Slice

Jokes

How many children does it take to wallpaper a room?

Depends how thinly you slice them.

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A hotdog connoisseur from Texas has a slice of bread every morning.

He likes his wieners on some Texas toast.

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How many babies does it take to reshingle a roof?

Depends how thin you slice them.

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A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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How much do you pay that black man in those overalls?

Nothing. He's grateful I gave him a slice of bread for breakfast.

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Two men were lost in the desert.

As they wandered, desperately looking for food and water they spot a tree and head towards it. As they get closer they can't believe their eyes, every branch of the tree has bacon slices hanging off it. One of them breaks into a run and grabs a slice, but before he can eat it, out of nowhere a volley of arrows hits him in the chest. He stumbles backwards and falls down bleeding to death just


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Like how when people in France use their thumb when starting to count on their hand, us Americas start on our third finger.

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Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

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How do you feed 5000 people with one slice of bread?

Cut the ends and you will have endless bread

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On one side of a male rat's cage there was a smoking hot female rat and on the other side a pizza slice...

In a psychology class, a professor placed a smoking hot female rat on one side of a male rat's cage and a pizza slice on the other side. The male rat ran towards the pizza.

Then, the professor replaced pizza with cake. The male rat ran towards the cake.

The experiment went on for a while. Male rat ran towards the food irrespective of what food was placed and it never


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On one side of a male rat's cage there was a smoking hot female rat and on the other side a pizza slice...

In a psychology class, a professor placed a smoking hot female rat on one side of a male rat's cage and a pizza slice on the other side. The male rat ran towards the pizza.

Then, the professor replaced pizza with cake. The male rat ran towards the cake.

The experiment went on for a while. Male rat ran towards the food irrespective of what food was placed and it neve


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What did one slice of Baurenbrot say to the other?

“Gluten tag!”

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A slice of pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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Best thing since slice bread is..

Crustless bread?

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I don't usually put an orange slice in my beer

[deleted]

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Have you heard of Murphy's Law?

Have you heard of Murphy's Law

-Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong

-What's about Cole's law?

-No

-It's a thin-slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream

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A pizza slice walks into a bar asking for a drink

The bartender says:
"Sorry, we don't serve food here"

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Complaints

I'm getting totally fucking fed up with people complaining about the price of things. £1.25 for a cup of tea. £1.75 for a coffee. £2 for a slice of cake. £2.50 for car parking. Any more complaints and I will just stop inviting my friends around my house

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A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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Trying to hook my friend up with a girl I know.

Not sure if this belongs here. But I tried to hook my friend up with a girl I knew from back home we are in the military so I figured he didnt have the pressure of meeting here he could get to know her then arrange a trip so I am on face time with her you know saying he is the best thing since slice bread. He said let me talk to her and break the awkwardness when you first meet. He says and I quot


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Im getting totally fed up with people whinging about the prices of things.

£1.25 for a Tea, £1.75 for a Coffee, £2 for a slice of cake and £2.50 for car parking.

Any more complaints and I will stop inviting people round to my house.

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If you had a slice of bread for every existing gender

You would have enough bread to make only one sandwich.

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If I had a slice of bread for every gender...

...I could make a sandwich - or maybe a Big Mac? Shit, I don't even know, I might be able to make some toast for every homeless person. Actually, you know what? I'm drowning in this fuckin' rotten bread. Alert the seagulls, I'll be at the beach!

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What do you call a depressed Kardashians with a Bowie knife?

Kimbo Slice

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That first slice of bread in the loaf is a lot like Lindsay Lohan

Everybody touches it, but nobody really wants it.

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Why didnt anyone like the slice of bread?

He took memes from breddit and posted it to instacrumb

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What the difference between a pizza and a tinder hookup?

You slice up the pizza before you enjoy it, not after.

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If a peraon asks me "how long would it take you to eat a pie slice?"

"It would probably take me up to 3.14 seconds"

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In jamacia a slice of apple pie costs 2.99

In Costa Rica a slice of apple pie costs £3.85

These are the pie rates of the Carribbean

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A slice of apple pie is 2.50 in Jamaica and 3 in the Bahamas

Those are the pie rates of the caribbean

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Too Much Information

"Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?"
"No sir, it's Google's Pizza."


"Did I dial the wrong number?
"No sir, Google bought the pizza store."


"Oh, alright then. I’d like to place an order please."
"Okay sir, do you want the usual?"


"The


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Gayle King shouldve ended the interview by throwing a slice of cheese at R. Kellys face.

Say cheese!

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A slice of Apple Pie is $2.50 in Jamaica, $2.75 in Aruba and $3.00 in the Bahamas.

Those are the the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean

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I told my wife I wanted her to wear an old- fashioned Halloween costume this year

She filled herself up with whiskey, bitters, and sugar, and topped herself off with an orange slice and cherry.

I ended up going as the "stiff" part of our couples' costume.

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An old man is lying on his deathbed

An old man is lying on his deathbed, when he smells the delicious aroma of freshly baked apple pie. He calls over his grandson and whispers, "Boy, go ask your grandma for a slice of that pie."


The boy scampers off and returns a minute later, replying, "Grandma says no, it's for after the funeral."


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If I have two pieces of bread and a slice of ham...

...let's get back to Rampart.

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I ate A slice of cheese Today

It Was a Gouda Slice of Cheese

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An elderly lady is being served at the cold buffet, and the hostess asks "Would you care for a slice of cold pressed tongue?"

And the dear old lady replies, with a delicate shudder, "Oh no, I couldn't eat something like that, not from an animal's mouth...

"couldn't I just have an egg, please?"

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What does an introvert put on their sandwich

A single slice of provalone cheese.

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I've decided to start a pie delivery service from my car.

Apple pie is $3.75 / slice, cherry is $4.25, and banana cream pie is $4.75. Those are the pie rates of the car-I-be-in.

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There, did I manage to ruin both jokes?

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How does a slice of bread feel when its surrounded by warm blankets?

Toasty

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Did you know communist countries have the best bakers in the world?

People will line up for miles just to get a slice of their bread.

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Did you know communist countries have the best bakers in the world?

People will line up for miles just to get a slice of their bread.

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Did you know communist countries have the best bakers in the world?

People will line up for miles just to get a slice of their bread.

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A slice of Apple Pie is $2.50 in Jamaica, $2.75 in Aruba and $3.00 in the Bahamas

Those are the the pie rates of the Caribbean

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An old man was staying in a hotel and went for breakfast at the restaurant.

The waiter asked him what he’d like for breakfast and the old man replies:

“I want porridge but it must be lumpy and under cooked, then I want some bacon , eggs and toast but the bacon must be burnt to a crisp, the eggs must be runny and snotty and the toast I want 1 slice very soggy and the other slice must be burnt so bad that it would unfit for human consumption. Oh and


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The slice of beef was asked, "What was the key to your success at the Jerky Olympics?"

"Total desiccation."

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My Uncle Jack is hosting an orgasm contest and the reward is a slice of pie.

It's first come first serve.

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