Screw

Jokes

Mexican book store

A man is walking through his local mall when he notices a Mexican book store. He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "Screw you, get out, stay out!"

The man replies,


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What did the Nut say to the Bolt?

Screw Me

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How many contortionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but they prefer the spiral kind.

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One day a boy is trying to replace the batteries in a remote when his dad walks in.

He sees what he is doing and says to his son, "Son, a bit of advice that will help through your life, it is easier to screw than to unscrew. How do you think you came to be?

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What do you get when you screw a nihilist into a lightbulb?

Nothing, because it doesn't fucking matter.

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How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?

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How many Puerto Ricans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Does it matter? They still don't have power.

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Finally a joke I thought of worth posting: Why did the woman like the handyman so much?

Because he screw, then nut, and even wash her.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. She will wonder why her pussy isn't lighting up though.

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How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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Tom went to the police station one day...

He was looking for his wife Jenny, but at the same time another guy came in looking for his wife. When the policeman asked the guy that just came in what his wife looked like he said "she's good looking, blonde, with big boobs". Then Tom says "screw Jenny let's look for this guy's wife"


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How many Ska musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One to drop the lightbulb and nine to "PICK IT UP PICK IT UP PICK IT UP PICK IT UP!"

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How much cocaine does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hell, with enough coke, you can screw in anything.

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How many Muslims does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. We just sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.

(I am Muslim. I am entitled to make fun of myself.)

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How many policemen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. It turned itself in.

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Climb the ladder to success.

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, slightly easie


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How many Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but only for procreation.

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How many twists does it take to screw in a Sid Meier's light bulb?

Just one more turn.

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How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. Two. ...And a-one two three four!

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How many Redditors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3: 1 to do it, post it, and not get credit for it; 1 to repost as if they did it; and 1 to state that the video is actually false and it never happened.

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If you force a prostitute to screw you is it rape or shoplifting?

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How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two.

If there's only one ant, it's ant masturbation.

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How many rJokes redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one. But the rest you called will be busy reposting.

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How many accountants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?

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How many crackheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

4. 1 to hold the lightbulb and 3 to smoke until the room starts spinning.

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How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None they just beat the room for being black.

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How many dumb blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?

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How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Yeah, I have no clue either. I did hire four hookers once, but we did other stuff.

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Why did the Chinese screw up the US by devaluing their currency?

If you are Chinese you can do whatever yuan.

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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How many feminists does it take to screw on a lightbulb?

One, they put it up there and the world revolves around them.

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How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

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How many Jean Valjeans does it take to screw in a lightbulb

24601

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How many baby boomers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They'll leave it how it is, expect millennials to clean up after them, and call them selfish and entitled when they get called on it.

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How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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To the woman who yelled at me for sleeping on the bus: Screw You

Do you realise how exhausting it is driving a bus?

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How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Wanna ride bikes!?

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Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom.

His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"

His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."

Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do -- screw him?"


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Sam was at the bar

-Disclaimer - im on mobile, sorry for the formatting.-

As it's now 4am he decided it was time to go home to his wife who he prayed was sleeping else he'd get in shit for being at the pub so late.
So Sam went to stand up but fell over! Thinking to himself "my lord I'm drunk" he tried to stand up again but once again his legs gave out, he thought "scr


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Scientists have determined how many people it takes to screw in a light bulb.

It's less than to screw in a heavy bulb.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in one light bulb?

Juan.

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How many niggers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2, one to get whipped hard enough to motivate the other one.

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How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just 2, but how did they get in there?

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A group of cowboys were branding some cattle

While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he cooked it.
That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up the cooking?"
"No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."


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How do you get Jeffrey Epstein to install a light bulb?

Tell him it's 12yo and he will screw it.

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How many incels does it take to change a lightbulb?

Doesn’t matter. They’ll hold the door open for the lightbulb, then get pissy because it won’t screw.

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How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb?

Tell him it's a pornstar and he'll screw it

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How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but how'd they get in there?

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two. One to hold the giraffe and another one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools.

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