Static

Jokes

I accidentally broke someone's radio.

Now they won't stop giving me static about it.

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A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity.

So I returned it to the store. They gave me another one, free of charge.

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I fell in a pile of dryer sheets.

I'm ex-static.

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I used to get a nasty electric shock every time I touched something metallic.

But thankfully I’m cured.

I’m ex-static!

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A jumper I got for my birthday kept picking up static electricity.

So I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one.


Free of charge

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I hate static caravans

Every time I put my key in the door, my hair sticks up.

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I went to return a sweater that i bought because it was full of static.

I got a new one, free of charge

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The sweater my wife gave me was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

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Religious person: I have free will because my God let me have free will.

My logical mind: *static*

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Broke up with my girlfriend because she stopped conducting electricity.

She is Ex-Static.

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Before I met my girlfriend I was out of control. I was wild and always getting shocked by static electricity. But not anymore...

She really keeps me grounded.

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Elon Musk was watching The Simpsons....

And the TV went to static. He went to fix it, but it was still static. Confused, he passed out. He woke up to find that the Simpsons were staring right in front of him.

So Elon Musk drives them to the Meeting Of Rich Assholes, or MORA, to investigate. Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, Richard Branson, and others were so shocked, so they took them to the Vatican.

Pope Francis, l


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I recently invested a lot of money in an experimental facial oil meant to protect from static shock

It turned out to be a de-zap ointment

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I tried receiving a TV signal from Nepal, but I only got static. I guess...

I tried receiving a TV signal from Nepal, but I only got static.



I guess...

I need NeNTSC.


aha
ahahaha
ahahahahahahahaha

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I think my white noise machine is broken...

It keeps making static.

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Two Philosophers Die...

Or did they? What is death? What is the universe? What is existence? What is conciseness? What if they never died and were just in a static state waiting to be revived?

Update: Two Philosophers Die?

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People used to be shocked if I'd touch them, but not anymore...

...now I'm ex-static

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Talking to the girlfriend

I was trying to talk to my girlfriend on a pair of walkie talkies the other day, but she just kept making static noises.

I think we're breaking up

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Static methods won't get this

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A static method won't get this

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Trade Jokes - - HVAC

The new guy made a good impression by being organized - He had all his ducts in a row...

I asked the tinknocker if he was busy... He said "can't you see I'm on a brake?"

They fired the mechanical engineer... too much static apparently

Never use duct tape on a old pipe - it might quack


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My love life is like static friction, not going anywhere.

Thought of this while studying for physics test.

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This year's Oscar nominations are so white...

...that when I watched the broadcast I thought my TV had broken into static!

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Did you hear that Wayne Static of Static-X died?

Shocking.

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Topical Jokes for 1021

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

NASA scientists are preparing for a mission to Mars by spending eight months in Hawaii. After eight months in Hawaii, the scientists will then go on a well-earned vacation.

...the Hawaii mission will help astronauts practice doing tequila shots while wearing those giant helmets.

Wal-Mart h


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A U-Boat is hit by a depth charge...

...the Kapitan gets to the radio and yells 'Commandant, Commandant!!! Ve are sinking.'
The radio is silent for a few seconds and finally the Kapitan hears a voice break through the static. 'Vhat are you sinking about?'

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A blonde decided to rent her first porno...

...so she went to the video store and picked out a tape with a title that sounded sexy. She drove home, lit some candles, took off her clothes and placed the tape in the VCR, but nothing appeared on her screen except static. So she called the video store and complained. She said "I just rented a porno from you and there's nothing on the tape but static. The clerk replies "Sorry abou


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Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and received a static shock?

He was cleared of all charges.

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