Slim

Jokes

Jason is driving when he sees a hitch hiker on the side of the road.

The man looks a bit rough, but Jason pulls over and lets him in.

After driving for a few minutes, the hitch hiker asks, "Hey, aren't you worried that I might be a serial killer?"

Jason chuckles lightly and replies, "The odds of two serial killers being in the same car are very slim."


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Three reasons to stand up:

1) To get the remote.

2) To go to the bathroom.

3) Because you're the real Slim Shady.

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Why did Mr.Bean cross the road?

To slim down on the fast food

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When a slim married man buys a bra, it's probably for his wife. But, when an obese guy buys a bra....

It's probably for himself

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An actress tried to slim down too fast.

She diet.

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Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Emine


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Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The thir


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I might not be Eminem

But I'm real slim, and shady

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I like my women like I like my laptops.

Slim, fast, smart and virus free.

P.S I don't mean to offend anyone. I can't help it, my standards are just too high.

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What do you call a compact parking spot next to a tree?

Slim Shady

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Did you hear about Eminems great eats hits album...

It’s Slim gems.

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What do you call a palm tree that wants to be a rapper?

Slim Shady.

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Who's the rapper with the longest name?

What my name is who my name is Slim Shady Hi My name is huh My name is what My name is Slim Shady Hi My name is what Excuse me, my name is who My name is Slim Shady Can I get the attention of the class huh my name is, what my name is For one second My name is My name is Slim Shady Hi kids Do you like violence Yeah yeah yeah Wanna see me stick Nine inch Nails, through each one of my eyelids Uh-huh


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Three tampons are walking down the street. One super large, one standard and one ultra slim. Which one stops to say hello first?

None. They're all stuck up cunts

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What did Dr. Dre say?

Nothing, you idiots!
(*Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha!) Feminist women love Eminem "Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you know-what Flippin' the you-know-who, " "Yeah, but he's so cute though." Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose


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What did Dr. Dee Say?

Nothin ya idiots!
(*Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (ha ha!) Feminist women love Eminem "Chicka, chicka, chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what Flippin' the you-know-who, " "Yeah, but he's so cute though." Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no w


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Why did the imam start a weight loss program?

He wanted people to be “more slim”.

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Two black holes are jogging in space.

One says "You should slim down to get more attractive."

"Are you dense?" replies the other.

​

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What would happen if Eminem lost weight and started doing questionable things?

He'd be the real Slim Shady.

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"Slim chance" and "fat chance" mean the same thing, but

when I put "slim" on my dating profile, I get accused of catfishing.

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Its ya boy, skinny penis

Is what i told my slim dicked ex after i had his baby

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John was a huge buff baseball player and left his balls out one day. Slim Jim (as his friends called him) came by and saw them and decided to take them

This made John extremely pissed off because no one just grabs johns balls like that, boy does jim have balls

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What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady

but you would never know because he can't stand up?´╗┐

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What does a slim feminist without body hair have that other feminists don't have?

Cancer

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What is Ramadan good for?

To get Mu-slim.

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We used to say to be a good Nazi

You had to be as slim as Goering, as tall as Goebbels, and as blonde as Hitler.

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An old, blind cowboy wakes up on his 90th birthday ...

And just like every birthday for the past 70 years, he saddles up his old mare, points her toward town, and rides off to get a beer at Slim's Watering Hole.

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Unfortunately, Slim was also getting up there in years and passed away a few months before, leaving the bar to his granddaughter who immediately changed the name to Sally's Women Only Motorc


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Notches on phones are like fat people trying to fit into slim jeans.

It barely fits and it just doesn't look good.

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Never play 22, 18, 11, 4, 6, and 1 in the lotto

The odds are too slim

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Eminem in MMLP(2000) - Slim Shady doesnt give a fuck about what you think

Eminem in Kamikaze(2018) - “Well fuck you if you think I’m irrelevant. IM NOT OK.”

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What did Slim Shady ask the class on his first day of teaching at music school?

"Hi kids, do you like violins?"

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Slim walks into his local post office and notices a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA

"Gosh!" he says, "If only that job was in Texas, I'd take it!"

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Eminem was asked what the chances were of him playing some old tracks on his latest tour.

He said it was pretty slim.

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If Eminem lost weight and started wearing sunglasses...

he'd be The Real Slim Shady

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Ramadan.

Putting the slim back into Muslim.

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Happy Ramadan!

Putting the "slim" back in "Muslim"!

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Wanna become slim?

Try meth, you lose weight one tooth at a time

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Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label read


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Two men!

Two men bump each other unconsciously at the supermarket and one of them says:

“I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you there because I can’t find my wife”

“Oh, really? I’m searching for my wife as well!”

“Oh, tell me how does your wife looks like to see if I can help you out”

“Well, she is


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This is a story about the girl that didn't know what cursing was. NSFW

It was Thanksgiving evening and the young girl was sleeping in her bedroom and she heard her parents having sex in the next bedroom over. She hears the dad say, "oh honey I love your luscious tits" and she hears the mom say, "oh baby I love your slim dick". So the next morning, the daughter walks up to the dad and says, "Hey dad, what are luscious tits?" the dad panic


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What do you call a cow that goes to the gym?

a Moo-slim

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What do you call a cow that believes in Allah?

a Moo-slim

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Secret of Grandpa

Secret of Grandpa
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go ou


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My weight loss program

A year ago I was 20lbs overweight, now I'm slim and so svelte. You know what's my secret?








Moving to England and having to eat English food.


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Eminem had a tree growing in his yard....

....it was rumored that if you plant one of the branches of this tree, it will grow another similar tree with a massive canopy of its own. Knowing this, Eminem planted one of the branches that had fallen from this tree. Sadly, it only grew to be a lil' slim shady.

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What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady...

[deleted]

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I saw a slim white guy in a dark alley that was so shady but funny...

..so funny and shady in fact, that if you saw him in a room full of ready to laugh people sitting down, he'd stand up.

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NSFR: Two tampons are walking down the street towards you. One is a Super and the other is a Slim. Which one says "Hi" first?

Neither one...they're both stuck up cunts.

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I hope Fatboy Slim dies on the Hollywood boulevard

halfway between the gutter and the stars.

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Eminem must have the most annoying voicemail ever....

Eminem must have the most annoying voice mail ever:

Slim: Hi!

Me: Hey, dude just calling to-

Slim: MY NAME IS WHAT?!

Me: Dammit, not again-

Slim: MY NAME IS WHO?!

Me: OMFG!

Slim: MY NAME IS SLIM SHADY

Me: Every damn time.....

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