Sofa

Jokes

I AM SOFA KING WE TODD DID

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I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.

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"SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went ther


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I used to play this weird video game called "Sofa King", but I never managed to make it past the "hard" difficulty

It was Sofa King: Hard

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What do you call a sofa given to a prostitute as payment?

Comfy.

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Why did I get divorced?

Well last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said: "Happy birthday boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said: "Do you


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What's the difference between women and white sofas?

If you like a white sofa you probably shouldn't put your ring on it.

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This morning a man in the street offered me a sofa and two armchairs.

I said, “My mother told me I’m not allowed to take suites from strangers”.

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The couch I ordered online hasn't arrived yet

It's sofa-due

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If you love something

**If you love something, set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was...**

And if it just sits there on the sofa, watching TV, unaware that it's been set free, you probably married it...

Or gave birth to it...!!!

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There was this company names "sofa king". But we didn't buy anything from them because...

the prices were sofa king high.

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I proposed a threesome to my wife. And she said yes.

So this weekend its going to be my stupid fucking ideas, the sofa and me.

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I'm gonna ask Marvin Gaye to come make my sofa feel better

I need some sectional healing

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What do you call a gay sofa?

A homo-sectional.

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My wife put a dirty plate on the corner of the sofa

I picked it up and said "Not a great place to leave this Wife"

She said "This Wife"

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Did you hear that the ruler of couches died of dehydration?

He was Sofa King hot.

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I recently bought a couch company

Sofa I’ve been getting very few customers. Hope I get some soon. It’ll be easier to cushion the blow when I tell my wife. Business isn’t great and the chairholders aren’t too happy.

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I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.

I said, “What’s going on?”

“You tell me?” replied my wife.

I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.”

“A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!”

I looked at my wife and said, &l


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My friend

So, I had this friend called Joe. So we both lived in this little apartment whilst in uni. I also had a girlfriend at the time as well. Joe was an...interesting guy. Funny, helpful, respectful. But he never told me where he was born or grew up. Anyway, one day im out with my girlfriend at a restaurant when suddenly I get a text from Joe. Apparently he has tripped over and he has got a stick or sto


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Why I got divorced

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" and I felt really special.
Then, she asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apar


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Why I got divorced:

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do


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SOFA KINGDOM

"I AM. SOFA KING. WE. TODD. ED."
chant these secret words to self several time fast relatively until...well,...you'll see. Oh, and do it in public too. Lol.

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What do you call a gay sofa?

A homo-sectional

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I've been married to my wife for thirteen years.

Now whenever we have an argument...

She tells me that I woke up on the wrong side of the sofa.

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How do you turn a normal sofa into a sofa bed?

Forget your girlfriend's birthday

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I am we Todd ed

I am sofa king we Todd ed

Read it out loud a few times if you don’t get it

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Jesus take the wheel

Carlos and Jose help me carry the sofa

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In 2019 I took New Year resolution that i will only tell furniture jokes

And sofa so good.




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2.7 of humans are conceived on a pull-out sofa.

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2.7 of humans are conceived on a pull-out sofa.

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Im just sitting here all sad, crushing my sofa cans by myself

It’s soda pressing.

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Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do


read more
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Husband, "Why are there torn condoms lying on sofa?"

Wife, "What? Where?"

Wife goes to find them and comes back angrily; saying, "Will you stop calling our children *Torn condoms*?

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My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping.

…with a really angry bear somewhere close by.

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I'm the Sofa King, and I own a chain of furniture stores. You all should come down to my store to take advantage of my low, low prices.

My prices aren't just great; they're Sofa King great.

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I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.

I said, “What’s going on?”

“You tell me?” replied my wife.

I said, “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.”

“A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!”

I looked at my wife and said, &l


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A guy and his friend are sitting on a sofa having a few beers. Guy 1 - What would you do if we found out an asteroid was going to hit the earth in one hour?

Guy #2 - “I would fuck the first thing that moved. What would you do?”

Guy #1 - “I’d sit very fucking still for the next hour!”

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Tereasa May, the kind of negotiator......

To walk into DFS and walk out with a full price sofa.

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Theresa may is so bad at negotiating

she came out of DFS with a full price sofa

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Women

A guy invites his buddy over for drinks they sit down on sofa have a beer and he noticed a kotex on top of the tv, he asks his buddy why is there a kotex on top of the tv, guy tells him oh that's to remind me of the cunt that stole my VCR.

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A guy and his friend are sitting on a sofa having a few beers. Guy 1 - What would you do if we found out an asteroid was going to hit the earth in one hour?

Guy #2 - “I would fuck the first thing that moved. What would you do?”

Guy #1 - “I’d sit very fucking still for the next hour!”

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I have decided that I will be telling jokes about furniture this year

Sofa, so good

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There was an old king who sat on a sofa

He was sofa king old

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This is Peter next door. Im sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you.


I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing.

The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mo


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My son came home with a free sofa and armchair today,

I've told him before never to take suites from a stranger.

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I was getting very frustrated on the sofa, newspaper in hand.


"Honey, I need help with this crossword. Five letters, another word for 'rest' and 'loosen'. I can't get it for the fucking life of me!!"

"'Relax'" she replied.

I said, "Fuck off, I've been on this for hours now."

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Are you a sofa? Because you're sofcking cute

\*badum-tsssss\*

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I was so drunk last night

Cops pulled somebody over on T.V. And I put my beer under the sofa.

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Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do


read more
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Dad, why there are broken condoms on the sofa?

FYI, They have names....

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