Schizophrenia

Jokes

Joke

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Mental illness joke. (I have this illness so I'm laughing at myself) I used to have a beautiful girlfriend who loved and cherished me before I got diagnosed with Schizophrenia

Then they put me on some pills and she disappeared

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My roommate says I have schizophrenia

Jokes on him he's just a figment of my imagination

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At first I thought I could handle being a police detective with schizophrenia

But now I'm starting to question myself.

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My roommate says I have schizophrenia

But jokes on him I don't even have a roommate

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Welcome to the Mental Health Helpline. Please listen carefully to the following options:

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please get someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you have Tourette's Syndrome, please say "CUNT!" after the tone.
* If you have schizophrenia, press whichever button the voice in your head tells you to pr


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Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask.

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I have schizophrenia

& so do I!

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The thing I like about the dark is

You could be standing in front of an axe murderer and not know it until you’re chopped up or you take your schizophrenia medicine.

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The most effective way to kill your friends is....

Schizophrenia Pills

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So my wife says that I probably have schizophrenia.

Jokes on her, I don’t have a wife.

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People tend to avoid me, since I have schizophrenia...

But at least I have each other.

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What is schizophrenia?

I don't know, ask that Power Ranger over there.

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What do you call it when pigs fly?

Schizophrenia

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I used have schizophrenia

but now we've both recovered.

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Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy,

I hear you ask”

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I've been conducting studies of schizophrenic patients DNA to test various genes to find markers for schizophrenia

Unfortunately, the results have been all over the place.

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My schizophrenia is balanced by my incredibly low self esteem

I mean, why would they choose to follow me?

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I thought I had schizophrenia.

Turns out it was my wife saying: "You treat me like I don't exist."

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Doc, is it true? Do I have schizophrenia?

Jim, who are you talking to?

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What would you call yourself if you had schizophrenia?

A meme, a me and another me

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My girlfriend thinks I have schizophrenia

Which is funny, because I don't have a girlfriend.

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Laat year I was diagnosed with schizophrenia

But we're okay now.

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My therapist says I have schizophrenia

Jokes on her I don't even have a therapist

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There are two people in my class who have schizophrenia.

I’m kind of SPLIT on who to befriend.

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My mother's sister is on heavy duty medication for schizophrenia.

I call her Aunty Psychotic.

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Knock knock, whos there?

Us

A joke for doing psychedelics. Or schizophrenia

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When people speak to God it's called praying...

And when God speaks to you it's called schizophrenia.

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Rose's are red, violets are blue

I have schizophrenia AND STOP YELLING AT ME!

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What did the schizophrenia say to his girlfriend?

I'm seeing someone else

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Schizophrenia is no joke

LOL

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Alone, I'm a loser

But together, we have schizophrenia.

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After years of research, scientists were ready to announce the cure for schizophrenia.

Things went south when they realized it was all in their heads.

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I talked to my psychiatrist about how I think I have a schizophrenia...

That fucker was dead silent

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A short poem about schizophrenia.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'm schizophrenic

And so am I.

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Schizophrenia is ADHD on hard mode.

"2+2=..... stop whispering my name grandma! You've been dead for 20 years!"

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My friend's a police detective and has been diagnosed with severe schizophrenia. He first realized there was a problem...

...when he started to question himself...

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A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have?

Schizophrenia.

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I heard that schizophrenia Isnt real.

Or at least what my chairs been telling me.

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Why do psychiatrists diagose schizophrenia so often?

Because they wanna charge twice.

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The world would have seen fewer gods

if schizophrenia was recognised early on.

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I went to an art event this morning, and this painting really SPOKE to me...

I then remembered that I forgot to take my schizophrenia medication.

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A buddy of mine was making fun of people with schizophrenia. I said, "Hey man, that's not funny. Schizophrenics are people..

Two."

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If you suffer from mental illness, it always helps to remember you are not alone.

Unless the mental illness is schizophrenia

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When my girlfriend found out I had schizophrenia she started sleeping with other people...

[deleted]

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When my girlfriend found out I had schizophrenia she started sleeping with...

[deleted]

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Any subreddits to help you cope with schizophrenia?

Asking for a friend

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What do you call it when you talk to God?

Praying.

Now what do you call it when God talks to you?

Schizophrenia, it's called schizophrenia.

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A silly little joke I just made up about schizophrenia

Person 1: I'm not schizophrenic!

Person 2: I never said you were.

Person 1: Oh, sorry, I guess I must be hearing things.

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Did you hear about the guy who had ADD and schizophrenia?

He heard voices, but could never pay attention long enough to them to do anything crazy.

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