School

Jokes

I was walking home from school when I saw a boy on the curb wearing rags and cloths. I asked "Are you an orphan?" He said "Yes, what gave me away?"

I said "Your Parents"

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I dropped out of elementary school because of recess

I don’t play

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Three kids are smoking behind the bike sheds at school!

Kid 1: "My Dad can blow smoke through his nose!"
Kid 2: "Yeah, well my Dad can blow smoke through his ears!"
Kid 3: "That's nothing, my Dad can blow smoke through his ass!!" I've seen the nicotine stains in his underpants!

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Purple Socks

So, there's a kid called Steve who goes to school with his friend Billy.

Billy comes up to Steve and says, "Yo steve, you know you can't say purple socks anymore?"

In disbelief, Steve says, "What? Yes I can."

So Steve goes up to his teacher and asks, "Miss, why is Billy saying I can't say purple socks anymore?"


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There was a 6th grader who transferred to my school and had green legs and autism.

He was put into a special knees class.

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Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are infamous for committing the Columbine High school massacre together.

It's like, dude, ever heard of just spitroasting a girl?

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What does a group of drugged fish and a tenth grade student have in common?

They're both in high school.

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A boy was coming home from school one day

... and when he got home, went to the bathroom straight away. His father was in there staring intently at a shaving razor.

Boy: “Dad, what are you doing?”

Dad: “While you were in school, I was studying the blade.”

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What do you get when you break into your school to make a heterogeneous mixture?

A suspension

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Dad, am I more black or more Persian?

Dad: Why do you ask?

Son: There a kid at school selling his bike. Should I bargain or should I steal the bike?.

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I heard Columbine High School ordered books...

but all they got were magazines.

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Mom, Ive got a problem.

A kid comes home from school and says, “Mom, I've got a problem.”
She says, “Tell me.”
He tells her that the boys at school are using two words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are.
He says, “Pussy and bitch.”
She says, “Oh, that’s no big deal. Pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a femal


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So my high school which is Columbine had a fancy dress party yesterday and I was suspended when I turned up to it.

Apparently dressing up like Neo from The Matrix was really offensive and inappropriate.

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1950's Dad joke: A boy with a wooden eye wanted to go to the school dance with a girl with cleft lip. He walked up to her and asked. Her face lit up with joy and said "golly, would I?" To which he said "fuck you hair lip!"

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A teacher was teaching Science to her class

She said, "Technically, most plants which are not poisonous are edible. That is one fact that you must remember."

A boy named Dumas asked, "So, you mean that plants like the balsam plant, bamboo or rose are all edible?"

The teacher nodded.

Last I heard, Dumas' parents were suing the school after Dumas broke most of his teeth trying to


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Shallow sunday school

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The little boy who got the candy

A little boy who was obviously retarded was attending an elementary school which was not too far from the local high school. This was temporary as he was having problems in school and his mother hoped his grandmother would be more luck. So he attends the first day of school with no problem but he decides to stay after everyone leaves for a project, then afterwards he is walking home from school an


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TIL a school of piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds...

anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

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A lot of people ask me about my daughter

It's really annoying, I'm just trying to take my girlfriend to school

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I just got in a 1 vs 10 fight at school!!!

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Heard this from a friend at school

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A cop pulls over a guy on a motorcycle...

and asks him for his name.

"My name is Ed." he said.

"Just Ed? no last name?"

"Just Ed."

"care to explain?" asked the cop.

"Well, it started a long time ago. I was Ed Johnson. As a kid, I always wanted to be a doctor. So I studied hard and finally graduated medical school. From then on,


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What do Leonardo DiCaprio and Greta Thunberg have in common?

They're both High School dropouts.

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When is curfew at the girls boarding school?

Lights out at 10.
Candles out at 10:30.

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Buddy of mine said "My dream is to have a threesome with my wife and her best friend she's known since school"

"That's great man, way to go and dissapoint *two* women"

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Guys, we should really stop making fun of VSCO girls...

If we don't, they'll all turn into sksksks school shooters.

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If you took every student who sleeps in class at any given point in the school day, and laid them end to end...

They would be much more comfortable.

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A boy was always getting low grades in maths...

A boy was always getting low grades in maths and his parents were getting worried. After 3 tests with continuous F's, they decided to send him to a Catholic school due to the high success rate in maths.

After the boys first day of school there, he got home and ran straight to his room without saying anything. After a couple of hours, his parents went up to check on him only to se


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Math jokes?

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I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers.

What are the odds?

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I dont really understand school shooting jokes

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I had a female Physics teacher in my school.

One day, a guy asked her, "What is the unit of power?"

"That's watt", she said.

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I got in trouble at school today. The teacher told me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

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I never took geometry in high school

I heard it was for squares.

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Why is cyclops the worst professor at Xavier's school for the gifted?

He only has a single pupil!

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Did you hear about the dinosaur in medical school?

He was studying to be a Dinocologist.

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Purple Vein

Disclaimer skipping to the end will ruin the joke, but it is best said in person to a group of people. Enjoy!


One morning a young boy was walking to class when three older girls approached the boy and said well aren't you just a "purple vein". The boy asked but the girls giggled as they slowly rounded the block.

After the boy got to school he saw


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A man gets home from work and shouts to his wife:

" It's the third fucking time that I get home and dinner isn't ready, we are going to have a seriously conversation!"

The woman, revolted: " fuck this! I shower the kids, I dress them up, I take care of them, I drive them to school, I don't even have time to wipe my own ass!"

Him: " that's another thing we have to talk about&qu


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Man to woman in bar: Are you a school?

Woman: No, why? Man: Because I want to shoot a bunch of kids inside of you.

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Racists: "Wow, I thought you Asians dont speak English at all! Did you learn it in school?"

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Kid: Dad, there is a small party at my school tomorrow and you should come.

Dad: So, is it the whole class and parents?
Kid: No, just you, me, and the principal.

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How much did you learn in school today?

Not enough, they want me to go back tomorrow.

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What do you call school for nuts?

Macademia

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Alternative nursery rhymes

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.

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I've got a kid

in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

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I remember in middle school there was a kid who tried to pay me to be his friend..

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One time in the computer lab at my school, next to one of the computers, a mouse started acting up.

So one if my classmates noticed it and said "Oh, there's no batteries in it". So he found two batteries that didn't fit in the mouse *at all* and jammed them in anyway.

Needless to say, we weren't allowed to have any more class pets after that.

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Today my wife and I decided we want to have kids

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Why did the Ancient Egyptians always make it to school on time?

Because they had Anubis

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Bullying

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