Did I tell you about the time I saw my hand get chopped off?
I was scarred for life!
Me: Dad, to be frank your years of neglect towards us has left us scarred for life and incapable of developing sincere and loving relationships
Dad: HI FRANK!!!
A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.
They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.
The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests a bottle of tequila and a pillow strapped to his back. They let him drink the tequila and stra
The artists of the bee movie must be scarred after it
They probably have beetsd
What do you call a platelet that was scarred as a baby platelet, and so is too nervous to join up with other platelets?
A wary clotter.
After some thought, my wife decided that we weren't equipped to have a child and decided to get an abortion.
I don't know what scarred her more, the fact that I was fucking my daughter or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep the baby.
Girlfriend: "Why do you have a photo of this hairy, tattooed, scarred butt on your computer?" nsfw
Me: "You found it... You found the Pirate's Booty."
Little jimmys mom told him that if he ever did a bad thing as punishment he would turn to stone....
One day jimmy went down to the pond with him friend Billy to fish when they saw a beautiful woman naked swimming in the pond the two kids watched in awe when suddenly jimmy ran away scarred
Jimmy ran home to his mom crying saying "sorry I did a bad thing!" "What did you do asked jimmy's mom?" Jimmy wiped away a tear and said "I saw a naked lady in the po
Why's the little boy scarred for life after going to buy his mom some earrings?
He went to Jared.
When he was writing Gravity's Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon lived alone in a tiny motel room in a border town in Mexico, the only decoration a small statue of a pig on his barren, scarred desk.
I guess you might say he was Pynchon pennies.
I'm horribly sick, can't even keep water in, filled up with pepto and pedialyte, got Vaseline on my hole, sleeping on a yoga mat on the floor cause Im scarred I'll fart and shit the bed, thinking about how lowly and un dignified I am...
Then I thought, at least I'm not a democrat.