Sweeping

Jokes

How many days does it take a lazy labourer to sweep a 850,000SF warehouse floor?

3 days...

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Day 1: The labourer learns how to use the floor sweeper in the morning, breaks it by lunch and spends the afternoon trying to fix it.

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Day 2: Manager gets a new floor sweeper, shows labourer how to use it and some sweeping occurs.

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Day 3: The labourer says fuck t


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An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have taken part in many activities to pass the time. Through subtle influence, I have bought mon


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All maids love their brooms

Well, that's a bit of a sweeping generalisation.

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A huge stretch limousine pulls in front of the Waldorf Astoria hotel in New York City. A wealthy woman steps out...

and asks the doorman to get 14 bellhops to help her.

They line up and she directs each one to grab some of the luggage and move it into her suite. As a last piece of luggage disappears, one lone bellman is left looking at her.

With a sweeping gesture she points to the back seat. "Go into to the car and pick up my son and carry him inside."

The ma


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How did Robbie win his unlawful termination lawsuit?

He was fired for sweeping on the job.

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You know that satisfaction you feel after sweeping when you have a big pile of dirt and know it was worth it?

I love when that same feeling when you wash your hands after taking a dump

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It's not right to assume that a janitor can clean your chimney.

You shouldn't make sweeping generalizations.

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One broom said to the other...

'New brooms are always better than old ones.'

'Wow, that's a sweeping statement.' the other broom replied.

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Why should you vote a janitor into public office?

If you want them to make sweeping changes.

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A man was at the checkout to buy a broom for his house.

He goes up to the cashier and asks if the broom he has is the best one they have. The cashier responds "im not sure i mean a broom is a broom". The man replies "whoa lets not make amy sweeping generalizations here"

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When I watched the news

It said the recent wave of broom murders have been sweeping the nation

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Scientists today combined a car with two domestic sweeping devices.

It goes broom broom.

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A new social media site is sweeping over college campuses.

Mysafespace.

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Have you heard about the newest broom prototype?

It’s sweeping the nation!

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Have you heard the joke about the broom?

It is sweeping across the nation.

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Have you guys heard there is a new type of broom out

Sweeping the nation

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I had a job interview today, so I started with some sweeping, after which I displayed my twirling, then a little peek-a-boo, and I finished with a most vigorous flapping

I don't think they were impressed with my cape abilities.

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Why did the Warriors become Janitors?

They're good at sweeping

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I just quit my job sweeping up in a glitter factory

It was pretty rubbish.

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Why is womens curling better than mens curling?

Women are better at sweeping.

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Olympic curling seems like the kind of game...

Mr. Miyagi would have invented to trick Daniel into sweeping his floors.

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It's pretty easy to fall in love with an Olympic Curler

They're used to sweeping people off their feet

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Did you hear about that new broom model?

It's sweeping the nation.

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What is the latest locker trend sweeping American schools?

Bullet holes.

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The Russian Olympic curling team has announced big adjustments to their Rio 2016 strategy.

They've made sweeping changes.

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What's the newest fitness craze sweeping American police forces?

Lead injections.

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Did you hear about the worlds largest broom?

It's really sweeping the nation

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I practised my sweeping and tapping for a Mary Poppins audition...

I didn't get the part. They said I used too much distortion.

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Educational a capella groups are sweeping the nation.

Some are calling it an academic aca-demic.

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Why did man invent curling?

To convince women sweeping was a sport.

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Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

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Why don't woman rarely get swept off their feet?

Because sweeping is a woman's job. (granted maybe lesbians are getting swept off their feet)

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A homeless man staggers into a bar

Plot twist... it was soap. He landed a lucrative job shortly thereafter and started sweeping his problems under the rug like the rest of us.

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Did you here about that new broom?

For the past week or so, it's been sweeping the nation.

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I was dating a maid for a whie but had to bweak it off

She was ahways sweeping awound

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I dated a maid for a while but had to break it off

She was always sweeping around

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A new type of broom has just been released,

It is sweeping the nation.

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What are jokes about janitors called?

Sweeping generalizations.

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A young girl in a short skirt...

... is sitting on a bench outside the open door of a barber shop eating a snack.

The barber, sweeping up between customers, remarks, "Little girl, you're getting hair on your twinkie."

She says, "I know. My boobs are growing too!"

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How did you know that the janitors were dating?

They were caught sweeping together.

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Did you hear about the new broom that came out last week?

It is currently sweeping the nation.

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A new type of broom came out recently.

It's sweeping the nation.

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New Irish sport

A new sport is sweeping Ireland.
Apparently everyone gathers round and watches a scruffily dressed man lazing about.
It's called "Tramp-o-leaning".

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Did you hear about that new broom?

It's sweeping the nation!

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ActivityBuddy

A new app is sweeping the AppStore, using GPS technology similar to Grindr/ Tinder, ActivityBuddy matches up people who enjoy the same activity. The #1 activity? Anonymous gay sex.

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Have you guys heard about that new broom that's sweeping the nation?

I heard it literally leaves its competitors in the dust!

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