panties -- I knew the time was right. So as I kissed


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How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

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What do you call a woman who licks her elbows?

Nothing. It’s impossible for your tongue to touch your elbow. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

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Last words of a highly poisonous snake?

Drat, I bit myself on the tongue!

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What does the Mafia and a Pussy have in common?

A slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

Saw this one on the OA on Netflix lol

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You know what a 9V battery and a girls butthole have in common?

Sooner or later you’re gonna touch your tongue to it.

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What do the mafia and a pussy have in common

One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit

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What do eating pussy and the mafia have in common?

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

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My lesbian neighbors built their house themselves

Using only tongue and groove lumber. No studs.

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Dog named n!gger

My dog (Banjo) loves to give kisses (face licks)
One time she was licking a friend of a friends face and I said very seriously “ sometimes if you stick out your tongue when she’s giving you kisses, your tongue will touch her tongue.”
The look on her face was priceless, and It doesn’t get old with new people


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A man was given a ticket for driving his bike without a helmet on...

The man says, "I am so sorry, officer. It won't happen again."

The next day, he passes through the same street, wearing his helmet with pride... but the same police offer once again asked him to pull over.

Frustrated, the man says, "What's the big deal, officer?! Can't you see I already have my helmet on?!"

The police office


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A daughter asked...

A daughter asked her mother “Mom, how do you spell scrotum?”

Her mom replied “Honey you should’ve asked me last night, it was on the tip of my tongue.”

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How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He ate potatos before they were cool

Why was he eating potato's?

Because they were underground

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Vaginas are like snowflakes

While they all appear to look the same, each of them has a subtle difference – making them all uniquely beautiful

Also, it’s fun to catch them on your tongue.

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During my checkup, the doctor put a tongue depressor in my mouth.

My tongue has been really bummed out ever since.

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What did the crocodile say when it bit its tongue?

Ggrrrr

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I was doing an adult sex crossword and I said to my wife,

"Female gland to be stimulated for pleasure, can't think of that one."

"I know," she replied, "I'll bet it's not even on the tip of your tongue."

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What did will smith say when he burnt his tongue?

Yahhh, that's hot!

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A girl asked her mom how to spell scrotum

She replied, “Sweetheart, you should have asked me last night, it was on the tip of my tongue.”

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