Shout

Jokes

Shout out to my grandma!

That's the only way she can hear.

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A Toad Walks Into A Bar.....

Three women shout with excitement, run over to him, shower him with kisses and leave. "What was that all about?" a man asked the bartender. The bartender replied, "He's a little Horny."

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Aunt Jemima

This is the story behind the woman featured in the popular pancake mixes and syrups

Long ago, there was a very busy dark-skinned nanny who worked for the Quaker Oats family. She cooked their meals, cleaned their clothes, and spent far more time looking after the children than their actual parents. But when they occassionally called her 'mama', she would always shout '


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Bob Barker has died

He got hit by A BRAND NEW CAR!!!


In all seriousness, I love Bob, but a drunk patient (shout-out to Fredrick the drunk) told me that last night and I rolled.

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I recall the time years ago when my friend and I went on our secret spy mission. Like any other highly trained operatives, we were tasked with infiltrating the local mattress store.

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The president...

The president is walking out of the White House and heading towards his limo when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agent's supervisors takes him aside and ask, "what in the hell made you shout 'Mickey Mouse?


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I recall the time years ago when my friend and I went on our secret spy mission. Like any other highly trained operatives, we were tasked with infiltrating the local mattress store.

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Shout out to my student loans

for being the only one from college keeping in touch

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The 80s, an American and a Russian are arguing about which country has more freedom.

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The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A90 near Stonehaven recently,

Initially there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint resid


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Science jokes

Man: Help!

Officer: What is the problem?

Man: He's throwing sodium chloride at me!

Officer: Why does that provoke a shout for help?

Man: Because it's a salt!!!!

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Documentation !

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Why are the french so loud in bed?

Because as kids when they were having fun they were always told to shout Wheeeeee!!!!

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What did Johnny Depp shout when he chopped down the expressionist tree?

TIMMMM--BERRRRRR--TON !

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President Trump is walking out of the white house heading towards his limo

when an assassin steps forward and aims a gun.
A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts 'Mickey Mouse!'
This startles the would-be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent's supervisor takes him aside and asks, 'What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?'
Blushing, the agent replies, 'I got nervous. I meant to shout


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Steel wool is a rarity

Shout to all the sheep in Pittsburgh that made it possible.

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Shout out to people who dont know what the opposite of in is

^(Ignore this part im only writing this part so my post wont get deleted)

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Shout out to my grandma!

Because she can’t too well.

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You are the director of a movie.

Your uncle is the scriptwriter, your cousin is the costume designer, your best friend is the makeup artist and your sister is an actor.

3 hours later, your uncle comes out of nowhere and says "I've finished writing the script!" After that, your cousin comes out of nowhere and says "I've done all the costumes!" You notice that your sister and best friend a


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This is my favourite joke I made, I hope no-one else has thought about it

Q. How do you get an old English woman to say "f**k"


A. Get someone else to shout "bingo!"


Some will get it, some will be offended. Not won't get it

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How to get free rent with this one weird trick...

Free rent for life can be yours just by doing this one simple thing!


I know it sounds crazy, I didn’t believe it at first either, but my friend Zac tried it and it really worked!

You only have to do this thing once and you’ll never pay rent ever again!


Best part? I mean beside the free rent? You don’t even need to get out of


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Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?

You shout, “I’m betting on the dude with the knife!”

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There's once a Mexican drug lord who can escape any jail on the count of three. He would just shout "uno", "dos" and

He disappeared without a tres.

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Three men find a magical well guarded by a sorcerer.

Three men find a magical well guarded by a sorcerer. The sorcerer says they can jump down the well and whatever they shout as they descend will appear at the bottom.

The first man jumps and shouts “gold!”

The second man jumps and shouts “silver!”

The third man jumps and shouts “weeeeeee!”


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Shout out to those who dont know the opposite of in.

They need the help.

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Shout out to the person who doesn't know the opposite of in!

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What did a freaky Peter shout when he needed spices to rub his meat...

NUT, MEGGG

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What did freaky Peter shout when he needed something to put in his porridge

NUT, MEGGG!!

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Paddy and his camel

Paddy walks into a police station and reports his camel has been stolen.

The policeman says "how many humps does it have? "

Paddy replied "I can't really remember, one or two?"

The police man goes "well what colour was it, light or dark brown?"

Paddy replied "i cant really remember?"

The p


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My wife and the hooker...

My wife of 5 years had put on just a little bit of weight recently and I wanted to encourage her to become fitter. I took up jogging hoping she’d join me on my runs but she didn’t take to it immediately. Nevertheless, I continued doing it every evening and like clockwork,I would run past this extremely attractive hooker on the same street corner that would shout “ $100 to make yo


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How would you get the attention of the cute Air Stewardess?

Shout “I have a bomb”

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Blackwall Tunnel has been closed and why the speed limit has been reduced:


The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the Blackwall Tunnel approach recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that v


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Shout out to the people...

who want to know the opposite of ‘in’.

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Finally, a good Trump joke.

The president is walking out of his White House and heading towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout ‘Mickey Mouse’?&r


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Shout out

To anyone asking you for the opposite of in

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New Secret Service policy

So, the Secret Service has a new policy regarding the President's safety. Every time the president is in danger, they must shout "Donald, duck!"

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Two translators are in a sinking ship

The first says, "do you know how to swim?"

The second says: "no but I can shout for help in 90 languages"

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Shout out to my GPS!

I don't know where I'd be without it.

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A young man joins the army. On the first day of basic training, they tell the recruits:

"Due to budget cuts, we don't have money for rifles. Therefore, you will point this stick at the target and shout 'BANGETY-BANG!'"

So that's what they do all day. BANGETY-BANG! BANGETY-BANG!

The next day they tell the recruits: "We don't have money for bayonets either. We want you to tape these plastic forks to the end of your s


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Id like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks out there...

...for keeping me off the streets.

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Id like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks out there...

...for keeping me off the streets.

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Id like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks out there...

...for keeping me off the streets.

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Alluah Akbar

If I ever get a dog, I’m going to call him “Alluah Akbar”.

Just to see the reactions when I shout his name in the park.

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An American and a Russian are arguing about which country has more freedom.

The American says, “I can walk right up to the White House and shout 'Down with Donald Trump!' and nothing bad will happen to me.”

The Russian replies, “Guess what? I can walk in front of Kremlin and shout 'Down with Donald Trump!' and nothing will happen to me either.”


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An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
The next morning th


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Shout out to my butthole...

for dealing with my shit everyday.

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How do you break a fight between 2 blind guys?

You shout "I bet on the guy with the knife!".

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Crows arent so smart after all

The South Carolina Dept of Transportation found over 200 dead crows on highways recently, and there was a concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of


read more
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Two translators are trapped on a sinking boat...

One asks the other “Do you know how to swim?” The other one says “No but I can shout for help in 99 languages”






...

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Three old men are in a bar, drinking.

After a few drinks, two of them see the third pissed his pants.

They shout at him: “What happened? Why didn’t you go to the bathroom?”

“Last night he didn’t get up for me, today I’m not getting up for him.”

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