Sell

Jokes

One time some guy on the street tried to sell me a magical pillow case.

Turns out it was just a sham.

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An auctioneer is trying to sell some bibles.

Over here ladies and gentlemen we have a collection of bibles

Let's start the bidding at $20 dollars, can I get $20 dollars anyone?

Twentydollartwentydollar-anybody-twentydollar-somebodyhastohave$20dollars?

Ok people can I get 10 dollars?

Tendollars-can-I-get-tendollars...tendollartendollartendollar?

*deep sigh*

O


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Did you hear about the raffle that a local necrophiliac club was having? They were selling a lot of tickets until the cops shut them down on the grounds that it's illegal to sell parts of a corpse.

Ironically, the police never would have found out about it if the title wasn't "A Dead Giveaway"!

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So I made a business where I sell praying mats that are secretly land mines,

And let me tell ya, the prophets are going through the roof.

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A 17-year-old boy who works part time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of his house in a beautiful Porche

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Why do T-Rexs only sell handguns?

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I dont get why they sell camouflage in stores!

I have never seen anyone where it!

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Dont throw the baby out with the bath water.

Keep the bath water. In this day an age you can sell that shit.

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New policy at work

A 7-11 cashier gets told about a new policy. They were told that people in gold mines and silver mines are not allowed to smoke while on the job. It makes sense, there's no airflow in the mines, so smoking would be bad. The boss confronts the cashier again about the new policy, and the cashier replies "I get it. I can't sell cigarettes to miners."


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A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks.

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A vegan said to me: People who sell meat are gross.

I replied: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

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Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob says,


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A man and his wife walk into a tile and flooring store.

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What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

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A guy walks into a pet store and asks, How much are your bees?

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Odd jobs

John: Hey Peter, long time no see! How are you? What are you doing now?

Peter: Fine, fine. I sell human organs.

John: Dude, what the hell? Don't you have a heart?

Peter: Is that criticism or an order?

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A man takes his horse to the vet.

He says to the vet. "It's the darndest thing. Some days he's the fastest horse I've ever seen and others he's practically lame. What should I do?"

"Wait for a fast day and sell him." The Vet advised.

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Why does a snail never sell its home?

Because once they sell it, it goes into escargot.

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I'm having trouble introducing this mendicant who's trying to sell roses, can you come help me out?

Only you can present florist friars.

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Why are people who work in a fish shop mean?

Their job makes them sell fish.

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A duck waddled into a country grocery store and asked the clerk "Do you sell duck food?".

"Of course not," replied the clerk, "We sell groceries to humans, not ducks."

The next day, the duck returned and asked again, "Do you sell duck food?"

Annoyed, the clerk snapped, "No! No duck food!"

When the duck returned the next day and posed the same question, the clerk threatened, "I've told you this is a


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The Danish government should sell Greenland to Trump

By the time the deal closes, he'll have enough Greenland for a drink

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Ive decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...

It was just collecting dust.

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Donald Trump decided to sell his own brand of trampolines

He decided to name it the Donald Jump.

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A man walked into a bar. He sat down and asked the bar tender "If I impress you, can I have a free drink?". The bar tender said sure, so the man reached in his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. He then pulled out a small rat and set it by the piano. It crawled on to the bench and began playing

music. The bar tender was amazed, so he gave the man a beer. Next, the man said "If I impress you even more, can I have free drinks for life?". The bar tender didn't think it was possible, so he agreed. The man pulled a frog out of his pocket, and it began to sing by the piano. The bar tender smiled and told the man that he was impressed. A man in a suit with a cane walked into the


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A man visited his neighbors yard sale.

He looked around and saw that there was a motorboat he was interested in. "Hey, neighbor, how much do are you asking for the boat?" "Oh... how about 12,000.00? I think my wife is cheating on me and I need the money for a lawyer." "I know a great divorce lawyer. I'll get you a discount if you sell me the boat for 9,000.00." "How about you give 10,000.00 and t


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I told my wife to sell all the vacuums we have,

they are only collecting dust anyways...

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What does a cannibal do after eating a vegetable?

Goes on eBay to see how much the wheelchair could sell for.

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A day trader got a heart attack after noticing he experienced a significant loss on his investment portfolio. He later gained consciousness at the hospital while a nurse was taking his heart rate, and heard her say "your rate is at 60, so you're going to be okay"

He responded, "sell it at 100".

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I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

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As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting

but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer

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Idk if you have heardthis before my friend told me it. So sorry buds

So Jack's father is very poor so he says "Jack go sell this duck in the village" to which jack replied "ok". So Jack went to the village looking for somewhere to sell his duck. He keeps looking until he finds a prostitute. She says "if you give me that duck I can give you a good time" he agrees and gives her the duck. After they finish she says "that was gre


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A man walks into a store to buy cheese.

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?I want to open a pants store called 50 Off!, but the store will exclusively sell shorts at regular retail value.

Fish in a barrel.

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?I want to open a pants store called 50 Off!, but the store will exclusively sell shorts at regular retail value.? ?FishInABarrel?

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A boat salesman is trying to sell a ship to a pirate

he promises the pirate that there's more to the ship than meets the eye.

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I'm always happy when I sell some gold.

It makes me euphauric.

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My barista told me he wants to major in advertising when he goes to college

I thought it was a great idea, it'll help him sell more coffee.

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What type of food would Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge sell if he ever got into the restaurant business?

Humbug-ers.

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Savvy investors know that this is the time of year to invest in companies that sell supplies for school-goers.

This year, look out for companies like Colt, Smith & Wesson, and Ruger!

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My neighbour used to sell Ukranian eggs.

If you don't know what those are, it's when you draw on eggs with wax and then soak them in coloured dyes to create special designs. It's an art form called Pysanky - you should look it up.

He used to sell them out of a little stall in his front garden. I never really saw many people buy them, but I figured it was just a hobby and didn't think too much about it. I


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New manager of White Claw tells team to sell 100,000 cases of soda

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How does old McDonald sell his produce and livestock?

He puts an ad ad here, an ad ad there, an ad ad everywhere!

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A guy kept trying to sell me fruits

I told him Mango

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A pea farmer had a very good harvest this year..

At the dinner, he was discussing with his family about the harvest and mentioned that he would sell the lot for a whopping $5000.
His daughter said "I can double that. And I don't even need to sell everything. I'll just sell one pea in a jar"
She went out next day and sold the pea in a jar for $10000.
When his father asked how, she simply stated "I'm


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TwoEnglish men arewalking on a beach one day

Two English men are walking on a beach one day when they finds 300 dwarf sperm whales trapped in a small pool of water. One of them yells to the other "we're rich! We're rich!". Confused by his friends remarks he ask why and his friend explains "if we sell these we will be rich each one is at least 400 pounds!"


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One day a farmer went happily to his wife and family sharing that their best cow had conceived.



**One day a farmer went happily to his wife and family sharing that their best cow had conceived. Being in an economic stable place they could sell the calf for a small profit.**

As the weeks passed it became evident that the cow was pregnant with twins. The farmer said to his wife; "You know I have suddenly had a feeling and impulse that we must dedicate one of t


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John has always wanted his own submarine.

Ever since he was a little kid, the only thing he had ever asked for was a submarine. Obviously, no one could afford to buy him a real submarine. But he grew up always planning in the back of his mind of how to one day own one.

One day, he decides to make his dream a reality. He finds a broker for submarines and asks how much it would cost. The broker lays out some numbers for him, ba


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I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

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Here's some food for thought

We sell our ideas to feed ourselves

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