Spring

Jokes

I used to have winter fat

But now I have spring rolls

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How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

You use spring water.

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If the offspring means those who spring off (someone)...

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Im quitting spring mix.

Just checked into a mesclun clinic this afternoon.

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Did you hear about the two bed bugs that are getting married?

They're having a lovely wedding in the spring.

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What do you call Chinese food that jumps.

Spring Bok-Choy

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What did the pirate say to the spring apparel?

Ahoy May-tees

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A cowboy had spent many days crossing the Montana prairies without water. His horse had already died of thirst.

He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him. 

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. 

But this is no ordinary genie. She is w


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A cowboy had spent many days crossing the Montana prairies without water. His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground A cowboy had spent many days crossing the Montana prairies without water. His horse had already died of thirst. He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him.  what looks to be an old briefcase.  H


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How do you make a waterbed bouncier?

Fill it with spring water

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It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow-choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine.

The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "Okay, fi


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At what time of year does F-kx not hold?

Spring Break.

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What did the spring say to the airplane?

Boeing!!

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The rain in the spring is like first time having sex.

First minute is unpleasant, but once you get pretty wet, it feels okay.

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A pretty girl knocks on the door and asks if he needs yard work

Johnny looks at her and is skeptical at first. He never saw a female gardener before, much less someone so attractive. He decides to give her a try, and pays her to mow it once to see how she does.

To his astonishment, she not only does an excellent job, but mows in an elaborate pattern that turns the lawn into a work of art. Not wanting to lose her, Johnny immediately agrees to pay


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What are the four main problems with Soviet agriculture?

Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter

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yeh this Reagan's joke, doesn't mean it isn't funny

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What does mama spring say to baby spring when the night comes?

Sleep well.

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What says the nymphomaniac's right leg to her left leg, at the end of spring break ?

"Long time no see !"

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What's wrong with Soviet agriculture?

Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter

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I can never tell the difference between spring and winter.

In autumnal, I can't tell the difference between the seasons.

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How do you make a water bed more bouncy?

Just add spring water!

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If you want your water bed to be more bouncy...

Use spring water.

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Spring is finally here

I got so excited I wet my plants.

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NSFW: Why is a spring rain like your ex-boyfriend??

Why is a spring rain like your ex-boyfriend??

It doesn’t last long and barely makes you wet!!

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Why is a spring rain like your ex-boyfriend??

Why is a spring rain like your ex-boyfriend??



It doesn’t last long and barely gets you wet!

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The details of my life are quite inconsequential...

very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with a low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for burglary. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloà with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of be


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German sex tourist picks up a prostitute

Takes her back to his hotel room and insists she attach a coil to each hand and foot and use a bird call while he bends her over and proceeds to take her from behind. They bounce all over the hotel room, with the prostitute going quack, quack, quack the whole time. When he's finally done, she collapses in a heap and proclaims it the best sex she's ever had. The German says "Where I


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To celebrate the end of winter, my local bed shop is having a spring sale.

The rest of the bed is still full price though.

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Why did Larry the gardener stay indoors on such a beautiful spring day?

Crippling depression.

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Which city has its seasons reversed?

Tornto, the Leafs always fall in the spring

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How do you make a waterbed more springy

Fill it with spring water

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The first snow of spring here in the Midwest is alot like some other great firsts....

Like the first dent in a new car.

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You know its spring in Boston

When the leafs get blown out.

I'll see myself out

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They should change the Canada Goose to America Goose

They're far from being the normal polite Canadian you meet. They come back every spring all rude and acting like they own the place.

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How do you make a water bed more bouncy

You add spring water

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How do you make a water bed more bouncy

Add spring water

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An Englishman and an American are out walking on a beautiful day.

An Englishman and an American are out walking on a beautiful day.
The American takes a deep breath, looks around and says, "Spring in the air."
The Englishman replies, "How high?"

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A Cowboy was out riding one spring . . .

It was spring in the old west. A cowboy rode the trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As the cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake. "Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot - I'm an enchanted rattlesn


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Finally my winter fat is gone.

Now I have spring rolls .

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Im really allergic to pollen

But I feel this spring will be breathtaking

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What did Einstein conclude was responsible for snow after winter?

Spring Theory

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What do you call it when it's officially spring but winter won't let go?

Spring theory

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Saw 1st signs of spring today.

Two crackheads were carrying a space heater into the pawn shop.

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Why do blondes give more head in spring?

They've heard that one swallow doesn't make a summer.

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Why did the mechanic powerwash his shocks?

Because he wanted to do a little spring cleaning.

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Jrgen was an Austrian exchange student that visiting Mississippi during spring break. He saw a "battle" flag, and trying to remember what it meant

Finally, he remarked:

“Oh, that’s right. They also have Nazis here too”

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How many spring steel springs could a spring steel spring steal if a spring steel spring could steal spring steal springs?

A pint.

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The neighbors decided to kick us out of the plot that we bought



5 years ago my husband and I bought a cottage. Not far from the city, on the border of the forest, with an old but strong house. The site has been abandoned for a long time, but we are not confused - we are both not afraid of work, and wanted to have a country corner, especially since we got the site for a song. They began to restore order, managed 2 months. Confused that on a site


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Water is wet

ok so i know people say water isnt wet, because u actually have to wet something with the water first. but lets say you have a water in a glass, right. the glass is now in fact wet, right? cause its touched by the water. But the water is also in touch with the glass. water has to always be in contact with something. so lets say u have water. where do u have ur water? in the spring? ok so the sprin


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What does Spring sound like?

Boing!!!

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