Spade

Jokes

Marriage is like a game of poker

At first you have two hearts and a diamond
By the end all you want is a club and spade

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Why is an orange orange?

'cos you can't wash a window with a spade.

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Best part about Kate Spade products ...

Is that they hang themselves

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Lions eat anything

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him.
To show the others who is the boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realizing his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.


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Why do shovels hate digging up metal?

Because of the irony

Sorry I guess you couldn’t handle the joke

I’m gonna dig up some more

I’ll spade you of any more puns

If you couldn’t sit through that you’re a tool

(Please don’t steal this joke it took me a long time to come up with it)

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Marriage is like cards.

When you first get married it's two hearts and a diamond. 40 years later it turns into a club and a spade.

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My wife asked for a spa day for Valentine's

I can't wait till she opens it and I tell her it's pronounced spade

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Marriage is like a deck of cards

You start off with two hearts and a diamond but it ends with a club and a spade.

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A gardener gets fed up with his veg not growing, so gives up and lobs his small spade to the ground.

He had decided to throw in the trowel.

(I know this is shit)

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Marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end you wish you had a club and a spade.

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What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Dead.

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I was shocked when I saw the photos of Kate Spade hanging

I was shocked when I saw the photos of Kate Spade hanging....

On the wall in my uncles living room. I didn’t know they used to be friends.

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Marriage is like a deck of cards

You start with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

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I'll soon tell a very funny joke, but it's somewhat recondite and so I'm warning in advance - to laugh after the word a spade

A bee is flying with a spade

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I always call a spade a spade!

Until I accidentally stepped on one

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What did Kate Spade say to Anthony Bourdain when he propositioned her for sex?

Not in this lifetime.

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We all should have seen the writing on the wall for Kate Spade.

She just had so much baggage.

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Marriage is like a deck of cards...

In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond and by the end you want a club and a spade

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Marriage: My wife said it was like a deck of cards, at the start, all you need is two hearts and a diamond......

Later, you want a club and a spade.

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Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain walk into a bar

Robin Williams is the bartender.
He says, “what’ll you have.”
Then the Santa Fe school shooter barges in and yells, “surprise!” and kills everyone. The end.

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Did you hear about the new Kate Spade bag?

They call it the body bag.

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It's official!

The new Kate Spade neck ties ARE the hot accssory of the season!

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What did Anthony Bourdain say to the hat?

You go on ahead... I'll hang around.

(Also works with Kate Spade.)

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Why did Kate Spade leave a note?

Because she wanted to make sure that everyone else wasn't left hanging.

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Kate Spade just committed suicide...

...now these bags will finally be worth something

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Kate Spade hung herself with a scarf today but at least she died doing what she loved





Accessorizing.

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Marriage is like a deck of cards. At the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

But after a while, all you want is a club and a spade.

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Why is marriage like a deck of cards?

Because in the beginning all you need are two Hearts and a Diamond, but after a few years all you want is a Club and a Spade.

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Nice pants!

Carl: Nice pants!

Dave: They were 90% off at Kate's!

Carl: Kate Spade? Didn't know they even did men's pants.

Dave: No, Kate, your wife.

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Marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

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Marriage is like a card game. You start with two hearts and a diamond...

But in the end you need a club and a spade...

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What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Dug

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Mariage is like deck of cards

At first its like a diamond and heart. Then it turns into a club and spade.

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Marriage is like a game of cards

At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.

Later on, it's a club and a spade.

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My marriage is like a game of cards

It started out with two hearts and a diamond, now all I want is a club and a spade.

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Marriage is like a hand of cards...

You start off with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing for clubs and a spade.

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What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

An ambulance

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Marriage is like a card game.

At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.

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Marriage is like a deck of cards...

In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end you wish you had a club and a spade.

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Marrage is like poker...

In the beginning your looking for 2 hearts and a diamond, and in the end you look for a club and a spade

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What do you call a man with a spade in his hand?

Doug

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Marriage is like a deck of cards...

In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

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Your bad Bon-Bon jokes - post em

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

..

Doug


Got a set of tweezers as the toy as well. Hours of fun right there.

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A wise man once said, a cheating wife is like a deck of playing cards...

You need a heart to love her

A diamond to marry her

A club to smash her fucking head in

And a spade to bury the bitch...

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My son just got a tattoo of a heart, a spade, a club, and a diamond, all without my permission.

I guess I'll deal with him later.

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A gardener that has been at the White House for the last 3 administrations had to be let go recently.


He was overheard asking, "Where is the spade and the hoe?"

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What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug.

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What do you get if you cross a whore and a black man at the beach?

A bucket and spade

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Marriage is like a deck of cards.

You start with two hearts and a diamond, and ends with a club and a spade

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A notorious card sharp was found dead last night.

He'd been clubbed on the heart with a diamond spade.

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