If your friend makes you feel sick, they're probably toxic.

If they give you a tingly feeling, they're probably radioactive.

A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.

"Are my other relatives also here?"

And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."

The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

Get well soon

😜While meeting a sick person..
American says : "Get well soon".
Britisher says : Wishing you a speedy recovery"
INDIAN'S say : Recently one of my relatives expired due to the same illness"😜😜

What's a sick persons favourite rhythm game?

Catarrh Hero

A guy with leprosy walks into a bar.

he sits down next to a man and order a beer. a few minutes pass and the guy next to the leper vomits all over the bar. the leper, being used to it, moves to the other end of the bar.

a few minutes later, the guy vomits again. the leper is still unfazed.

after the leper orders his second beer, the guy pukes again. finally the leper says to the guy "fuck it, i'll

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A cannibal is...

the only person, that if they get sick, they'll poop their and your brains out at the same time.

3 men go to a bug farm

3 men get drunk one night and break into a Bug Farm. They start smashing away at the signs and windows, before each settling on an enclosure to destroy, killing every insect they find there.

The beam from a flashlight illuminates them all mid-destruction, and an enormous security guard apprehends them. He sits them down in his office.

"For this awful thing you have d

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When ants are sick

Me: Hey dude wanna hear a joke?

Friend: Sure whats it about?

Me: Ants. So...What do ants take when they are sick?

Friend: Uhh...what?

Me: ANTibiotics.

A Doctor fell into a well.

It really is his own fault. He should have attended to the sick and left the well alone.

A guy walks in to a brothel and puts $1000 down on the table. He then says to the madame "I want your ugliest girl and macaroni and cheese."

The madame replies "for that kind of money, you can have one of our finest girls and a three course gourmet meal." The guy replies "Sorry honey, I'm not horny, just home sick."

What is it called when a sick wookie loses all its hair?

Wookemia

I've had bad luck with European women

Ginger Vitis -- such bad breath

Anna Phalaxis -- kept fainting

Anne Gina -- broken heart (her brother-in-law Arthur Itis was such a pain)

Di Abetes -- too sugary sweet

Pam Creatis -- made me sick to my stomach

Lauren Gitis -- too quiet

Rose Acea -- A bit rash for me

Scarlet Feva -- you do this one

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There are 11 types of people in this world...

1 those who understand binary
2 those who don't
3 those who are sick of hearing this joke



6 those who don't data overruns

A man phones his work and says

"Sorry I cant come in today, I'm sick"

His boss asks "How sick are you?"

"Well" , the man replies, "you be the judge. I'm in bed with my sister"

How many shitty obnoxious youtubers does it take to change a lightbulb?

You won't find out, at least in the next 10 minutes ald 5 seconds but who cares when there's such a SICK DEAL at dollar shave club? Now SUBSCRIBE AND SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON!

Where Do Boats Go When They Are Sick

The Doc

Where did the boat go when it got sick?

The Doc(k)

A man doesn't feel well and wants to call-in sick to work...

So he phones his boss and explains that he wants to take a sick day.

"Well," says the boss, "when I'm feeling under the weather I just ask my wife to give me a blowjob. Usually perks me right up! Why don't you try that?"

"Ok, I guess it's worth a shot" says the man.

About an hour later the man arrives to work looki

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My cat is sick, and I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get him help.

No matter how many gynecologists I call, none of them will treat my pussy.

What do you call the power plant of a cell that always thinks it's sick?

A mitochondriac

How come anteaters never get sick?

They are full of anty bodies

And so sick Jesus did lay his hands upon the physicians head and the assistant did say to Jesus

The Doctor will see you now.

Im sick of all these Mexican and black jokes

I called work and said I am sick

A rude woman goes into McDonalds

You hear ants can't get sick?

They have all those tiny anty bodies.

My meth buddy from the office was sick for a few days. When he came back...

... I had to bring him up to speed.

What's Black And Thin

Hair U Sick Fuck .

Why dont ants get sick?

Because they have antibodies!

Did you hear about the chronic masturbator who took a sick day?

He wasn't feeling himself.

Im honestly sick and tired of people asking me what would i be doing in 139 days

like as if I have 2020 vision.

Chinese worker: "Me not come to work, me sick."

Boss: "When I'm sick I have sex with my wife, try it."

Chinese calls back: "It worked. Me better. You got nice house!"

My girlfriend says she's sick off me pretending to be a detective, she says we should split up.

Good idea, we can cover more ground that way

If your boat gets sick, I know a great dock.

It's pier-reviewed.

I got my girlfriend a get better soon card....

She's not sick or anything, I just think she could be better.

I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream.

Mixed races make me sick

I swear, that labradoodle doesn't taste like noodle...

What do you call Chewbacca when he gets sick?

Achoo-bacca

I went to the doctor the other day...

...he was sick.

No porn movie has as twisted and sick scenario

I've been diagnosed with sick sexual fantasies and today I read that Trump comes to El Paso.

Who's the one with sick sexual fantasies now?

My family is getting sick of hearing my jokes

So now instead I say, you gotta hear this joke by Hannibal Buress, then I just give them a joke by Influencedbyyou. It usually ends with them asking if Hannibal is doing alright.

I just bought my wife a get better soon card...

Me: Boss, I am not coming into work today because I am sick.

Boss: How sick are you?


Me: Well, I am in bed with my sister.

I'm sick of these goddamn racists and their glowing swastika tattoos.

Damned Neon-Nazis.

Watch out for bars that serve specialty drinks!

I used to go to this one where they made something called the hurricaine, I got wasted, next day I go back, bartender says, should I set you up with the same?

I was like nooo, I was up all night blowing chunks!

Bartender says oh wow they made you sick huh?

And I said...No...Chunks is my dog!

First a White Man, then another White Man, then another White Man, then a Lion, then another White Man, then an Bald Eagle, then another White Man, and now another White Man

I’m so sick of being reincarnated.

#theSTRUGGLEisREAL

I'm sick of my wife treating me like a piece of meat

Especially since she's vegan

I'm sick of the violent society today.

For example, a complete stranger came up to me and said "Hey mate, do you want decking?". Thankfully I'm pretty handy myself and I smacked him one first, but it shouldn't have been necessary.

Also I'm now barred from the garden centre.

What do cows do when they're ill?

Listen to Moo-sick.