Sexy

Jokes

If being sexy is a crime

Then I'm a law abiding citizen.

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I tribute my own videos on pornhub to make myself look sexy. Ba Ba Boom.

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I gave a sexy homeless man a house the other day.

No Hobo

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What did the sexy chicken say to the sexy cow?

Boom-chica-brown-cow

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What do you call a sexy skunk?

~~A skank~~ Over for dinner.

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If being sexy is a crime...

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The judge asked me "how does 5-10 years sound?"

I probably shouldnt have replied with "sexy"

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What's the 1 cause of Paedophilia in the world right now?

Sexy kids

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Why are men sexier than women?

You can't spell sexy without xy.

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If being sexy is a crime ,

Then I am a law abiding citizen .

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Sexy and I know it.... And now so do you!

Don't really want to brag too much about it, but I am so sexy that even my towel gets wet when I step out of the shower!

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If being sexy was a crime...

I'd have a clean slate.

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What did the sexy brown chicken say to the sexy brown cow?

"Brown chicken brown cow!"

If you don't get it, try saying it out loud in a sing-song voice.

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My Grilfriend is like a pornstar

She's so sexy, I could see her being on the front page of pornhub.

She has hourglass curves, the most perfect boobs you've ever seen,

and to top it off she's my step-sister!

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There was a costume competition between role-players and people who just wanted to dress sexy.

It was surprisingly larpsided.

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So, umm... Anyone willing to put on a sexy fox outfit and do a little anal?

Ass-king furry friend.

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To A Bridge?

No shit I once spent 3 days in a mental institution because of a rumor that I jacked off to a fucking bridge. Our oldest homie had gotten his driver's license so he was the only one with a car, car was full of people when they came to pick me up, meh hopped in the trunk. When they opened the trunk there was hospital security. 3 days later I was back at the same bridge. Not because it was sexy


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I was kissing this girl and things were getting super sexy.

I said, "I forgot to buy condoms earlier. Fuck!"

She said, "Well, I haven't got one on me."

I said, "That's because you don't have a penis."

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My local theater was putting on a group of XXX roman plays. I thought it sounded sexy so I decided to go.

It was thirty plays

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The wife was trying to be sexy tonight, lay on the bed, licking a lollipop and sliding it in and out of her fanny.

Steady on I said, you'll need that on Monday to get the kids across the road.

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Me: I'm too sexy for myself!

Mirror: Yeah... that's hot!

Windows: sup dude!

Girls: He's so sexy, look at him... *(Giggles)*

Selfie camera: Wassup you fugly piece of shit!

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Gamer Sexy Chat:

Her: *How hard are you, right now?*

Me: *NINTENDO*

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What did the sexy brown chicken say to the sexy brown cow?

brown-chicka-brown-cow!!

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My sisters friends are so hot!

So my sister had a sleepover yesterday and i can't lie her friends were super sexy. The shape of their bodies! I couldn't stop drooling.


Anyway would you look at the time i should be collecting my sister from daycare right anout now.

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I will continue to be eternally grateful to Justin Timberlake for bringing sexy back

Everybody is still pretty mad at me for making it go away in the first place

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.

so I noticed my wife had her sexy underwear on this can only mean one thing, shes behind on the fucking washing again

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My girlfriend says that Adams apples are sexy

But hers is a real turn off for me

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I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai girl.

I thought to myself, ''please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection.''

But she did.

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Whats the deal with Vampires these days?

Since when did blood sucking become so sexy?

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A biker walks into a bar and sits down on a bar stool near the end of the bar.

He takes a look at the menu and it reads as follows:

Hamburger - 2.99

Cheeseburger - 3.99

Chicken Sandwich - 4.99

Hand Jobs - 19.99

The crusty old biker waves the bartender down, and up walks this tall, busty, beautiful redhead in her mid-twenties. She smiles at the biker coyly, and he asks in a quiet voice "Are you the one who


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People say intelligence is sexy...

...then why are there so many dumb motherfuckers walking around?

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A girl is cuddling with her boyfriend watching TV and says...

\-Tell me something sweet.

\- Watermelon.

\-Nooooo, something I'd like.

\-Shoes.

\-Noooo, something sexy.

\-Your sister.

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Subway

I was taking the Subway train due to the fact that it was the fastest way to work. I was going to have a presentation that day and nothing have to ruin it. At the last station where the train picked up the last passangers, a super hot and sexy women from Thailand say infront of me. I was thinking to myself "please dont get a Boner, nothing more can ruin this day" but sadly, she got one.


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God inventing horses

Make a sexy donkey

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Did you know Volcano eruptions are just Earth ejaculating

Probably to that sexy as fuck celestial.body Luna.
Horny bastard.

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A farmer strolls over to visit his neighbor, and finds him dancing, naked, in the barn in front of the farm equipment.

The farmer gasps, "Whoa! What are you doing?!"

His neighbor replies, "Well, me and the wife haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately, and our therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

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A sailor walked into a bar after a long time at sea.

Desperate to get down to business, he walked up to a sexy blonde and asked, “Hey baby, do you like sea men?”

She replied, “I don’t really like the taste.”

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Apparently 3 out of 5 Americans live next to some sort of sexual pervert.

Not me, I live next to a sexy senior citizen with a prosthetic leg!

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I used to think Science and Religion didn't mix, but my Astronomy professor is always talking about how sexy angels are

We even had an entire chapter devoted to Celestial Bodies, and let me tell you, some of them are incredibly hot.

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I jokingly asked my wife if she would consider inviting the neighbours over for some sexy time together

And, she agreed forsome reasons.

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My earth joke

Did you know that volcano eruptions are just earth ejaculating. Probably to that sexy af celestial body Luna. Horny bastard.

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Some guy posted sexy pics of their girlfriend on rmemes

certified bra moment

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My wife surprised me with sexy lingerie.

I should have locked the door.

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Why is it that when girls sit on a guys leg and play with him to get him hard its sexy...

...but when I do it I’m told to “get off Santa’s lap” and “never come back to the mall again”.

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A 18 year old sexy blonde with huge tits and ass wants to have sex with u

That's the joke. No one will ever want to have sex with u lol

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Sexy cop story

So 3 guys were riding down the road and got pulled over by a sexy ass cop. They were in for a hell of a lot of trouble. There tag was out. They had a busted tail light. They didn’t even have insurance. So the cop walks up and says if they can show her 20 inches of dick then she’ll let them go, so they said alright. The first guy whips out his dick, 12 inches. The second guy whips out h


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I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy."

Now I just wait at green lights till I feel better about myself.

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Remember when akon was looking for words to describe this girl without being disrespectful?

And the decided to settle on sexy bitch.

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A teacher asks his students about their dream jobs

All students start shouting and it becomes too much for the teacher.

He then tells them to write about it instead of shouting.

All students start writing except one student.

Teacher: Why didn't you start writing?
Student: Where's the sexy lady? I mean the secretary..

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What's the difference between sexy and kinky?

Using a feather is sexy. Kinky is using the whole damn chicken!

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