Suspended

Jokes

So my high school which is Columbine had a fancy dress party yesterday and I was suspended when I turned up to it.

Apparently dressing up like Neo from The Matrix was really offensive and inappropriate.

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Little Johnny Joke

Boy: *Laughs during class*
Teacher: What are you laughing at?
Boy: I just saw a strip of your bra!
Teacher: Get out of my class! You're suspended for a week.
*Another boy laughs*

Teacher: And why are *you* laughing??
2nd Boy: I just saw both strips of your bra!
Teacher: Get out! You're suspended for a month.
*Teacher b


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Today I stole the heart of a cute girl

But then I got suspended as a heart surgeon

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What happened when Dracula uploaded illegal content to YouTube?

A count suspended.

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I got beaten up by a piece of gold.

The teachers suspended it for bullion.

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Young boy gets suspended from school.

His mother was furious, and yelled " "What did you do this time?!" The boy said all I did was tell a joke. He said he told the joke to his friends in class, and they laughed so hard they pooped their pants. Then the teacher asked me what I said to them, and so I told him the joke, and he laughed so hard he pooped his pants too. Then he sent me to the principal's office and whe


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Did you hear about the play about the water cycle where they hired too many people to play water droplets suspended in the sky?

It was overcast

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I had a punchbag suspended from the ceiling by a line, but the line snapped...

...I thought that's a terrible punchline.

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My wife and I toss a coin to settle our arguments. If the coin comes down, she wins.

if it stays suspended in air forever, I win.

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Little Johnny strikes again

Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy #1 : I saw a strap of your bra.
Teacher: GET OUT. Suspended for one week.
Boy #2 laughs.
Teacher: why did you laugh??
Boy #2: I saw both straps.
Teacher: GET OUT. Suspended for 1 month.
She bends down to pick up a chalk and Little Johnny gets up and starts to walk out of the room.
Teacher: Johnny, where do you think yo


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Why were you suspended?

”I got banned from the library for getting caught putting all of the bibles into the fiction section”

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Boiron (homeopathy manufacturer) just suspended stock market quotation...

...I suppose they must be happy. The more diluted their stock value the better, right?

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I was feeling really depressed at school and thought I should try hanging myself in the corridor.

I ended up suspended.

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One day Donald Trump was speaking in parliament

He said "Today my Elephant gave an egg,"๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Evryon1 said "wtf that is Biologically impossible how can elephant give egg?!"๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿค”

Then after this Donald Trump said "This is my style I "named my Chicken 'Elephant'๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚โœŠ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜Ž

Then after this Donal trump was suspended from Parliament ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ


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Why the Pianist didn't cross the road?

He kept his progressions suspended.

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Group of middle school students visit the Vatican

The teacher guides them through the hallways and tells them about the paintings.

Teacher: "This famous painting made Michelangelo represents the God creating Adam. Can someone tell us what they see here?"

Susan decides to speak:

"Nice muscles", she says

Teacher is furious for the blasphemy
"Young lady, I'll ha


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Hearing

An elderly man suspended his wife was losing her hearing. So from 20 feet behind her he asked, "can you hear me sweetheart?" No reply. He move 10' and asked again. No reply. He did again from 5' and not a word. He got up behind her ear and asked, "can you hear me now honey?" His wife said, "For the fourth damn time, YES."


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I got suspended for racism...

I said:

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"Black and White people are different like black and white."

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Got suspended for cussing out my teacher

Not a bad consequence considering I'm homeschooled

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Got suspended for cussing out my teacher

Not a bad consequence considering I'm homeschooled

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All flight have been suspended for a second time this evening,

come one now, this is starting to drone on and on .

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When I was in high school, I followed Jesus' example

I got suspended.

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I almost got suspended for plagiarizing my report.

Thankfully, I told them it was just an homage.

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What do you call someone with suspenders in a uniform school?

Suspended

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In Soviet Union, there was an experiment to test whether an army sergeant was smarter than a monkey.

So the scientists set up two rooms: the first room had a banana suspended from the ceiling and the second room had a bottle of vodka suspended from the ceiling.
They let the monkey into its room. The monkey sees the banana and tries jumping up to grab it. It’s too high. The monkey tries harder. It gets closer to grabbing the banana, but it’s still out of reach. The monkey looks a


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A kid hears a word on a playground...

And doesn't know what it means. He goes up to his teacher and says "Miss, I heard this word but I'm not sure what it means."

"Well, what was the word?" She asks.

"Raspberry."

The teacher is shocked that the student would say such a thing. "That kind of language is not acceptable. Go to the principal's office r


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Saddam Hussein was found Guilty in a Court of Law

but he was given a suspended sentence

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Whats a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Madam,
We are writing this letter to inform you that your account has been suspended for illegal downloading of copyrighted material

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Young lad comes home from school and tells his mum he's been suspended for saying the C word in class. His mom says "that wasn't clever, was it"...

The young lad says "nah it was cunt"

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What happened to the chord who violated school rules?

It was suspended!

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What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Sir/Madam,

We are writing this letter to inform you that your account has been suspended for illegal downloading of copyrighted material

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Did you hear about criminal who asked the judge for a suspended sentence?

He was hanged.

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Why didn't Jesus play the FC Nazareth vs Bethlehem United ?

He was suspended.

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A lot of people believe Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen in the basement of CalArts.

# I personally love this conspiracy theory because it's a wonderful example of suspended animation.

Credit to the greatest animation professor of all time, Mr. Theo Artz of Drexel University.

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My wife got into a car crash

The Cops suspended her licence, and slapped her with a fine. She tried to argue that the guy was drinking and speaking on the phone. The Cops didn't care, they said he has a full right to do what he wants on his own front porch.

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Today, the school called to let me know that my son had been suspended

They told me to bring a ladder to help get him down. Either that or wait for the waistband to break.

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Storing prisoners in suspended animation by volume!?

No! You have to weigh the frozen cons.

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This is a joke from the 1920's

Why were the trousers not allowed to enter the school?

They were suspended.

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Suspended from school, was watching porn while solving for cossin

I got cot.

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Suspended frim school, wss watching porn while solving for cossin

[deleted]

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When I was in high school my principal suspended me

[deleted]

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John, you've been suspended! Hand over your badge and gun

[deleted]

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A murderer begged the judge for a suspended sentence

[deleted]

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Suspended

Boy: Dad, I got suspended from school today.

Dad: WHAT?!?! WHY?!

Boy: A kid said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

Dad: So?

Boy: So I threw a dictionary at him.

Dad: That's my boy.

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A construction worker seeks something at the construction site

His manager asks: "Hey Joe, what are you looking for so badly?"
- I search for a box with the dimensions 40x50x60cm...
- Ok, guys!...Help this poor fella searching, i guess he won't work until he does not find that stupid box...

Work suspended, the whole team starting to search for a box with that dimensions...After like 20 mins, Joe says: "You know wh


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Why was Selena Gomez suspended in elementary school?

Because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

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A 7 year old was suspended from school today after an allegedly severe biting attack on his paraplegic classmate..

[deleted]

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What did the cryogenically frozen moviegoer say when a power surge caused the Pixar film they were watching to stop rolling at its most climactic moment, thereby somehow also causing their storage tank to begin losing stasis?

"The suspended animation is killing me!"

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Santorum suspended his campaign for presidential hopes today

[deleted]

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Santorum suspended his campaign for his presidential hopes

[deleted]

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