Toilet

Jokes

New bathroom

I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays ABBA songs when you flush it.

What a loo.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I went to a Abba themed bar last night

The toilet was like a maze

What a loo couldn't escape if I wanted to

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

At an ABBA festival, a fan went to the toilet amp got stuck inside. When asked if she was okay she replied...

Portaloo, couldn't escape if I wanted to

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I just bought an ABBA toilet.

What a loo!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you called an igloo without a toilet?

An ig.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the Australian toilet say?

Bidet mate!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man put his erect penis through the glory hole in my toilet cubicle.

[deleted]

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How is a warm toilet seat just like a blond?

It feels really good, but you know somebody was just there before you.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Me and my friend were stoned, he went to the toilet and I asked him what he done. He responded....

"Weed."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Who enlightened the toilet?

The Poodah

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Was bored shopping with my girlfriend

Went into the changing room and after 5 minutes yelled that there is no toilet paper in here.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the shit stain leave the toilet bowl?

It got pissed off.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Ive never nuked a hurricane before...

...but I have nuked a toilet at a BP gas station.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So sad

Toilet is blue
Orange is pink
Every time that I trie explain my mom that Minecraft is my life
"Don't talk me this shit".

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did the blind janitor say after cleaning a toilet?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Cashier: need your receipt?

Me: no thankyou, I don't need toilet paper.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why was the bathroom play set considered dangerous?

Because the toilet things on fire.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The Netherlands has the highest number of toilet plungers per capita

Because their toilets are always getting clogged

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

You know I was called I perv once,

that was probably the weirdest conversation I've ever had in toilet cubical.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An elderly couple is walking along when a pigeon flies over and drops one right on the old ladys head.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the fly leave the toilet seat?

Because he he got pissed off!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I bought a toilet brush yesterday

But I gotta say I still prefer toilet paper.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you say to a toilet on its birthday?

Happy bday!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Be careful with NASAs toilet paper...

It will leave rings on your anus.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?

Squid marks.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Statistics show that every 8seconds a mobile is dropped in the toilet

Source:

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

An Elderly Couple . . .

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I thought I'd find my inner self with meditation

When all I needed was 1 ply toilet paper.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So this guy goes to the doctor...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If a company's most valuable resource is it's people....

.... how come the employees aren't locked up,
but the toilet paper is secured in a reinforced steel lock box, bolted to the stall?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

They both boldly go where no man has gone before, searching around Uranus for Klingons.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I tried to become a mime.

I was really passionate about the idea of becoming a mime, so I decided to live life with out speaking or props. I drove my mimed car, ate my mimed food, and raised my mimed kids but everything when to shit when I wiped with my mimed toilet paper.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I just saw the Pope sitting on the toilet.

Holy shit!

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

There was two pubes on a toilet seat

One got pissed off

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's common between an indian asking "should i shit in the toilet" and a european saying "should i go and shoot up the school" (uptoot and give me gold too)

nun of them have the equipment lol

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My three year old daughter asked me, Where does poo come from?

I was a little uncomfortable but decided to give her an honest explanation. So I said, "You just ate breakfast, yes?"

"Yes." she replied.

"Well, the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

She looked a l


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Ive started a business selling toilet paper and its going really well.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I think my bathroom might be traumatized....

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What does Rambo do in a public toilet?

He goes into stall one.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My cat is a weirdo

Not because she keeps me company in the bathroom

But because she like to watch the toilet mess flush and clean water rise again

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do the starship enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for clingons.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a Spanish toilet

A latrino

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What do you call a communist concentration camp toilet?

Ourshitz

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My girlfriend clogged the toilet and I had to unclog it

She was wrong, anal is definitely possible.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My 5 year old son kept peeing on the toilet seat because he wouldn't hold his penis

I told him he had to start holding it and his response was "I can't hold it because it's too big"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

So, a bully stuck my head in the toilet today.

Hard as hell too. Couldn't see shit for a week.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do policemen especially enjoy pissing on the shit stains in a toilet?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What did captain Kirk leave in the toilet?

A captain's log.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE