Stroke

Jokes

A secretary received an expensive pen as a gift from her boss.

She sent him a "Thank You” note the following day.

The boss's wife read the note and filed for divorce.

The note said: Your penis wonderful and I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra ordinary smooth flow and a firm stroke. I loved its perfect size and grip. Felt like I was in heaven when using it. Thank you so much!

Moral: A "space&


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So Doctor, you're saying I can masturbate whenever I want to?

No David, Is aid you can have a stroke at any time

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A man wearing a trench coat, with nothing on underneath, walks up to 3 nuns sitting on a park bench. The first 2 nuns were so appalled they gasped and fainted.

The 3rd nun had a stroke.

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I recently watched a documentary on stroke victims.

It was a bit one-sided.

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Really cute puppy is lost in desert, it is really weak and it looks like it is about to die from dehydratation...

... and then suddenly it dies because of a heat stroke.

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My girlfriend gave me a handjob in the sauna.

I got a heat stroke.

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Two elderly women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up to them and flashes them. One woman had a stroke.

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What's an Irish swimmer's favorite stroke?

Margaret Thatcher's.

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Three nuns were sitting on a bench in the park when a man walked past with his cock out ... two of them had a stroke

The third one couldn't reach

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Two nuns are sitting on a park bench ...

... a man walks up to them, pulls down his pants and exposes his penis. One of the nuns had a stroke. The other one wouldn't touch it.

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What did the cops do the burglar running away that gave him a stroke?

They contained the burglar using cardiac arrest

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Three Old Ladies sitting on a bench.

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench, just chatting the day away...like old ladies do.

A man in a trench coat walks up to them and suddenly flashes them with all his glory.

Well, the first old lady has a stroke right away.

The second old lady has a stroke soon after.

The third old lady, being more old and feeble, couldn't reach that


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There are some things that you just cannot say with a straight face.

"I am having a stroke" is one that comes to mind.

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Me: "So Doctor, you are saying I can touch myself anytime I want to?"

Doctor: "No, Jeff. I said you could have a stroke at any time."

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Why is golf the most dangerous sport?

Because you have have a stroke after you stroke out in Golf it (especially if your BigJigglyPanda)

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I got kicked out of the hospital...

Apparently the sign it said “stroke patients here” meant something completely different than I thought.

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A Conservative Brit, a Conservative American, a Liberal American, and a Liberal Brit were at a pool

The Conservative Brit says: “Hey, what’s everyone’s favorite stroke? Mine is the freestyle because it’s free like how I like trading to be”

The Conservative American says “I like the backstroke because I want things to go back to how they were in the old times”

The Liberal American says “Well I like the butterfly stroke beca


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What are swimmers afraid of dying from?

A bad stroke.

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I named my penis Genius

So when people ask me what I did last night, I can tell them I had a stroke of Genius

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What medical emergency and swimming style do artists hate the most?

A brush stroke.

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What do you call Einstein getting a hand job?

A stroke of genius.

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I walked in on my grandfather having a stroke...

Dirty old man watches way too much porn.

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Did you hear the one about the guy who died watching porn?

Cardiac Arrest Mid-Stroke

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What do you call it if the Marlboro man dies of a cerebrovascular accident during sex?

A Lucky Stroke

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An old man died on the golf course...

He lost by one stroke.

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What do you call masturbating in the summer?

A heat stroke.

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A man in a trench coat runs up to three old ladies sitting on a park bench and exposes himself.

One of the old ladies had a stroke, but the other two couldn't reach.

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What did my grandpa say before he kicked the bucket?

“Look how far I can kick this bucket?”

Then he had a stroke

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What do you call the place where you have a chance to get a stroke?

The clottery

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I started swimming last week

The instructor asked me what my favourite stroke was. Apparently the one that killed Margaret Thatcher was the wrong answer cuz now I'm banned

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I had a stroke of genius today

Not sure why I named my cock genius... just seemed to fit

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Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench, when a flasher walks up to them.

He yanks open his rain coat and exposes himself totally to them. His penis is just hanging right out there. This is an enormous shock to the old ladies and one of them has a STROKE right away!

But the other one couldn't quite reach.

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What did the stroke patient say when he blew up the hospital?

Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the gold and silver kind strangers!

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Its a good idea to give high IQ people handjobs.

Some would say it’s a stroke of genius.

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Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench

A streaker runs up to them, opens his jacket and flashes them.

The first old lady had a stroke and fainted.
The second old lady had a stroke and collapsed.
The third old lady tried to have a stroke but couldn’t reach.

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A guy that had a stroke walks into a bar.

The bartender says: "Why the long face?"

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My Grandpa was an artist. He had an amazing stroke

That's how he died...

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12th Stroke of Midnight

The Fairy Godmother said that all of Cinderella's things would magically turn back on the twelfth stroke, but looking at how milquetoast Prince Charming is, I bet he won't last 4.

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There are 3 old ladies sitting on a bench. A man wearing a trench-coat walks by, and FLASHES them! 2 of the old ladies have a stroke...

The other one couldn't reach that far.

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Moses, Jesus, and an old old man are playing golf the other dayyyyy.... longish

Moses tees off, and the ball heads straight for the water hazard. *plop*
He walks over and uses his club to part the water, and smacks the ball up to the green. One more stroke gets him the par 3.

Jesus is up next and his ball too, goes straight for the water hazard. Luckily it hovers just above the water's surface. Another stroke is in the hole. One under par.


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What did Albert Einstein called masturbation?

A stroke of genius.

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Three friends are at a pool together

One of them say “my grandpa was a national swimming champion” “ his best stroke was butterfly”

The second friend says “my grandpa was also a swimmer, he too was a national champ” “his best stroke was breast stroke”

the third one says “my grandpa was also a swimmer ! although he wasn’t able to make it to nationals


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I just hate these jokes where the punchline is that its dea-

*On May 5 11 A.M., u/XS_RandomThings has suffered a stroke. He died shortly afterwards.*

~Morgue

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Old McDonald had a stroke

I E O E I

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What to do with foreskins.

When my son was circumcised I asked the Doc to give me the leftovers. I made a wallet out of it. When you stroke it a few times it turns into a suitcase.

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Why shouldnt fishermen become recreational boaters?

Their risk of stroke becomes much higher

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Bought a pair of working socks yesterday.

I put them in the garden when I got home, they have not done a stroke of work, that is £5.99 i wont see again.

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A sliced shot into the buttercups

A man is playing golf and on the 3rd hole he slices his drive deep into the woods. He goes into the woods and he locates his golf ball in a patch of buttercup flowers. Now he has a decision to make. He can either play the ball where it lies and destroy the buttercups in the process or he can declare the ball unplayable, take a drop and a penalty stroke and preserve the plants.

The man


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I was being interviewed as a swimmer instructor when they asked me what my favourite stroke was

Apparently Margaret Thatchers was not what they were looking for

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I tried to join a club for people who can fell a tree with a single stroke...

But I didn't make the cut.

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