Suited

Jokes

During the job interview

"So, it says here you've been fired for having sex at your workplace...TWICE."

"Well, I guess I was neither suited to be a mortician nor a vet."

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At the job center

"So, it says here you have been fired for having sex at your job... TWICE."

"I guess I was neither suited to be a mortician, nor a vet."

"So, what do you want to be now?"

"A nursery teacher."

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My parents called a meeting just to tell me I'm really well-suited to my environment?

I don't remember exactly what they said, but it was something like, "son, you're adapted."

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Its a good thing I didnt vaccinate my kids.

The doctor was more suited to give the shots instead.

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Id make a pizza joke

But there’s pineapple on it so it might not be suited for everyone’s taste.

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Why are gay men so fashionable?

They spend their entire childhood in the closet.

I am OP, put this in /r/darkjokes and they said it might be better suited here.

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Jimmy sets up a lemonade stand outside his front yard...

Seeking refuge from the summer heat, neighborly patrons flock to his little stand, and he makes a fair bit of dough.

Upon hearing about the popularity of this stand the next day, mysterious gentlemen in suits pull up into his parents' driveway.

One suited man says, "Jimmy do you have a permit to be selling this lemonade?"

"No." Says t


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(OC) Young Jimmy sets up a lemonade stand outside his front yard...

Seeking refuge from the summer heat, neighborly patrons flock to his little stand, and he makes a fair bit of dough.

Hearing about the popularity of this stand, the very next day, mysterious gentlemen in suits pull up into his parents' driveway.

One suited man says, "Jimmy do you have a permit to be selling this lemonade?"

"No" Says t


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OC Young Jimmy sets up a lemonade stand outside his front yard...

Seeking refuge from the summer heat, neighborly patrons flock to his little stand, and he makes a fair bit of dough.

Hearing about the popularity of this stand, the very next day, mysterious gentlemen in suits pull up into his parents' driveway.


One suited man says, "Jimmy do you have a permit to be selling this lemonade?"

"No"


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Have you ever heard of the paralysed man who aspired to become a stand-up comedian?

He figured sitcoms suited him better.

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There are only four types of officer ... "

" ... First, there are the lazy, stupid ones. Leave them alone, they do no harm. Second, there are the hard-working, intelligent ones. They make excellent staff officers, ensuring that every detail is properly considered. Third, there are the hard-working, stupid ones. These people are a menace and must be fired at once. They create irrelevant work for everybody. Finally, there are the intell


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A man applied for an advertisement for honda.

They said that he wasnt suited for it.
The man replied “well that’s _accord_ing to you.”

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Which parts of a laptop are best suited for laying siege?

The battery and ram.

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Matches for sale

An Aberdonian man is selling matches on Kings Cross Station for 10p a box from the tray on a string round his neck . Each morning a man in a pin-stripe suit walks past and drops ten pence on his tray, day after day, but never takes even so much as a single match.

After six month of this, the Aberdonian man has had enough. He waits until the pin-stripe suited man approaches and says


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Stutter builder

There where 2 builders placing cement blocks to build a house. They where like 5 m above ground on a scaffolding and a cement block slipped from the hands of a builder, " falling rocks" shouted the builder and a well suited man looked up and dodged the block, the builder went down to check on the well suited man and apologised but the man instead gave him $20 as a reward for saving his l


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Long joke

There where 2 builders placing cement blocks to build a house. They where like 5 m above ground on a scaffolding and a cement block slipped from the hands of a builder, " falling rocks" shouted the builder and a well suited man looked up and dodged the block, the builder went down to check on the well suited man and apologised but the man instead gave him $20 as a reward for saving his l


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A moth flies into a Paediatrician's office...

Upon entering, he takes a seat and begins talking.

Moth: Doc, my life is coming apart. The wife has become very distant and my kids are giving me no notice. I'm starting to get really depressed all the time. I've been taking medication but it isn't helping.

The Paediatrician is confused but allows the moth to continue with his story.

When he is


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Which singer would be best suited for the roman military?

Britney Spears

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What gas is best suited for a job with the IRS

I asked the waitress for a cup of tea, because it was something she just loved to do. "Ma'mam I notice you have the shot of Baileys but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room in protest. Student: Bow, wow, wow. and the whole thing buying rounds for the whole bar to hear.

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I just left this message for a friend.

Hey (Friends name here), I just got picked up by the cops! They told me that I fit the description for one of the two guys they where looking for. They said they where looking for a badass, and a retard, so grab your helmet and your crayons, and get the hell out of town!

EDIT: Voicemail is a better suited option.


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What gas is best suited for a job with the IRS?

I asked the waitress for a cup of tea, because it was something she just loved to do. "Ma'mam I notice you have the shot of Baileys but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room in protest. Student: Bow, wow, wow. and the whole thing buying rounds for the whole bar to hear.


Thanks to /u/Jokes_SS over at /r/Subredditsimulator


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Which actor is best suited for a programmer role?

Dev Patel.

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Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail spam inbox

I find:

* 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

* I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

* 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

* 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

* Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.

* 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.


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Whenever I feel depressed in life. ..

Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my E-Mail inbox...

I find: 1) 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

2) I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

3) 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

4) 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

5) 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.


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What kind of man named Will is best suited to work in a forge?

A black Smith!

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A man goes on a job interview...

and is greeted by the manager with a plump body.

The manager looks through his resume, "You look suited for this job. So, what is your biggest weakness?"

"Biggest weakness? That would be honesty, sir."

"Honesty? That doesn't sound like a weakness to me."

"You really mean it, fat ass?"


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Which Harry Potter character is best suited for an apple product.

Sirius black

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Babies are like etch-a-sketches

They go away if you shake them.

(If this would be more suited for /r/meanjokes let me know.)

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Tomorrow is the start of International Holocaust Deniers Month

Maybe better suited for /r/ImGoingToHellForThis?

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Since women are shorter....are they more genetically suited to scrub the toilet?

funny or not

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I don't think I'm well-suited for this job as a newspaper editor.

Even my blood is a Type O!

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What is the difference between cats and commas?

This might be better suited for /r/riddles but I think its more a joke

Cats have claws at the ends of it's paws

commas haves pauses at the ends of its clause.

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