Sentence

Jokes

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A raccoon walks into a bar

”One beer, please” the raccoon orders. The bartender is an old stuttering gentleman:

“O-o-ne b-b-eer co-co-ming up pa-pa-nda...”

The raccoon is very annoyed: “Let me just correct that for you right away, I’m actually a raccoon, I am not a panda”

“Y-y-es. O-o-ne be-e-er co-co-ming up p-p-anda...”


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Say addicted out loud after each sentence

What are you if you have too many drugs:


What are you if you have too much alcohol:

What hit you in the face last night:

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you get your period in prison

Is that the end of your sentence?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you think I want to speak a complete sentence to you

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Had a friend with a stutter land himself in prison.

I wonder if he'll ever finish his sentence...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Johnny asked me the other if he could end a sentence with a contraction...

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you have to clarify what something is in another sentence, it's probably not a good thing.

and that's a fact

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

As a Grammar Nazi, it absolutely irritates me when I see anyone ending a sentence with a preposition.

That is just the sort of English up with which I simply cannot put.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If 6ix9ine does his time in prison, will he become the first mumble rapper to finish a sentence?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My wife gets really mad when I tell her that I love u

And continue the sentence with v w x y z.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Rape. Short word.

Long sentence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Most offensive sentence you ever read.



I'm a white male, Christian that goes to work 9-5 Monday through Friday.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The funniest joke I read today...

Is the first sentence of this sub's bio.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I once knew a guy arrested on drug charges, and though he thought he'd get off light, they ended up slapping a bunch of other bogus charges on him, which, added to the fact that his lawyer was one of the worst in the state, eventually led him to being handed a 40 year stint in a max security prison.

That sentence was way too long.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I spent a week straight in prison.

The sentence lasted for a month.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole.

That sentence was way too long.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

What's the difference between AIDS and crossing the Clintons?

AIDS is no longer a death sentence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why did the guy who never uses punctuation go to prison for a long time?

Because he had a long sentence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

The longest sentence possible in English.

Life

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Capitalisation can really change a sentence

Help your Uncle Jack off a horse.

Help your uncle jack off a horse.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do they call it sentence?

what happened to senonece, sentwoce, senthreece, senfource, senfivece, sensixce, sensevence, seneightce, and senninece?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If the Bible was to be summed up in one sentence it would be God created a man and a woman ...

... and then promptly lost control of events.”

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How do you use metaphor in a sentence?

I called up my girlfriend, and metaphor a drink.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A guy with a stutter died in prison

before he could finish his sentence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

My knee is growing.

Condense the above sentence

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Teacher asked little Johnny to use Urinate in a sentence

Little johnny says, "you're and eight, but with bigger tits you'd be a ten!"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man asked me does every sentence I say have to contain a vegetable...

I said not nece-celery

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Caught Crossing

Two men were caught crossing the board. The enforcement agent felt nice that day. He told the gentleman, “ I’ll let you go if you can demonstrate your use of English by using my two favorite things in a sentence. Pink Hostess and Green Jell-o.”

After some thought one says, “I got it.”

When the phone goes Green, Green; I Pink it up and say,


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why can't you read the following sentence at 120 words per minute

Because, adding, commas, can, slow, down, the, speed, a, person, normally, reads, at

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why can't you read the below sentence at 120 words per minutem

Because, you, can, make, people, read, slowly, by, adding, commas

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Political For someone who starts every sentence with look

Joe Biden sure does a lot of touching.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A new student on his first day in Harvard asks a professor, where the library at? The professor replies, don't end a sentence with a preposition.

The student says oh excuse my terrible grammar, let me rephrase that, where the library at biaaatch?

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

They say a man is measured by the strength of his convictions

If that’s true, this life sentence is going to do wonders for my social standing.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why was Henry David Thoreaus 1 day sentence so bad?

Because of inflation, one day back then is like 60 days in jail now.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

TIL some of my fellow teachers deduct points when students forget to start a sentence with a capital

I hate that. I dont believe in capital punishment

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I just had period sex with a woman...

...what a way to end a sentence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

You wanna hear my favourite grammar joke?

Two girls were talking on the phone, making plans for their night. One girl says to the other, "where's the party at?" and the other girls says, "don't end your sentence with a preposition!" So the first girl says, "fine... Where's the party at, Bitch!?"

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A teacher asks her students to use the word beautiful twice in a sentence...

Little Sandy’s hand shoots into the air immediately.

“Go ahead, Sandy.”

“My mother bought a beautiful new dress, and she looks beautiful when she wears it.”

“Very good, Sandy!”

Sandy beams. At that moment another hand is raised in the back of the room. It’s that of Little Johnny, the teacher’s


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Teacher asks Little Billy to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence.

Little Billy replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Billy," To which Billy replies, "Then I have DEFINITELY shit my pants then..."

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Why do women never have periods in prison?

Because a period doesn't come til the end of a sentence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Don't objectify women.

This sentence is a joke cause women here is the object of the sentence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.

They're awaiting their sentence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

A man was found guilty of shoplifting

When asked of his occupation, he replied: 'financial adviser.'

'Sir,' replied the judge, 'it has been quite a long time since I've had a financial adviser before me.'

'Now, as part of your sentence, take this paper and write ''I will not steal'' one million times.'


read more
UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Periods are very important in sentence construction.

Example:

​

Mary had a party in front of her friends.

​

Mary had a period in front of her friends.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

I once knew a guy arrested on drug charges, and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole.

That sentence was way too long.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

Correct this sentence: A man runs by a campsite

It’s “A man *ran* by a campsite” because it’s past tents

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

If you dont think capitalization is important

Try writing this sentence without it - I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE

How can you tell if Google is a female?

It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence.

UPVOTE
DOWNVOTE
LOAD MORE