A Homeless Vampire is sifting through the garbage when he hears a helicopter land right behind him. Out comes out this well dressed and rich looking Vampire.
HV: Hey man that's a nice ride you got there. Where you heading to?
RV: I have a date with prettiest vampire of this century. Came to the blood bank to withdrawal a few pints of their finest blood.
My parents are gone for the weekend so I was in charge of cleaning up after my dogs and sifting through the litter box...
To say the least, I’m done with their shit
2 cannibals sifting through a funeral pyre looking for any remains.
One of them finds a foot, and asks
" jackpot! do you want some."
The other one shouts back
"I'm Blacktoes intolerant"
Sifting through new reddit posts is like crawling through a recycling bin.
JUNIOR DETECTIVE AT CRIME SCENE
JUNIOR DETECTIVE AT CRIME SCENE, SIFTING THROUGH THE EVIDENCE: Looks like he had a criminal record, sir.
SENIOR DETECTIVE: A criminal record?
JUNIOR DETECTIVE: Yes, sir. [PRODUCES JUSTIN BIEBER CD FROM BEHIND SOFA]