Spare

Jokes

Three bulls walk in a field

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.


First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."


Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."


Third Bull: "I've


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What do gods talk about in their spare time?

Nothing much. Just idol chatter

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TIL: The guy who invented the toothbrush plays banjo in his spare time.

Anyone else would have called it a teethbrush.

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The other day a homeless man asked me for some spare change.

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A man finds a magic lamp from which a genie suddenly pops out...

...the man can not believe what he sees but quickly understands what it means. In excitement, he starts reciting his first wish when the genie cuts him.

"You who saved me from my curse shall receives three wishes as symbol of my gratitude, all though, I should firs-"

"Spare me the details" ordered the man in a hurry

The genie snaps his fi


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Two terrorists are driving to a location where they are planning to plant a bomb.

One was driving and the other was in the passenger seat with the bomb on his lap. When car went over a speed bump at a high speed and the car shook, the one in the passenger said to the driver: "Hey! Drive slowly! This might go off!"

The driver replied: "Chill, man. You know we have got a spare one in the back."


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Van Gogh is walking down the street.

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Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?

They always get a hole in one.

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A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy.

The boy replies, “I’m an orphan, your honor.”

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I was walking down the street the other day when some man sitting down on the sidewalk asked me, spare change?

I said, “sure, I’d love some!”

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My friend always has a spare cap in his backpack, just in case you need it...

He has a handicap

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A woman with a clipboard stopped me in the street today and asked if I could spare 2 minutes to help build a school in Africa.

I said sure, but I don’t think we’ll get much done

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A homeless guy asked me for some money.

I said "Dude, look at the car that I drive! Does it look like I have money to spare?" and so he left.

It's no wonder he's homeless if he's dumb enough to think I would have money left over after buying a Lamborghini.

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Knock knock

Hello mate! Have you got a moment to spare for our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?

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Husband and Wife are like 2 tires of a vehicle. If one punctures, the vehicle can no longer move further.

Moral of the story: always keep a spare tire.

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Why does Donald trump take a spare pair of socks with him when golfing?

In case he gets a hole in one

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What did the Listeria microbe say to the other listeria microbe

"do you mind if I join you in your ham sandwich?"

"no , you may NOT. I am about to start my own family and there is no spare room.

​

"

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What's the difference between a boomerang and a stick of wood ?

With the boomerang you can spare yourself the dog.

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Cardi B walks into a bar.

I don't remember the rest of the joke, bo you have some spare change for a taxi home?

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So be prepared for the most gosh darn original joke of Century. What does a cow do on its spare time?

Answer = Go to the Moooovies HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

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Who would win, 200 French soldiers or 2 Prussian soldiers?

Well if the French would stop running away, maybe we’d know!

(Please don’t be harsh it’s my first post, spare me)

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A woman with a clipboard stopped me on the street the other day

She said, "can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?"

I said "all right, but we won't get much done..."

(-Jimmy Carr)

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A very spare person

A very stingy person once bought a new phone and he put it in his back pocket, and while he was sitting, he heard something cracked, he said I hope this is my backbone.

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What do bowling and vegetables have in common?

A spare I guess

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A British man and an American man are at home finishing lunch.

American: Man, I love these fries.

Brit: You mean chips?

American: Naw, man. The chips are over there.

Brit: Those are crisps, you wank.

American: Whatever, dude. I’m gonna go get in the car and buy some more, wanna come with?

Brit: Alroit, chap.

American: Aw crap. My wheel’s flat. Good thing I got a spare ti


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What's the difference between sharing your food with someone you like, and stealing food from someone you don't?

One is a spare bite, and the other is bare spite.

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What did the beggar say to the Arab merchant when he was given some spare change?

Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

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Why do golfers always keep spare socks with them?

Just in case they have hole in one.

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I yelled at my coworker yesterday because he couldn't spare me any change.

Some people have no common cents.

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What does my dad like to do on his spare time?

eh, beats me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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In my spare time I'm helping blind children.

This is a lot of fun, especially since I got my new 3W blue laser pointer.

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Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, b


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A bum standing outside a restaurant asks a man in a suit if he could spare any change.

The man says: you don't need change what you need is brains!
If you had brains you'd have plenty of money.

The bum says: I don't know about any of that I just wanted some of what you have the most of.

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What's the most awkward place to run into a homeless person?

On your way to the Coinstar... "ehh, no i don't have any spare change, I was just on my way to turn this into real money"

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What does Mr kipling do in his spare time?

He fills his tarts with cream

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Lego Movie 2...

I can't believe how much merchandise the Lego Movie 2 has got!!

They do so, so, so, many different kits, that allow you to rebuild literally every scene from the film!! And on top of that, they do spare parts and little extra bits too!!!

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What does the Jewish alchemist do in his spare time?

Hebrew

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I strongly believe in karma.


Like this other day i noticed a homeless man sitting in front of the supermarket. He seemed to have a difficult time.

I went into the supermarket and collected some stuff to give to the homeless man, i wrapped it up neatly in some wrapping paper and went back outside

The homeless man asked if i had some spare change. I told him "I dont have any spare change fo


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In his spare time my dad races pigeons

I don’t know why, he never beats them.

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I'm a pro bowler now, But I wasn't always so good.

Back when I first started, I could never get a strike, and always had to clean up with a second throw. I only got better because I had a lot of spare time.

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My wife came home at three in the morning and I feared the worst.

But thankfully she went into the spare bedroom.

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Usain Bolt goes to join a golf club. The secretary says "We don't have any spare places at this club. However there's a club 10 minutes down the road that does. " Furious, Bolt replies "do you know who I am? I'm Usain fucking Bolt!"

"Oh, sorry, " replies the Secretary. "In that case, it's 5 minutes down the road! "

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I love helping blind people in my spare time.

Especially since I got my new 3 watts laser pointer.

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What would you call it if you found Prince Harry buggering Prince Andrew?

Putting the heir in the spare.

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What did the skeleton order at the restaurant

Spare ribs.

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I went fishing the other day.

I was sitting by the lake in my chair when a guy strolled over to me.

"Excuse me, buddy, have you got a spare line?" he asked.

I said, "No, I don't share my drugs."

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A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast



**A young man with a few hours** to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, “Of course.”

To his surprise, the old man play


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What do you call extra birds?

Spare-akeets

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A man drives past a psychiatric hospital...

And one wheel falls off. He takes a spare tire and runs around the car unable to find wheel studs, while patients of the hospital sit on the fence staring at him. The man eventually gets tired and sits down on the road in despair. So the patients ask him: “Can wheel still operate with only 3 studs?” “Yea, of course it can”,- the man answers. “Then you should unscrew


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What's the worst thing about being suicidal?

The school shooter will always spare you.

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