Snake

Jokes

Did you hear about that snake with a marijuana problem?

it was a real Cottonmouth

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Why couldn't the snake charmer charm his snake?

He had a reptile dysfunction

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A lamb, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff

The lamb and snake died and the drum shattered.

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A lamb, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.

*baa-dum-tssssssssss*

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Snake-headed raccoon

A man goes to the hardware store, and says he needs an animal with the head of a snake and the body of a raccoon. The store keeper asks him what the heck he needs a snake-headed raccoon for. The man explains that his yard is full of leaves, and needs tidying. The store keeper asks the man how such an abomination of nature could possibly help him clean up his yard. The man replies: "Well an an


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What is it called when a Snake cant change its outer skin anymore?

A reptile dysfunction.

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I got bit by a snake

I had to slide down from 99 to 42

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What does the longest snake in the world say?

"?????????..."

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What did the German snake say?

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What did the stuttering White Snake superfan say as he began to quiz the cast of Jesus Christ Superstar on horse racing?

Here I go..

Here I go..

Here I go again..

What's the Preakness, Ben?

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What do you call a snake that walks into the government?

A civil Serpent

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A little girl walk into a pet shop

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Baby snake asks his mom

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What do you get when you cross a cow and a snake?

A moose.

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Snake is 95 neck

but only 80% nake'd

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A snake walks into a bar

The bartender asks: "How did you do that?"

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I caught a 3.14 meter snake the other day...

It was a π-thon.

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What am I?

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.”Oh, my,” said the bunny, &


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What do a call a 3.14 metre long snake?

A pithon.

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What do you get when an hedgehog and a Snake make a child

Barbed wire

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German snake

“Do German snakes go ßßßßßßßßßßßßßßßß?”
“Ja.”

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I hooked up with a very promiscuous native American.

I think I now understand why they call him "fire snake"

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A couple of friends were traveling via wagon towards the next town over

Roy, Teri, Pete and Pete's brother were heading into a nearby town on a beautiful Friday afternoon on the 1st of May, 1846 to deliver some gear.

Each of them had been drinking quite a bit since they started their journey since they brought a ton of booze on the trip, but Pete's brother was definitely the drunkest of the bunch.

Pete's brother turned to Roy a


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During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.

He described a typical day this way:


"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills.
I took a few 'leaks' behind


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What do you call a snake that's 3.14 metres long

A Pi-Thon

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A couple of friends were traveling via wagon towards the next town over

Roy, Teri, Pete and Pete's brother were heading into a nearby town on a beautiful Friday afternoon on the 1st of May, 1846 to deliver some gear.

Each of them had been drinking quite a bit since they started their journey since they brought a ton of booze on the trip, but Pete's brother was definitely the drunkest of the bunch.

Pete's brother turned to Roy a


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I found a snake in my house and flushed him down the toilet...

I hope that doesn't come back to bite me in the ass.

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Disney Toy Story vs R Rated Toy Story

Disney Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my boot"

R Rated Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my booty"

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Disney Toy Story vs R rated Toy Story

Disney Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my boot"

R Rated Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my booty"

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This is the story of Nate the Snake and John.

There once was a man named John. John has three kids named Carl, Sally, and Paul. John also has a wife named Suzan. Unfortunately, Suzan, Carl, Sally, and Paul don’t like John very much. John also has no friends. John is a very lonely man. He does have this one thing going for him though, he is SUPER rich. John is absolutely loaded. He has so much money he doesn’t have to work and is s


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A man was offroading in the desert.

He was driving over the dunes and past the shrubs and bushes that dotted the landscape, when a sandstorm started blowing over. He figured he'd be fine, but the sand made his engine lock up.

After it had passed, he went out in search for help. The storm disoriented him and blew away his car tracks. He figured he couldn't be that far from any town, so he started walking.


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Why would the world have been a better place if Adam And Eve had been Chinese?

Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.

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What does Solid Snake sing when he gets drunk and horny during 80s Karaoke Night?

“...Cum on Mei Ling~”

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What kind of snake would become an architect?

A boa constructor.

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A man walks into a deli

A man walks into a deli with his pet snake. The cashier looks at him, shocked.

She says, “Wow! What kind if snake is that? It’s beautiful!” The man replies, with pride, “It’s an anaconda, straight from Bolivia!”

The cashier begins the mans order. “What can I get you?”, she asks.

“Actually, I’m orderi


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You see a man walking down the street with something swaying back and forth. He says it's his one-eyed snake.

He then added it's my LONG penis, duh.

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What did the poisonous snake say to the man just after it bit him

Fangs for the memory

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A snake slithered into a bar

"sorry" said the bartender, "we don't serve lawyers here"

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Last words of a highly poisonous snake?

Drat, I bit myself on the tongue!

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What do you call a 3.14cm long snake?

A worm

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What do you call a 3.14 centimetre snake?

Your penis.

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What do you call a 3.14 inch long snake?

A π-thon

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A Spanish man saw a snake and was very frightened.

_Hiss._

Panic!

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How do you call a LGBT snake?

A gender noodle

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What do you call it when an old snake cant get a boner?

A reptile dysfunction

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Attila's Legend.

There is a little known legend about Attila the hun.
It goes like this...Attila was known to be very fond of dangerous wild animals. He used to collect all these exotic animals that he came across in his conquests. His favorite was a big ferocious snake. He was so fond of it that he used to bring it with him everywhere. But his snake lost its appetite perhaps due to stress the frequent trave


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I am the hottest anti-vaxxer.

I'm starting to have a fever. I'll go get the healing crystals and snake oil.

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Fish : Hey Snake, why don't you eat fish

Snake: Because they're thorny

Fish: Then wear shoes

Snake: I don't have any legs

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Why cant you trust anything a snake says?

They’re only tales

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What do you call a 3.14m snake?

A π-thon.

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