Soothing

Jokes

The Gynaecologists Assistant

A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more.

"Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their under


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The Gynaecologist's Assistant

A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more.

"Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their under


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When Archie's fiancee put her engagement ring near her ear, she could faintly hear guitars, maracas, and soothing Spanish vocals.

It was a marry Archie band.

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I got stung by a jellyfish in Hawaii. I got an allergic reaction and I needed medication but all I had was a soothing coconut spray-on lotion

It was a tropical medication

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You'll have to travel to Oxford

A bloke goes into the jobcentre in Newcastle and sees a card advertising for a gynaecologists assistant, interested he goes to find out more..
'Can you give me some more details about this?' He said to the guy behind the desk.
The jobcentre guy shifts through his files and replies 'ah yes, I've had quite a few enquiries about this one, the job involves you getting


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Harry cannot get this voice of guilt out of his head...

It is just engulfing him whole knowing what he’s done.

Then, a soothing voice comes along in his head and says “it’s okay harry, you’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients.”

Unfortunately for him, another voice sweeps him back to reality.

“Harry, you’re a veterinarian.”


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When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple Calm down in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her

a lot upset

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When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

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As my airplane was hitting a bad turbulance, I got on the loudspeakers with a soothing message for the passengers.

Apparently, "No pressure!" wasn't the best choice of words.

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What's the least soothing thing when you've been put on hold?

Soothing music.

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A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm and soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard... The hunt


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I'm working on a new line of soothing, caffeine-free, herbal tea for ladies.

It's going to be called The Steepover®

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.&quo


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A man went into the Job Center in Denver and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read:
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual salary is $65,000."


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Two Alabama hunters are out in the woods.....

when one of them falls to the ground. He seem to be breathing, but then his eyes roll back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend, is I think he's dead!! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy.! I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.&quo


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A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles, and sees an advertisement for a Gynecologist's Assistant.


Interested, he goes to learn more. 'Can you give me some more details?' he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing o


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Hunters in the Woods

'Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: ''My friend is dead! What can I do?'' The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: ''Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he&#


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Doctor

Doctor Joe had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't.

The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him. "Joe, don't worry about it. You aren't the fi


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Job opportunity

A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville, Florida, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more – “Can you give me some more details?” he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help them out of their


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The Man of the House

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, You Can Be THE Man of Your House.

Finding new courage that he never knew he had, he stormed into the kitchen and announced to his wife, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is the 'Law.' You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, bring it to me, and when I am done eating my m


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