Summer

Jokes

OC Kid's joke... What do you get when you cross a loon (bird) with a common summer pest?

A Loon-a-tick

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As a summer job I would work for the circus, my job was to circumcise the elephants...

The pay wasn’t that good, but the tips were HUGE

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Bryan Adams releases timely song, dealing with the problems of hot female lesbian couples.

Summer of 69.

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During summer, an old Minecraft song about a creeper really blew up.

Guess you can say its had its revenge.

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What does my summer assignment and women have in common

Fortnite stops me from doing it

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Trump said global warming was a hoax and he could easily make temperatures "the lowest ever recorded" this summer.

So he switched the US to Celsius.

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My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult

He had trouble finnishing his sentences

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Why aren't there any Muslim Eskimos

When Ramadan falls in the summer they all starve to death.

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Don't think of this as the hottest summer of the last 125 years.

Think of it as the coolest summer of the next 125 years.

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Why are there so many public mass shootings in America?

Because the schools are closed for summer vacation.

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As I drove away, after taking my son to summer camp, I could see him vigorously waving . . .

Then the wind died down and he just kind of hung there for a while.

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The doctor has given me two months to live.

I've chosen August and December, because I like summer but don't want to miss Christmas.

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Nothing beats the Swedish summer...

it's simply the best day of the year.

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Whats the most mathematical aspect of summer?

The tan lines

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Call me shallow, but a child left in the car in the summer with the windows up...

is so fucking hot!

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I got fired from my summer job at MampM quality control

I threw out a batch of W's.

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Michael Jackson went to the beach one summer day...

when a woman approached him and said "Excuse me, sir...but could you please stop fucking my son in the ass"

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So I just remembered a joke that I said during summer school that Im pretty sure my teacher wanted to kick me out for

Vegans can’t have sex because they don’t eat meat

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Where do kids with ADHD get sent for summer break?

Concentration camp

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To clarify: teachers are not "off for the summer"

they are in recovery.

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A penguin was taking a summer road trip...

A penguin was taking a summer road trip in the American Southwest when his car broke down and he got a tow to the nearest shop. The mechanic told him it would take an hour to check his car, so the penguin waddled across the street to an ice cream shop and ordered a vanilla cone, which he made a huge mess of, because flippers. After an hour had passed he waddled back to the auto shop. Mechanic said


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Where are my testicles, Summer?

Oh nevermind, there they are, stuck to my thighs.

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What's the most important thing in church during the summer?

-

The prayer-conditioner.

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You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day?

Going to the beach on a winter day.

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One psychic says to another, lovely weather we're having at the moment

“Yes," says the other psychic, "reminds me of the summer of 2021″.

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Why do we have gay pride parades in the summer?

Because pride comes before the fall

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I once tried ice skating on a lake, but I fell in. Nobody helped me either, they just laughed at me panic.

Worst summer vacation ever.

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I once tried ice skating on a lake, but I fell in. Nobody helped me either, they just laughed at me panic.

Worst summer vacation ever.

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I loved last summer in Milwaukee.

I think it was a Tuesday.

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How fortunately that is not snowing in the summer

Who would have wanted to clean snow in such a heat?

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What did Lucius Malfoy tell Dr. Dre during the annual summer bonfire?




Do you want more s'mores, Dre?

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Wieghtt loss I tell ya

*Beginning of June*
Me: “I should really start my summer body...”
*Now middle of June*
Also me: “ehhh next summer...”

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After a disappointing summer

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

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My summer body is in shape.

Round is a shape.

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I got my summer body in shape.

Round is a shape.

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Vacation

Wife to husband: "Did you find any affordable summer vacations, honey?"

Husband:" Here's one to Dominican Republic on a Boeing 747 Max!

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Im so excited for summer!!!

I just wet my plants.

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What do you call masturbating in the summer?

A heat stroke.

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I visited my girlfriends family in Mexico during the summer.

They all laughed at me for wearing a sweater.

But, my girlfriend told me it would be chili tonight

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I heard Humpty Dumpty had a great summer!

But he had a horrible fall.

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There's a lot of bad jobs in life,

my uncle runs a summer camp for kids about to get molested.

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My kid has Attention Deficit Disorder so I have sent him to a summer camp for kids with ADHD.

It's known as a Concentration Camp.

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Here's a simple one

What do you call an hitmen who kills only in summer? A heat-man!

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What does a pig say on a hot summer day?

"I'm bacon out here!"

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What would government do when summer come?

Start digging

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Pete in China

Pete, a high school teacher from Chicago, decided to travel to China for his summer vacation. Since he wanted to experience the whole chinese culture he planned to visit every attraction, learn more about every tradition and sample every dish china had to offer.

So he went for the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, the Summer Palace, the Yangtze River and the Mausoleum of Light. He even


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What is Post Malone's favorite summer fruit?

Water Malone

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I was shopping with my girlfriend and I asked if she really needed that new summer dress

"Do I really need you?"

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What are the four main problems with Soviet agriculture?

Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter

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yeh this Reagan's joke, doesn't mean it isn't funny

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5 Seconds of Summer

The members of 5 Seconds of Summer don't even last 5 seconds




because they ain't no D-erection.

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