Supervisor

Jokes

I had sex with this girl in the woods once. It was really kinky.

Until the paint balling supervisor came over and removed us.

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3D Movie

*When I was at work, one of my supervisors said this joke about one of my other supervisors. Decided I might as well put it here. For a bit of context, the supervisor that was the butt of the joke has heterochromia (two different eye colours).*

When \[Supervisor\] goes into a 3D movie, he doesn't have to wear the glasses. He already has two different colours for his eyes.


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I'm sure if I would be a good supervisor.

But I guess I can manage.

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Literasee test

The year is 1965.

A black voter makes his way past the mob of white supremacists, past the sheriff's deputy, into the polling station fifty miles away from his home to vote between the hours of 22:55 and 23:00.

As he approaches the election official, the official stops him.

"Wait! Ya have ta pay the poll tax before ya vote! That'll be $5!"


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A Frog Walks into A Bank

Patricia (Patty) Mac worked as a loan officer for a bank. One day a frog walks into her office.

“How may I help you” Patricia asked.

The frog replied, “I would like to take out a $20,000 loan”.

“You, a frog, wants a loan”?

“Yes, please”.

Patty runs his credit report. “You do


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"Permission to continue eating this dead animal on the side of the road," said the young vulture to his supervisor.

"Carrion."

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Another your mama joke

So this morning I was switching off with the day shift supervisor (I’m the overnight supervisor for the mobile division of a security company) and he asked another of our coworkers “when did your car window get broken?” Before I knew the words had come out of my mouth I said “the same time as your mom’s hymen” . There was a dead silence for about 5 seconds and t


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The Fking Tree (NSFW)

A man moves to a new town and looks for work. A couple of days pass by and he manages to find a job as a lumberjack. Only problem is, it's is a live-in position. Since the forest is located on the outskirts of the city, the man would be required to move out to the log cabin there and stay on premises for weeks on end. Seeing as he had no choice, he decided to take the job offer.


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Bill is called in for a review at his new job

His supervisor asks Bill to take a seat and they begin discussing his first month at the company. The supervisor says he's seen Bill make a lot of dumb mistakes, but more than anything else, Bill is uncommonly early to his shift by at least 2 hours every day.

Bill confesses that he does this because he overheard some of his coworkers complain about his punctuality a few weeks ago


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Supervisor: How did you manage to burn down the house, I just told you drill a few holes in the wall!

Worker: I'm sorry... But it was a fire drill

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Me and Leroy

A old southern,slow-talking' truck driver answers an ad in the paper for an OTR position. He goes into meet with the supervisor. The supervisor knows they need drivers bad, so he cuts off the entire interview and says:

Supervisor: "Look, if you can pass your certification test, the job is yours."

Driver: "Well, if I pass the test, what time do you want


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A scruffy old man walks into a bank

Goes up to the window and says "I want to see the fucking manager". The assistant is taken aback by his rudeness and says "I'm sorry but the manager is too busy to see anybody".

"Bollocks." The man replies with. "I want to talk to your fucking supervisor." The assistant goes and gets his supervisor and tells her the man is being abusive. Sh


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NSFW A factory supervisor called 3 workers into his office

Supervisor: Tim, as our only bench press operator, you've produced some good pots, you're giving us a great job!

Tim: Thank you sir.

Supervisor: John, as our only machinist, our pot's rims are failing quality tests, you're giving us a pretty bad job.

John: I'm sorry sir.

Supervisor: And Bob! As our only blowtorch operator


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A guy walks on to a lumberjack site and starts complaining about one of the workers.

"This guy cleaned out my bank accounts, charged stuff on my credit cards and is making my life miserable!"

"We are aware of his criminal behavior," says the supervisor, "but we can't fire him."

"Why not?"

"He's one of our keyloggers."

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Real world problems!

A man at work was in a meeting and at the end of the meeting the maintance supervisor asked if anyone had anything for him. The man spoke up and said “yes! I was wondering if it’s possible to have all the water in the toilets changed from cold to hot water?”
The maintance supervisor puzzled by the questions reply’s “I guess we could but we would need to instal


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I ran into some senior leaders of the Republican Party earlier this week and demanded to talk to their supervisor.

As it turns out, plane tickets to Russia are pretty pricey.

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A Montana congressmans office receives a plain brown package marked only with St. Vincents animal hospital

A brand-new intern has been assigned to the mailroom, so he carefully inspects the package. It’s plainly wrapped and postmarked properly, but other than the veterinary hospital name there’s no other identifiers. Curious (and a bit nervous) the internal carefully unwraps the package and pulls out an exquisite figurine of a beautiful woman - made entirely out of cattle dung.


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The President is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout 'Mickey Mouse'?” Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout...... “Donald , duck!”


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A young man walked into a bank

And he said to the teller "I want to open a fuckin' checkin' account."

The young lady gasped. "I beg your pardon, but we don't tolerate that language in this bank."

"Get your fuckin' supervisor!" the man said.

In a few moments, the supervisor came up. "What's the problem?"

"I j


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An elderly woman wants half a head of lettuce... (2 part joke)

An elderly woman wants half a head of lettuce at a grocery store, so she tells the young man at the checkout, "I would like to buy half a head of lettuce." The young man says, "I'm sorry we only sell whole heads of lettuce." The old woman says, "Well you see I'm old, and I don't eat very much, and so when I buy a whole head of lettuce, the other half usual


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The trainee morgue worker

A supervisor at the morgue came in to work one morning to find his trainee was in tears. He asked "what is the matter?" the trainee replied "The girl who was brought in last night has a prawn between her legs". The supervisor lifted the sheet to inspect the body and chuckled. "There's no need to be upset, that's not a prawn, it's her clitoris, it's supp


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A fresh graduate found his first job at a news company.

When he reached the company office, he noticed that there was no way in. not wanting to be late for the first day of work, he frantically called his supervisor. The supervisor laughed and said:

"you enter through the paywall"

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Gas

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged h


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The New Lumberjack

A lumberjack new to the job had trouble meeting his quota. He worked as hard as he could, but still he could only chop down two or three trees in a day. His supervisor noticed this, and asked what was wrong. Maybe his chainsaw was broken. The supervisor turned it on, but it was working fine.

The lumberjack looked incredibly startled and asked, "What's that noise?"


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A man in a van with a plan

A man was speeding along the road in a van, doing well over 100, until he was pulled over by a police car.

"Sir, do you know how fast you were going? Let me see your license"

The man responded "Officer, I don't have a license"

"What?? Where is the paperwork for this van?"

"I don't have any paperwork,


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You have to love those Newfies...........

A road crew supervisor in southern Ontario hired Herb from Newfoundland, to paint the yellow line down the middle of highway 10 heading up toward Wasaga Beach. He was skeptical about hiring him since he didn't have any painting background; however, he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lorrie-Jane, told him so.

He explained to Herb


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First Day in the Navy

It was a young man’s first day on assignment in the Navy, and he was getting toured around the ship, his new home. His supervisor was rattling through his spiel,

“Here’s the bow, here’s the stern, mess hall, sleeping quarters, blah blah blah”,

The young guy says,

“great great, but sir, we’re at sea for so long, even


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Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

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After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?”
The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.


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Billy Graham is on his way back to Charlotte after speaking at a convention

When his plane arrived there was a limousine waiting to take him home. He walked up to the limo and spoke to the driver.

"You know" he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?"

The driver said, "No problem. Have at it."

Billy gets into the driver's seat and they


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Two brothers are robbing a bank

the older bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you."

Everyone in the bank silences and laid down quietly, so the men swifly do what they need to and escape before police arrive.

When they get home, the younger robber tell the older one: "Big brother, let's count how much we


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My wife was furious when i told her my supervisor offered me a raise in exchange for sex.

I thought she'd be happy I got a promotion.

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A man mentions to a coworker today that her hair smells nice....



The woman suddenly grows enraged, storms into the supervisors office and declares loudly that she's quitting and has decided to file a sexual harassment suit.

"Come on" says the supervisor. "What's wrong with a guy saying your hair smells nice?"

"He's a fucking midget".


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My supervisor said I'm getting a poor appraisal because my communication skills are so weak

I didn't know what to say to that

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A man applies for a job as a diesel fitter at a women's underwear factory. He asks his supervisor what the job entails.

The supervisor takes some underwear off the line, puts it on his head and says, "Deez'll fit 'er!"

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A supervisor at the US Department of Agriculture was seen crying at his desk...

Employee: Why are you crying?

Supervisor: My farmer died.

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Today I received a message from Facebook

Fb : we would appreciate if you signed this petition

Me: what is it about ?

Fb: it’s about your continued faith in Facebook during these troubled times and requesting the govt not to put any sanctions

Me: you assholes stole our private information and sold it to others

Fb : don’t worry sir, we never leaked any info about our users lik


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John Smith and Barry McGregor were two construction workers and had become pretty good friends.

They were working on a the scaffolding of a 30-story tower, while a storm was brewing. A sudden gust of wind caused the scaffolding to sway, which in turn caused John to falter. He tripped and fell 30 stories down. With a blunt bang he smacked onto the ground. Needless to say, he didn't survive the fall. Shaken, Barry went to their supervisor to discuss this unfortunate situation. After a few


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A supervisor for NASA...

A man working for NASA is supervising 300 prospective astronauts for a mission to Mars... in a specific test, the astronauts are put in a capsule with a faulty airlock, and all the air is escaping through the faulty airlock. All of the people are required to run through the test individually, to see how they’d react in a high-stress situation. Understandably the first person to go freaks out


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Today I received a message from Facebook

Fb : we would appreciate if you signed this petition

Me: what is it about ?

Fb: it’s about your continued faith in Facebook during these troubled times and requesting the govt not to put any sanctions

Me: you assholes stole our private information and sold it to others

Fb : don’t worry sir, we never leaked any info about our users


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Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, "What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?"

Blushing, the agent replies, "I got nervous. I meant to shout "Donald, duck!"


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During a Robbery in Guangzhou

the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you."

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is


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What do you get when you cross a supervisor with a sharpie?

Fired

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I work as a customs official.

Usually quite mundate, xray this pat down that. One day, out of nowhere, this rather strange group shows up. Dressed in old looking clothes, helmets, carrying sharp looking swords and pikes, or something. Halberds? Look like one of those conquistador pics in history books. Anyways, you can't take stuff like that on an aeroplane, so I prepare to flag them down, radio my supervisor. A bit worri


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A supervisor at a Tickle-Me-Elmo factory...

...instructed an employee to give the dolls 'test tickles'. The dolls were recalled for being anatomically correct.

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A bank robbery

During a recent robbery in Hong Kong, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank:
"Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you."
Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept" Changing the conventional way of thinking.
When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber s


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After four years, I just became a transit supervisor!

[deleted]

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TIL that despite graduating from Yale with a business degree, George W Bush turned down the position of Field Supervisor in his family's oil business to start in the mail room.

He said he was more of an "inside job" kind of guy.

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Our confidentiality supervisor is...

Ike Antellu

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A blonde gets a job painting lines on the highway...

A blonde gets a job painting lines on the highway. At the end of the first day, her supervisor is impressed. "Wow!" he says. "You did eight miles today! That's amazing!"

The second day, the blonde's production is down to four miles. "Still pretty darn good," the supervisor says.

On the third day, the blonde only does two miles. Th


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Now Hiring: Wizard Mining Supervisor

Sirius in quarries only.

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