I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,
but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
A raccoon walks into a bar
”One beer, please” the raccoon orders. The bartender is an old stuttering gentleman:
“O-o-ne b-b-eer co-co-ming up pa-pa-nda...”
The raccoon is very annoyed: “Let me just correct that for you right away, I’m actually a raccoon, I am not a panda”
“Y-y-es. O-o-ne be-e-er co-co-ming up p-p-anda...”
Say addicted out loud after each sentence
What are you if you have too many drugs:
What are you if you have too much alcohol:
What hit you in the face last night:
If you get your period in prison
Is that the end of your sentence?
If you think I want to speak a complete sentence to you
Had a friend with a stutter land himself in prison.
I wonder if he'll ever finish his sentence...
Johnny asked me the other if he could end a sentence with a contraction...
If you have to clarify what something is in another sentence, it's probably not a good thing.
and that's a fact
As a Grammar Nazi, it absolutely irritates me when I see anyone ending a sentence with a preposition.
That is just the sort of English up with which I simply cannot put.
If 6ix9ine does his time in prison, will he become the first mumble rapper to finish a sentence?
My wife gets really mad when I tell her that I love u
And continue the sentence with v w x y z.
Rape. Short word.
Most offensive sentence you ever read.
I'm a white male, Christian that goes to work 9-5 Monday through Friday.
The funniest joke I read today...
Is the first sentence of this sub's bio.
I once knew a guy arrested on drug charges, and though he thought he'd get off light, they ended up slapping a bunch of other bogus charges on him, which, added to the fact that his lawyer was one of the worst in the state, eventually led him to being handed a 40 year stint in a max security prison.
That sentence was way too long.
I spent a week straight in prison.
The sentence lasted for a month.
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole.
That sentence was way too long.
What's the difference between AIDS and crossing the Clintons?
AIDS is no longer a death sentence.
Why did the guy who never uses punctuation go to prison for a long time?
Because he had a long sentence.
The longest sentence possible in English.
Capitalisation can really change a sentence
Help your Uncle Jack off a horse.
Help your uncle jack off a horse.
Why do they call it sentence?
what happened to senonece, sentwoce, senthreece, senfource, senfivece, sensixce, sensevence, seneightce, and senninece?
If the Bible was to be summed up in one sentence it would be God created a man and a woman ...
... and then promptly lost control of events.”
How do you use metaphor in a sentence?
I called up my girlfriend, and metaphor a drink.
A guy with a stutter died in prison
before he could finish his sentence.
My knee is growing.
Condense the above sentence
Teacher asked little Johnny to use Urinate in a sentence
Little johnny says, "you're and eight, but with bigger tits you'd be a ten!"
A man asked me does every sentence I say have to contain a vegetable...
I said not nece-celery
Two men were caught crossing the board. The enforcement agent felt nice that day. He told the gentleman, “ I’ll let you go if you can demonstrate your use of English by using my two favorite things in a sentence. Pink Hostess and Green Jell-o.”
After some thought one says, “I got it.”
When the phone goes Green, Green; I Pink it up and say,
Why can't you read the following sentence at 120 words per minute
Because, adding, commas, can, slow, down, the, speed, a, person, normally, reads, at
Why can't you read the below sentence at 120 words per minutem
Because, you, can, make, people, read, slowly, by, adding, commas
Political For someone who starts every sentence with look
Joe Biden sure does a lot of touching.
A new student on his first day in Harvard asks a professor, where the library at? The professor replies, don't end a sentence with a preposition.
The student says oh excuse my terrible grammar, let me rephrase that, where the library at biaaatch?
They say a man is measured by the strength of his convictions
If that’s true, this life sentence is going to do wonders for my social standing.
Why was Henry David Thoreaus 1 day sentence so bad?
Because of inflation, one day back then is like 60 days in jail now.
TIL some of my fellow teachers deduct points when students forget to start a sentence with a capital
I hate that. I dont believe in capital punishment
I just had period sex with a woman...
...what a way to end a sentence.
You wanna hear my favourite grammar joke?
Two girls were talking on the phone, making plans for their night. One girl says to the other, "where's the party at?" and the other girls says, "don't end your sentence with a preposition!" So the first girl says, "fine... Where's the party at, Bitch!?"
A teacher asks her students to use the word beautiful twice in a sentence...
Little Sandy’s hand shoots into the air immediately.
“Go ahead, Sandy.”
“My mother bought a beautiful new dress, and she looks beautiful when she wears it.”
“Very good, Sandy!”
Sandy beams. At that moment another hand is raised in the back of the room. It’s that of Little Johnny, the teacher’s
Teacher asks Little Billy to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence.
Little Billy replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Billy," To which Billy replies, "Then I have DEFINITELY shit my pants then..."
Why do women never have periods in prison?
Because a period doesn't come til the end of a sentence.
Don't objectify women.
This sentence is a joke cause women here is the object of the sentence.
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.
"My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human
28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court.
They're awaiting their sentence.
A man was found guilty of shoplifting
When asked of his occupation, he replied: 'financial adviser.'
'Sir,' replied the judge, 'it has been quite a long time since I've had a financial adviser before me.'
'Now, as part of your sentence, take this paper and write ''I will not steal'' one million times.'
Periods are very important in sentence construction.
Mary had a party in front of her friends.
Mary had a period in front of her friends.
I once knew a guy arrested on drug charges, and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole.
That sentence was way too long.
Correct this sentence: A man runs by a campsite
It’s “A man *ran* by a campsite” because it’s past tents
If you dont think capitalization is important
Try writing this sentence without it - I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse.
How can you tell if Google is a female?
It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence.